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Limp Bizkit Find Replacement for Departed Guitarist

Posted: March 8, 2005 9:50 am
by PHBeerman
Brit fan Darius to join group

The worldwide search for a replacement for ex-Limp Bizkit member Wes Borland ended this week. Borland split from the hit teenybopper rap-rock group last year to pursue an acting career in gritty hard-hitting teen soap Hollyoaks, leaving frontman Fred Durst reportedly feeling "kinda sad".

Borland's replacement will be 21-year-old Brit Darius "Darius" Danesh. Darius is currently studying for a degree in Pop Manufacturing at Edinburgh University and won his place in the band after winning the hearts of both the Bizkit judges and the general public.

"Darius was a mightily popular choice for the Bizkit. We had more than 30,000 guys call in to vote for him. That's literally millions of people," said Durst, "We weren't even doing a phone-in vote neither."

The search kicked off very publicly with a series of full-page adverts appearing in the Guardian, Independent, and Financial Times. Hopefuls were told that as well as playing live with the band and having the opportunity to contribute material, they would also be expected to become Durst's bestest friend in the whole wide world and to "hug him and squeeze him and call him George."

Subsequent open auditions held around the world, resulted in long queues of nearly a dozen fans turning up at each one. The auditions were designed not just to test the hopefuls’ guitar skills, but also their personality, posture, poise and dance choreography.

"It will be great to be part of Limp Bizkit,” said Darius, "I've loved angsty whiney raprock from the moment I was old enough to complain about how unfair life in general is, and I've wanted to be part of the Bizkit for so long." He then vowed, "I will have a successful collaboration with Papa Roach by the time I'm thirty-five."

Darius is to join the group with immediate effect and has some guitar lessons booked for later this year. The band are said to be "kinda happy."

"Its a shame he's shaved off that ridiculous looking beard and ditched the horrible slimy looking pony tail, but I'm sure Darius will still somehow manage to fit right in with the visual style of the Bizkit. He says that his parents have got some of his old clothes from when he was twelve, so that's a start," said Durst, "Darius will bring a lot of love to the Bizkit."

Posted: March 8, 2005 9:51 am
by iuparrothead
Blah :roll: :-?

Posted: March 8, 2005 9:53 am
by IsleReef
Thanks for the info bro............... Very interesting............ :P :P :wink:

Posted: March 8, 2005 10:08 am
by DonnaKayDunbar
And they still s*ck!

(I think they are no-talent assclowns)

Posted: March 8, 2005 10:09 am
by Key Lime Lee
Methinks someone is reading The Onion or similar this AM...

Posted: March 8, 2005 10:10 am
by rednekkPH
Key Lime Lee wrote:Methinks someone is reading The Onion or similar this AM...
The Onion doesn't come out until tomorrow.

Posted: March 8, 2005 10:11 am
by PHBeerman
Key Lime Lee wrote:Methinks someone is reading The Onion or similar this AM...
Who gives a damn. Nobody cares anyway.

Posted: March 8, 2005 10:14 am
by Tiki Bar
PHBeerman wrote:
Key Lime Lee wrote:Methinks someone is reading The Onion or similar this AM...
Who gives a damn. Nobody cares anyway.
I care Troy. (((((((Troy)))))))) :D

Posted: March 8, 2005 10:16 am
by a1aara
My favorite Onion headline was:

FCC condemds Artie Lange to Death

Posted: March 8, 2005 10:26 am
by PHBeerman
Key Lime Lee wrote:Methinks someone is reading The Onion or similar this AM...
Actually if you goodle "Worthless Music News" www.noisemonkey.com is one of the sites you get.