Irish Jokes

[11bravo]

Only the Irish have jokes like these:


Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking with a limp.


"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.


"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.


"That little s***, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he

must have had something in his hand."


"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible

lickin' he gave me with it."


"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have
something in your hand?"


"That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of

beauty it was, but useless in a fight."


=======================================


An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city
one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.



A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya

been?"


"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.


"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink

this evening."


"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.



"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms

across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your
car?"


"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd

gone deaf." =====================================================


Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives
at her door.



"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".


"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my
husband?"


"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident

down at the Guinness brewery..."


"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."


"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."


Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"


"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and

drowned."


"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go

quickly?"


"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

==================================================


Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and
she's in tears.

[tdparrothead]

[unclejohn]

[Jason Mason]

[ragtopW]