For those of you with kids...

Ilph · Post by **Ilph** » February 5, 2005 6:06 pm

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Drumkat · Post by **Drumkat** » February 5, 2005 6:36 pm

glad I'm having a girl!!!!

March 17th is the date!

IsleReef · Post by **IsleReef** » February 5, 2005 6:48 pm

Don't try and take food away from the dog while its eating........... Get's him pretty riled up..............

CUparrot · Post by **CUparrot** » February 5, 2005 7:35 pm

Drumkat wrote:glad I'm having a girl!!!!

March 17th is the date!

Congrats! I'm having a boy, due March 3.

So now I know what I have to look forward to.....

aquaholic · Post by **aquaholic** » February 5, 2005 7:36 pm

Drumkat wrote:glad I'm having a girl!!!!

March 17th is the date!

cool..got three........u are lucky!!!

tikitatas · Post by **tikitatas** » February 5, 2005 8:49 pm

Girl or boy -- kids can do some pretty outlandish things. Just makes 'em all the more lovable!

sonofabeach · Post by **sonofabeach** » February 5, 2005 8:51 pm

I saw this on Comic View the other night and thought it was funny.
From dad's point of view:
When the captain of the football team takes your daughter out, the thought of him going b#lls deep and other assorted things he's doing to your daughter could possibly fill you with rage.
On the other hand when your son brings the head cheerleader home you'll be high fiving him and asking him if he hit it yet.

tikitatas · Post by **tikitatas** » February 5, 2005 8:57 pm

sonofabeach wrote:I saw this on Comic View the other night and thought it was funny.
From dad's point of view:
When the captain of the football team takes your daughter out, the thought of him going b#lls deep and other assorted things he's doing to your daughter could possibly fill you with rage.
On the other hand when your son brings the head cheerleader home you'll be high fiving him and asking him if he hit it yet.

Always has been that double-standard. We give our boys the wrong message sometimes, I think.

Mr Play · Post by **Mr Play** » February 5, 2005 9:01 pm

I've got 2 boys...3 and 5 now. I could add a few things to this list already.

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » February 5, 2005 11:49 pm

I don't have any kids .. However I have 6 great nieces
I hear some great stories..

Ilph · Post by **Ilph** » February 6, 2005 12:12 am

Drumkat wrote:glad I'm having a girl!!!!

March 17th is the date!

Congratulations!

Ilph · Post by **Ilph** » February 6, 2005 12:13 am

sonofabeach wrote:I saw this on Comic View the other night and thought it was funny.
From dad's point of view:
When the captain of the football team takes your daughter out, the thought of him going b#lls deep and other assorted things he's doing to your daughter could possibly fill you with rage.
On the other hand when your son brings the head cheerleader home you'll be high fiving him and asking him if he hit it yet.

God, I hope I have sons. If I have a daughter, I'm buying guns to keep the boys away.....

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » February 6, 2005 12:32 am

Ilph wrote:
sonofabeach wrote:I saw this on Comic View the other night and thought it was funny.
From dad's point of view:
When the captain of the football team takes your daughter out, the thought of him going b#lls deep and other assorted things he's doing to your daughter could possibly fill you with rage.
On the other hand when your son brings the head cheerleader home you'll be high fiving him and asking him if he hit it yet.
God, I hope I have sons. If I have a daughter, I'm buying guns to keep the boys away.....

Move to Idaho they issue them at the stateline..

Ilph · Post by **Ilph** » February 6, 2005 12:33 am

ragtopW wrote:
Ilph wrote:
sonofabeach wrote:I saw this on Comic View the other night and thought it was funny.
From dad's point of view:
When the captain of the football team takes your daughter out, the thought of him going b#lls deep and other assorted things he's doing to your daughter could possibly fill you with rage.
On the other hand when your son brings the head cheerleader home you'll be high fiving him and asking him if he hit it yet.
God, I hope I have sons. If I have a daughter, I'm buying guns to keep the boys away.....
Move to Idaho they issue them at the stateline..

Yeah, but then I'll have to live in Idaho! I don't know if the trade off's worth it!

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » February 6, 2005 12:58 am

Just read these to hubby. I've decided I'd like to trade Tony in for another girl

P.S. He's in the garage, and I've hid the bleach.

IsleReef · Post by **IsleReef** » February 6, 2005 9:31 am

Ilph wrote:
sonofabeach wrote:I saw this on Comic View the other night and thought it was funny.
From dad's point of view:
When the captain of the football team takes your daughter out, the thought of him going b#lls deep and other assorted things he's doing to your daughter could possibly fill you with rage.
On the other hand when your son brings the head cheerleader home you'll be high fiving him and asking him if he hit it yet.
God, I hope I have sons. If I have a daughter, I'm buying guns to keep the boys away.....

Having girls is kinda like God's way of paying me back from my earlier years.............. Oh the memories.............

Ilph · Post by **Ilph** » February 6, 2005 9:38 am

IsleReef wrote:
Ilph wrote:
sonofabeach wrote:I saw this on Comic View the other night and thought it was funny.
From dad's point of view:
When the captain of the football team takes your daughter out, the thought of him going b#lls deep and other assorted things he's doing to your daughter could possibly fill you with rage.
On the other hand when your son brings the head cheerleader home you'll be high fiving him and asking him if he hit it yet.
God, I hope I have sons. If I have a daughter, I'm buying guns to keep the boys away.....
Having girls is kinda like God's way of paying me back from my earlier years.............. Oh the memories.............

If I have girls, I'll be awake every night remembering all the stupid s*** I did and assuming that the guy she's with is at least as dumb as me.

ph4ever · Post by **ph4ever** » February 6, 2005 9:50 am

Boys are such fun!!! But what is really great is when they reach that age (although some never do) that you see them growing from a boy to a young man and you see all those years of yelling and tears and hugs paid off.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » February 6, 2005 11:47 am

ph4ever wrote:Boys are such fun!!! But what is really great is when they reach that age (although some never do) that you see them growing from a boy to a young man and you see all those years of yelling and tears and hugs paid off.

Are you trying to harsh my mellow, Connie?

SchoolGirlHeart · Post by **SchoolGirlHeart** » February 6, 2005 12:18 pm

CUparrot wrote:
Drumkat wrote:glad I'm having a girl!!!!

March 17th is the date!
Congrats! I'm having a boy, due March 3.

So now I know what I have to look forward to.....

Congratulations!

Now, as soon as he's mobile, do a dry run so you know the way to the nearest hospital emergency room... Really.... It saves time when he's bleeding and you're trying not to panic.....