So why did you bother to get married then?

sy · Post by sy » August 18, 2005 4:19 pm

I am almost 31. I have been married for over 6 yrs, been with him for 12. Kids are not going to happen, ever. But I am met over and over with the question 'so when are you going to have kids?'. I've gotten it from family, work people, friends I haven't seen in ages, etc.

Now a lot of people when I say never, let it go. But today, and at least half a dozen times in the past follow up my answer with 'So.....why did you bother to get married then?'. I've given different tirades depending on who it is, but I find that to be a completely senseless and insensitive answer, as though the only reason to get married is to have children, and no other.

I'm curious as to other opinions. I got that question today, again, and it's just bugging me.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 18, 2005 4:20 pm

Just say the sex is too good to spoil it with kids.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » August 18, 2005 4:21 pm

Easy answer. This answer works for any stupid question regarding why you did something...

"I did it just to p*ss you off"

sy · Post by sy » August 18, 2005 4:21 pm

buffettbride wrote:Just say the sex is too good to spoil it with kids.

Well damn. I never thought of that one.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 18, 2005 4:22 pm

sy wrote:
buffettbride wrote:Just say the sex is too good to spoil it with kids.
Well damn. I never thought of that one.

That's why I'm here sweet cookie lady.

PHBeerman · Post by **PHBeerman** » August 18, 2005 4:23 pm

If it is someone who has kids just say to them

"I don't want kids who act like yours do"

phjrsaunt · Post by **phjrsaunt** » August 18, 2005 4:23 pm

Wow.

As many times as I've been asked why we're not having children, I've NEVER been asked why we bothered to get married!!

I thought about this for a minute and think the best answer would be look them straight in the eye and say in your best "no brainer" tone of voice, "because we love each other and want to spend our lives together." Perhaps followed up with a "duh!". That's what I would say, but this line would only work for someone who is otherwise known for her sarcasm. Geez. What a tacky question for people to ask!

iuparrothead · Post by **iuparrothead** » August 18, 2005 4:24 pm

Oh, good grief!

I literally would just look at them briefly with a blank stare, then walk away. A ridiculous question like that does not deserve an answer. You'd be wasting your breath on their narrow mind.

poohbear1324 · Post by **poohbear1324** » August 18, 2005 4:24 pm

sy
Sidew and I have been married for 7 years
and together for almost 14 years.
we have no kids and donot want any.
I know what u are going through when u get asked about that.
Some people say ok and some just donot understand.

land_shark3 · Post by **land_shark3** » August 18, 2005 4:25 pm

I think I'm going to keep my mouth shut on this one.

However, I am anxious to see what others say.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 18, 2005 4:25 pm

Conversely, I had 2 kids and then got married.

habourgirl · Post by **habourgirl** » August 18, 2005 4:26 pm

sy wrote:I am almost 31. I have been married for over 6 yrs, been with him for 12. Kids are not going to happen, ever. But I am met over and over with the question 'so when are you going to have kids?'. I've gotten it from family, work people, friends I haven't seen in ages, etc.

Now a lot of people when I say never, let it go. But today, and at least half a dozen times in the past follow up my answer with 'So.....why did you bother to get married then?'. I've given different tirades depending on who it is, but I find that to be a completely senseless and insensitive answer, as though the only reason to get married is to have children, and no other.

I'm curious as to other opinions. I got that question today, again, and it's just bugging me.

Rock on girlfriend! Honestly, I don't plan on having children. But that doesn't mean I don't want to get married. I just don't have that maternal instinct. And I look at it this way... I've invested so much time, money, and effort into my education, why the heck would I get pregnant and pop a kid out? I don't think so. Unless I find a guy who wants to be a stay at home dad, no way in heck and i getting knocked up. It's not my thing. And plus, I'll probably be making more money than my future husband anyway. Unless I marry another lawyer, then he'll make more money just because he's a man.. Ok... I'm done with my feminist rant...

Tell them you got married so you could spend the rest of your life with the one you love! What's more romantic than that? And tell them that people don't get married just to have kids anymore.. Plenty of people have kids and aren't married... You're doing the right thing... So don't fret!

Brown Eyed Girl · Post by **Brown Eyed Girl** » August 18, 2005 4:26 pm

I'd just ask them if they were born stupid or if they had to study hard to get that way.

