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Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going fast to keep up with me!"

When he approaches you, stare at his gut and say, "Hmmm. I thought
cops had to be physically fit."

Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting.

Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk.

Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to fetch it.

Ask him if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza.

Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but decided to graduate high school
instead.

When he asks you to walk the line, "Riverdance" instead.

Instead of pleading the 5th amendment, plead the 13th or 16th.

When he asks for your license, say, "Oh sure, officer, can you hold my
beer for a sec?"

hahaha funny!! I actually asked a cop to hold my coffee before, he was unamused but I still didn't get a ticket

As a cop myself, I have to say those are funny.

For your further amusement, here are some things we say to p*ss off some of the idiots we have to deal with:

"I hope the reason you were speeding isn't because you're in a hurry to get home to your wife-I had sex with her last night, and let me tell you, she isn't in the mood".

"You're RIGHT, ma'am, we don't give tickets to good looking women. Sign here please."

"Well, sir/ma'am, I look at it this way-if you can afford this $30,000.00 automobile, you can afford a 55 dollar ticket. Sign here please."

"You say you want to see a lawyer? Let me call my shift supervisor and find out which cell we keep lawyers in."

"You haven't been drinking? So, in other words, you're this much of an idiot ALL the time?" Sign here, please. IDIOT.

someday I'll write a book.

My friend learned the hard way not to take a sobriety test with a beer in his hand. He also learned the hard way not to throw said beer at the cop.

Wino you know wrote: "Well, sir/ma'am, I look at it this way-if you can afford this $30,000.00 automobile, you can afford a 55 dollar ticket. Sign here please."


someday I'll write a book.

Never heard of a $55 speeding ticket

Gypsy In The Palace wrote:

Wino you know wrote: "Well, sir/ma'am, I look at it this way-if you can afford this $30,000.00 automobile, you can afford a 55 dollar ticket. Sign here please."


someday I'll write a book.

Never heard of a $55 speeding ticket

maybe in the middle of nowhere, like North Dakota. And that probably doesn't include the court costs (like anything, the entrance price of $55 is only the start of the fun).

and as for the line about "I hope you aren't hurrying home..." the perfect response to that is, "that's good. Your's was. Although I've had better. Guess her game deteriorated with just you to play with..."

How bout just not getting nabbed?!

RinglingRingling wrote:

Gypsy In The Palace wrote:

Wino you know wrote: "Well, sir/ma'am, I look at it this way-if you can afford this $30,000.00 automobile, you can afford a 55 dollar ticket. Sign here please."


someday I'll write a book.

Never heard of a $55 speeding ticket

maybe in the middle of nowhere, like North Dakota. And that probably doesn't include the court costs (like anything, the entrance price of $55 is only the start of the fun).

and as for the line about "I hope you aren't hurrying home..." the perfect response to that is, "that's good. Your's was. Although I've had better. Guess her game deteriorated with just you to play with..."

You're right, Ringling-that isa good response, but usually anyone I've said this too is either too dumbfounded to be that quick with a comeback, or just plain stupid to begin with. Still, I do enjoy having fun with these morons.

Ilph wrote:My friend learned the hard way not to take a sobriety test with a beer in his hand. He also learned the hard way not to throw said beer at the cop.

See now, the thing I have absolutely no tolerance for is people who drive drunk. Probably because one of my college roommates was killed by a drunk driver.