If you have kids, are you a strict parent?

OceanCityGirl · Post by **OceanCityGirl** » March 10, 2005 7:07 pm

There's going to be some middle ground. I'm not going to be alright with the hotel thing. And I'm not going to let them blow college scholarships, etc with an underage drinking bust.
School requirement is that they stay at the after-prom til 3am. I"m betting some parent is going to volunteer to host an overnight. Kids crash at my place all the time and they're welcome to do it. My sons have alot of freedom and are good kids. I've spent the past 6 months increasing their freedom in prep for college. We've had a million talks on drinking. They know that no matter what they can call me, no questions asked, get a free pass from trouble and get a ride home. Just never get into a car with someone who's been drinking.
What's going to happen is they're going to push for a hotel and I'm going to compromise with a home here on the island. It's possible that they or somebody in their group will be drinking, ok likely. Even though they're good kids. I want to know that they get somewhere right from prom and stay there. Part of it is they are still 17 and I"m responsible for their actions.

Parrot Monkey · Post by **Parrot Monkey** » March 10, 2005 8:07 pm

May I introduce a new point of view into the thread?

I’m 17 year old and this is indeed my senior year and prom tickets are on sale at school. I’m really “on the fence” about the whole thing, especially because I… well… um… Don’t have anyone to go with. I still have next week to ask someone and to get the $ ($45 at ticket so $90) so I have to do some thinking about it. I do have my eyes on someone, I’ll admit that, but the problem is I only see her in English class and I don’t want to cause a huge scene there. I’m thinking about writing a letter with my e-mail address on it so she can answer that way…

If she’s taken or has absolutely no interest in me and/or prom I will feel like a tool, but I have to think of this: In 5 years, will it matter that she said no? Nope, only the yes will have a possible difference in the long run.

OK, so no one probably cares about the above, it was just tempting to get off my chest with the topic here.

So, about the point of stress that’s being talked about here. Being one of the few teenage Bners I suppose I could give some “inside” info. I hear other students all around me talking about you know what and how much fun it was the night before. With many couples, it happens every time they’re together, and it’s just nothing special to them. So I guess what I’m trying to say is the kids who just don’t care about abstinence and have done it already are going to be the ones that do it after prom, and the ones who are virgins will remain safe. This probably isn’t always necessarily true, but I think if you trust your kids and they haven’t done anything in the past, I don’t think you really have too much to worry about.

OceanCityGirl · Post by **OceanCityGirl** » March 10, 2005 8:23 pm

I"m not especially stressing the sex thing. We've had that talk, will have it again before prom. If that's something they want to do at 17 with a car, living in a beach town they've probably had many more opportunities before prom night. So keeping them in a closet to prevent this won't help. I'm more concerned about drinking, driving, stupid teenage behavior in an unsupervised setting.
And ParrotMonkey - ask the girl. go to your prom. You might be surprised. Maybe even now she's wondering if you will ask her. Even if it means going stag with a bunch of guy friends. I've seen guys do this at our school. You're a senior and it's alot of fun. Especially if your school has an afterprom party. Good luck.

SchoolGirlHeart · Post by **SchoolGirlHeart** » March 10, 2005 8:45 pm

OceanCityGirl wrote:There's going to be some middle ground. I'm not going to be alright with the hotel thing. And I'm not going to let them blow college scholarships, etc with an underage drinking bust.
School requirement is that they stay at the after-prom til 3am. I"m betting some parent is going to volunteer to host an overnight. Kids crash at my place all the time and they're welcome to do it. My sons have alot of freedom and are good kids. I've spent the past 6 months increasing their freedom in prep for college. We've had a million talks on drinking. They know that no matter what they can call me, no questions asked, get a free pass from trouble and get a ride home. Just never get into a car with someone who's been drinking.
What's going to happen is they're going to push for a hotel and I'm going to compromise with a home here on the island. It's possible that they or somebody in their group will be drinking, ok likely. Even though they're good kids. I want to know that they get somewhere right from prom and stay there. Part of it is they are still 17 and I"m responsible for their actions.

Were we separated at birth??

I agree. And I agree with your later statement that you're not as afraid about the sexual activity (they can do that in the afternoon before I get home if they want to.....

), but about cars, the possibilty of alcohol, and stupid teenager activity. It only takes one bad decision to result in a tragedy.

My son and I have a pretty open relationship. We've discussed all the touchy topics, more than once. He has a lot of freedom, in large part because I trust him. In three months, he literally sails over the horizon on a 50 ft sailboat. By the end of the summer, he'll be drinking legally in Europe. I don't want him to screw all that up because he or someone he's with decides to do something stupid.

The hotel is out..... The rest is negotiable....

OceanCityGirl · Post by **OceanCityGirl** » March 10, 2005 8:56 pm

SGH - last year they wanted to go with a group to Inn of The Dove. Not sure if your familiar with the chain but a couples hotel. But really picked because management has a rep for not checking on things. I just looked at them and laughed. My sons surf and are lifeguards on the beach. So they pretty much are on their own all summer. They've taken surf trips to California, NC, Fla. on their own. They have good judgement. But throw 15 of them together after prom right before graduation and you just get stupid.
One son just got a really good athletic scholarship. Prom is always right before the state championship so if you screw up you're ineligible. I'm not stupid. I know the kids are likely to drink. I just want them safe. During the past year 3 kids on my sons xc team were hospitalized with alcohol poisoning. These kids have super low body fat and engage in competitive shots, sometimes with the football players.
Your son is going to spend some time in Europe. That is so cool. My dd is looking to a semester/year abroad now.