Or give them a big ol NUNYO...as in none of yo business.

Or you could tell them to look up "tact" in the dictionary, if they have one.

FWIW Sy, I get the same thing with "So why are you still single?"

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » August 18, 2005 4:30 pm

Or, you could always tell them that as a condition of your parole, you are forbidden to come within 50 yards of a child.

At the very least, that should get them away from you.

sy · Post by sy » August 18, 2005 4:30 pm

phjrsaunt wrote:Wow. As many times as I've been asked why we're not having children, I've NEVER been asked why we bothered to get married!! I thought about this for a minute and think the best answer would be look them straight in the eye and say in your best "no brainer" tone of voice, "because we love each other and want to spend our lives together." Perhaps followed up with a "duh!". That's what I would say, but this line would only work for someone who is otherwise known for her sarcasm. Geez. What a tacky question for people to ask!

Oh I actually have said that to a couple of them. I got this answer back from one in particular:

'well, isn't it just easier to live together then? If you got tired of each other, you can just leave then because you don't have any kids to worry about.' That was from a woman who had 5 kids.

I've also had one woman say to me 'so what exactly do you do with all that time with him if you don't have kids to keep you busy?'

I'm loving the one liners. I need to memorize them.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 18, 2005 4:31 pm

habourgirl wrote:
sy wrote:I am almost 31. I have been married for over 6 yrs, been with him for 12. Kids are not going to happen, ever. But I am met over and over with the question 'so when are you going to have kids?'. I've gotten it from family, work people, friends I haven't seen in ages, etc.

Now a lot of people when I say never, let it go. But today, and at least half a dozen times in the past follow up my answer with 'So.....why did you bother to get married then?'. I've given different tirades depending on who it is, but I find that to be a completely senseless and insensitive answer, as though the only reason to get married is to have children, and no other.

I'm curious as to other opinions. I got that question today, again, and it's just bugging me.
Rock on girlfriend! Honestly, I don't plan on having children. But that doesn't mean I don't want to get married. I just don't have that maternal instinct. And I look at it this way... I've invested so much time, money, and effort into my education, why the heck would I get pregnant and pop a kid out? I don't think so. Unless I find a guy who wants to be a stay at home dad, no way in heck and i getting knocked up. It's not my thing. And plus, I'll probably be making more money than my future husband anyway. Unless I marry another lawyer, then he'll make more money just because he's a man.. Ok... I'm done with my feminist rant...

Tell them you got married so you could spend the rest of your life with the one you love! What's more romantic than that? And tell them that people don't get married just to have kids anymore.. Plenty of people have kids and aren't married... You're doing the right thing... So don't fret!

Don't you think some mother-daughter tata flashing would be a good bonding experience?

land_shark3 · Post by **land_shark3** » August 18, 2005 4:32 pm

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:FWIW Sy, I get the same thing with "So why are you still single?"

Because, as I've found, its cheaper to gallivant across the country when you are paying for one.

iuparrothead · Post by **iuparrothead** » August 18, 2005 4:35 pm

sy wrote:
phjrsaunt wrote:Wow. As many times as I've been asked why we're not having children, I've NEVER been asked why we bothered to get married!! I thought about this for a minute and think the best answer would be look them straight in the eye and say in your best "no brainer" tone of voice, "because we love each other and want to spend our lives together." Perhaps followed up with a "duh!". That's what I would say, but this line would only work for someone who is otherwise known for her sarcasm. Geez. What a tacky question for people to ask!
Oh I actually have said that to a couple of them. I got this answer back from one in particular:

'well, isn't it just easier to live together then? If you got tired of each other, you can just leave then because you don't have any kids to worry about.' That was from a woman who had 5 kids.

I've also had one woman say to me 'so what exactly do you do with all that time with him if you don't have kids to keep you busy?'

I'm loving the one liners. I need to memorize them.

puke.

phtnt · Post by **phtnt** » August 18, 2005 4:36 pm

but, why did you bother to get married?

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 18, 2005 4:36 pm

land_shark3 wrote:
Brown Eyed Girl wrote:FWIW Sy, I get the same thing with "So why are you still single?"
Because, as I've found, its cheaper to gallivant across the country when you are paying for one.

Airfare for 4 to Maui is definitely NOT cheap.

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