Bush To Declare War On English Language

Jahfin · Post by **Jahfin** » September 1, 2004 9:56 am

Native Tongue Would Replace N. Korea in Axis of Evil

A just-released text of President George W. Bush's acceptance speech at the
Republican National Convention reveals that Mr. Bush intends to announce his
boldest initiative to date, declaring war on the English language.

According to the text of the speech, advance copies of which were made available
to reporters today, Mr. Bush will give the English language an official slot in
the Axis of Evil, replacing North Korea.

While Mr. Bush's relations with the English language have been hostile in the
past, few had expected him to declare war on America's native tongue.

But according to Republican insiders, an official declaration of war against the
English language could give Mr. Bush a decided edge over his Democratic rival,
Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.), who, unlike the president, speaks English fluently.

"If Kerry starts speaking English during the debates, he could be seen as a
traitor," one Bush strategist said. "On the other hand, there's practically no
danger of the president accidentally slipping into English."

Political science professor Trevor Bilson of the University of Minnesota said
that Mr. Bush's declaration of war against the English language should not come
as a surprise: "Mr. Bush has been conducting a covert campaign against the
English language for decades now."

But Dr. Bilson believes that shifting the nation's focus from the war on terror
to a war on grammar may be Mr. Bush's shrewdest political move ever.

"The president recently said that he doubts we can win the war on terror," Dr.
Bilson said. "But whenever Mr. Bush does battle with the English language, the
English language loses."

www.Borowitzreport.com

Prthd119 · Post by **Prthd119** » September 1, 2004 10:32 am

LMAO...really.

UWParrot · Post by **UWParrot** » September 1, 2004 11:22 am

Hilarious - These spoofs just keep getting more clever (turn off sarcasm now)

12 lb. nestle crunch · September 1, 2004 1:29 pm

hilarious.

i like the bumper sticker that says "we went from rhodes scholor to village idiot"

mermaidindisguise · Post by **mermaidindisguise** » September 1, 2004 9:59 pm

but seriously... "Is our children educated??"

12 lb. nestle crunch · September 1, 2004 11:16 pm

"[T]he illiteracy level of our children are appalling."—Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."—Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

"I'm so pleased to be able to say hello to Bill Scranton. He's one of the great Pennsylvania political families."—Drexel Hill, Penn., Sept. 15, 2003

"A RESULTS-ORIENTED ADMINISTRATION… WILL MAKE AMERICA WHAT WE WANT IT TO BE-A LITERATE COUNTRY AND A HOPEFULLER COUNTRY."-WASHINGTON, D.C., JAN. 11, 2001

"SHE IS A MEMBER OF A LABOR UNION AT ONE POINT."
ANNOUNCING HIS NOMINATION OF LINDA CHAVEZ AS SECRETARY OF LABOR. AUSTIN, TEXAS, JAN. 2, 2001

"THEY MISUNDERESTIMATED ME."
BENTONVILLE, ARK., NOV. 6, 2000

"ACTUALLY, I...THIS MAY SOUND A LITTLE WEST TEXAN TO YOU, BUT I LIKE IT. WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT...WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, AND WHEN HE'S TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, ALL OF US ARE TALKING ABOUT ME."
--HARDBALL, MSNBC, MAY 31, 2000

http://www.politicalhell.com/bush-quotes.htm

CaribbnSoul · Post by **CaribbnSoul** » September 2, 2004 9:36 am

That is funny, esp. since its Bush. Because I'm sure he's the only one who ever mixes up or mispronounces words....

Jahfin · Post by **Jahfin** » September 2, 2004 1:24 pm

Just because this is aimed at Bush doesn't mean it also couldn't also be about John Kerry or any other politician for that matter. It's called political "satire" for a reason. Now, about Dan Quayle and that "potatoes" thang...