The Top 18 Signs It's Time for Your Rock Band to Retire

[Jahfin]

18. No longer able to "Rock and Roll All Night" without an entire
case of Viagra.

17. Ever since Strom left the band for a career in politics, the
sound just hasn't been the same.

16. Your lead guitarist switches to Heroin P.M. so that those
after-concert parties don't keep him awake all night.

15. You're still considered a hair band, but now it's because of
your ears and noses.

14. Instead of saying "Good night, Cleveland!" at the end of your
set, you scream, "Honey! It's time for my sponge bath!"

13. "I'm sorry, Mr. Hanson, but it seems you've hit puberty."

12. Then: You freaked out on-stage because of the drugs you took.
Now: You freak out on-stage because of the drugs you *forgot* to
take.

11. "Shooting up" didn't used to involve an enema.

10. Old band logo: picture of giant red lips.
Current band logo: picture of giant sagging man-boobs.

9. Biting the head off a bat now requires corporate sponsorship
from Super Poly-Grip.

8. The only people making bootleg tapes at your concerts are
from the Smithsonian.

7. Your songs are blocked from Napster -- not by your record
company's request, but because they s***.

6. Then: You instructed security to screen the crowd for sweet
young things willing to put out for the band.
Now: You instruct security to screen the crowd for sweet young things
who are willing to to pre-chew all those green M&M's for the band.

5. You stop outdoor concerts to take a garden hose to the young
hooligans who won't get off the lawn.

4. The band refuses to make a video because they're convinced
that the cameras will steal their souls.

3. Bad: Your groupies drag their oxygen tanks to the stage to
admire your alligator-skin pants.
Worse: You forgot to put on any pants.

2. Nowadays when your fans throw their panties on stage, it
looks like the Fifth Airborne parachuting into Normandy.

...and the Number 1 Sign It's Time for Your Rock Band to Retire:

1. The hot babe in the first row just lifted her skirt -- to
show you her breasts.

[sonofabeach]

Everytime you attempt to smash your guitar you throw your back out.

Instead of beer you douse yourself and the crowd with Ensure.

Your dressing room wreaks of moth balls.

When you wear a diaper on stage it's not to look weird like Flea or Bootsy Collins......you actually use it.

Your lead singer (Jagger) now resembles Don Knotts.

You pull your tights all the way up to your breasts.

You can no longer bang your head without losing your teeth.

[tdparrothead]