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I'm so sorry for your situation and so happy you've found love. As the mom of some kids though I will tell you it's better to try to come up with a solution now. The older your boy gets the harder compromise will be. When they get into scouts or sports or clubs or get best friends or girlfriends, etc . Then they don't want to leave their home to visit a parent who's far away. Summer and holidays are the times they want to spend with their friends. I don't know what the solution will be. Just a heads up to try to work it out now while he's so young. My sister grew up, married, and had a child in Phila. Then she met a military guy and is living in Chicago. No matter how much effort was put in her daughter has no real relaitonship with her father in Phila.. It was the best solution but not a good one.

Great ideas here. I am sure you will make the right choices! Here's my tale:
I divorced my daughter’s dad when she was 2.... We both agreed to live in the same town (no more than 30 minutes apart) until she started driving. We agreed to be the best parents we were capable of. We were not falling out of love with our daughter.... and we made sure she knew it! He moved to Denver to fullfill his life long dream when she graduated HS. I live in my dream place so that did make it easier.

It was basically pretty normal for my keet. I had custody but we explained it that Mom and Dad lived in separate houses. We never went thru trivial BS like..."oh you can’t take that toy to Dads house because I bought it".

We also were careful with our personal lives. I dated on Wed night and every other weekend when she was with her Dad! She never saw the flavor of the week...for either of us!!!!

I did not remarry again until she was 14... Just because it worked out that way not because it was something I planned. Looking back, I didn’t miss out on anything just because I was a single Mom. But my point here is that you must put your child first You ALSO do not have to compromise yourself... but just make sure your wants are worth the effort and that your child will not suffer.

finsupnorth wrote:Where's the happy cry face?????

wJs!!!! You guys do this to me every time I read about you! I have no words of advice but understand what you are going through. Good Luck and maybe next time I'm in KC we can get together!

My ex and I have that with our son....we never talk bad about eachother and my son is very happy to be with both of us. My ex does have a girlfriend and she has been living with him since just about the time I moved out actually.....that makes it hard for me because Tylan has a "family life" at dad's but just me and him with me. He does know and like Eric, but we don't push too much...He even says to me "if you don't go see Eric, you will miss him." I just hope he keeps that thought and knows that I will do everything I can to spend time with him, while still having a life in KC the way I do. When he gets older, he will be able to tell me how he feels and we can work it out from there.

I appreciate everyones thoughts so far...it really does help to talk about it and I do feel I am doing the best I can..

Obviously your son comes first. But to achieve that, with the least possible damage, you and ex must be in absolute concordence.

It is time to have a sit down with the former Mr. Fins and map out a new strategy- together- for what needs to happen next. No new girl, no Eric allowed.

Stress to him that you both need to be 100% honest. Is he and new girl going to be a family, perminantly? Do they want your son as part of that family perminantly? If so, what role will you have in the future? If he is not willing to make Tylan a part of his family perminantly, are you and Eric? If so, what part will ex have in that.

I think the time has come to plan for stability. THAT, will give Tylan the best chance at growing up happy and well balanced.

I must say, the two of you have taken a very wise path, up until now. Hatred and fighting between ex's is terrible for children, we are experiencing that right now with one of my daughters friends. Continue the harmony and plan for the future, for his sake.

Cubbie Bear wrote:Obviously your son comes first. But to achieve that, with the least possible damage, you and ex must be in absolute concordence.

It is time to have a sit down with the former Mr. Fins and map out a new strategy- together- for what needs to happen next. No new girl, no Eric allowed.

Stress to him that you both need to be 100% honest. Is he and new girl going to be a family, perminantly? Do they want your son as part of that family perminantly? If so, what role will you have in the future? If he is not willing to make Tylan a part of his family perminantly, are you and Eric? If so, what part will ex have in that.

I think the time has come to plan for stability. THAT, will give Tylan the best chance at growing up happy and well balanced.

I must say, the two of you have taken a very wise path, up until now. Hatred and fighting between ex's is terrible for children, we are experiencing that right now with one of my daughters friends. Continue the harmony and plan for the future, for his sake.

I'm not so sure where you are coming from on this one? We are not fighting at all...just trying to work something out...

finsupnorth wrote:

Cubbie Bear wrote:Obviously your son comes first. But to achieve that, with the least possible damage, you and ex must be in absolute concordence.

It is time to have a sit down with the former Mr. Fins and map out a new strategy- together- for what needs to happen next. No new girl, no Eric allowed.

Stress to him that you both need to be 100% honest. Is he and new girl going to be a family, perminantly? Do they want your son as part of that family perminantly? If so, what role will you have in the future? If he is not willing to make Tylan a part of his family perminantly, are you and Eric? If so, what part will ex have in that.

I think the time has come to plan for stability. THAT, will give Tylan the best chance at growing up happy and well balanced.

I must say, the two of you have taken a very wise path, up until now. Hatred and fighting between ex's is terrible for children, we are experiencing that right now with one of my daughters friends. Continue the harmony and plan for the future, for his sake.

I'm not so sure where you are coming from on this one? We are not fighting at all...just trying to work something out...

I think that is what Cubbie is saying. You are doing a good job at not fighting.

oh..that could be...

we are working on stability...I know that I will not be making Tylan travel back and forth and I know that I will not just leave him. I do know that the ex wants Tylan in his life as much as possible and we are making every effort to make a schedule so he can be with both of us...that is why my traveling is so important, so Tylan doesn't have to...

It will work, I am sure of it...and I have Eric's support which for my own sanity means more to me than anything....

Jolena... sorry havent tossed a couple of pennies in this thread till now... girls are here for the summer and things stay a lil too hectic to be too social during the days...

And my opinions would take up too much bandwidth... So... as usual... you and Eric both know my number... If EVER either one of you need to talk... ya know I'm here...

(((Jolena and Eric)))

LYMI

Take Care You Crazy Kids... You'll be alright, it's just gonna take time

Well Jolena... you know my thoughts, and as we are pretty much in the same boat (well equipped with boat drinks I hope...) You know how I feel and I support your decision 100% and wish you, Tylan, and Eric the best!!!

It is so hard when there isn't a good solution for everyone and you have to take the best one....

Let's support each other and anyone else who is a long distance parent can join in and be supported. Everyone has a different story - no one could imagine what it was like to be in my shoes... or why I made my decision to move to Tampa. I can tell you that I was over-hopeful that I could talk my ex into moving over here but enter new girlfriend and that idea is pretty much a dead horse. Then you talk custody and I was told that bc they have been in the same place for 9 years - a judge would hardly give me custody - that one hurt. Les has a daughter too which makes it tougher bc he could have done travel nursing in FTL - but then HE is not with his daughter. We know too that we want to spend the rest of our lives together - it is really tough and sometimes hard to hang on... so Jolena - I am with you and glad to know I can talk to you when I need to. OK - before I cry.. I better sign off. But always stay positive - no matter what, and a sense of humor is most certainly a helpful tool!!! and not to mention thinking of ways to stay in touch even you aren't there in person - I talk to my kids every day and make that time special.. They love coming over here and said they are glad that I am happy.

mermaidindisguise wrote:Well Jolena... you know my thoughts, and as we are pretty much in the same boat (well equipped with boat drinks I hope...) You know how I feel and I support your decision 100% and wish you, Tylan, and Eric the best!!!

It is so hard when there isn't a good solution for everyone and you have to take the best one....

Let's support each other and anyone else who is a long distance parent can join in and be supported. Everyone has a different story - no one could imagine what it was like to be in my shoes... or why I made my decision to move to Tampa. I can tell you that I was over-hopeful that I could talk my ex into moving over here but enter new girlfriend and that idea is pretty much a dead horse. Then you talk custody and I was told that bc they have been in the same place for 9 years - a judge would hardly give me custody - that one hurt. Les has a daughter too which makes it tougher bc he could have done travel nursing in FTL - but then HE is not with his daughter. We know too that we want to spend the rest of our lives together - it is really tough and sometimes hard to hang on... so Jolena - I am with you and glad to know I can talk to you when I need to. OK - before I cry.. I better sign off. But always stay positive - no matter what, and a sense of humor is most certainly a helpful tool!!! and not to mention thinking of ways to stay in touch even you aren't there in person - I talk to my kids every day and make that time special.. They love coming over here and said they are glad that I am happy.

Megan, I am so sorry I never called you like I said I would...you know how it is...with Tylan now so busy, busy..I will make a point to contact you very shortly...sounds like could both use it....

It is very true that no one else understands unless in the situation...just doing the best we can and I can only hope that as Tylan gets older he will also be happy for me and know that I love him and will be here for him no matter what, quality not quantity.....

Hugs to you and Les as well.......we will have to talk for sure!

Brother and Sister? No except for those devil eyes in that pic! That can be fixed. I know you have no idea who I am, but; trust me when I say "always trust each other" and "always have faith in each other" sounds corny but I have expierenced what can happen. "I'd rather have her than that ring"

Jolena and Eric Best wishes and You two have my support
and Best Wishes


You really really do not need my Advise unless it is how to
Ruin a Relationship and Run off the one you love..


So uh how about no Advice and LOTS and LOTS of support and love????

Thanks Wayne...I'm sure your advise wouldn't be all that bad....Maybe someday I can sit on your lap and tell you all my wishes...LOL

finsupnorth wrote:Thanks Wayne...I'm sure your advise wouldn't be all that bad....Maybe someday I can sit on your lap and tell you all my wishes...LOL