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Posted: August 25, 2005 10:17 am
by buffettbride
Dear Mr. Beerman,
I have a problem with sax. I want to play sax all day and all night. I want to play sax so much that is beginning to interfere with daily activities such as going potty, eating, and even my job. I would even rather play sax than watch my favorite TV show. What do you recommend for a person so saxually inclined?
Blowingly,
Saxaholic
Posted: August 25, 2005 10:41 am
by iuparrothead
Dear Beerman-
Just wanted to let you know that the ginormous amount of sushi and bottle of wine that I consumed last night made me feel so much better after my bad day yesterday. And since your services were not readily available, I just gave myself a chest massage instead.
Thanks again,
The Coolest, Smartest girl you know (IUP)
Posted: August 25, 2005 10:53 am
by PHBeerman
buffettbride wrote:Dear Mr. Beerman,
I have a problem with sax. I want to play sax all day and all night. I want to play sax so much that is beginning to interfere with daily activities such as going potty, eating, and even my job. I would even rather play sax than watch my favorite TV show. What do you recommend for a person so saxually inclined?
Blowingly,
Saxaholic
Dear Saxaholic,
The uncontrollable urge to play sax is very common problem with a very large segment of our population. This love of the sax is an adiction that should be encouraged, as it can be a very healthy addition to your life. As a porfessional wellness provider, I always tell my clients that the more sax the better. I often support my patients by joining them in a little sax every now and then as a matter of fact. However, if you are sacraficing activities that involve personal hygiene, then that can be a little bit of a turnoff for your saxual partners. Thus, I suggest the following schedule.
1. Wake up and play a little sax.
2. Personal hygiene time....This is important
3. A little more sax (I prefer a little more oral concentration during this time period)
4. sax
5. sax
6. Eat something to provide energy for more sax.
7. I usually need a nap by now.
8. sax.
9. sax
10. go to sleep.
This schedule will provide you with the ultimate saxual experience while still providing time for personal well-being.
Go play your sax,
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 10:55 am
by PHBeerman
iuparrothead wrote:Dear Beerman-
Just wanted to let you know that the ginormous amount of sushi and bottle of wine that I consumed last night made me feel so much better after my bad day yesterday. And since your services were not readily available, I just gave myself a chest massage instead.
Thanks again,
The Coolest, Smartest girl you know (IUP)
Dear IUP,
Don't worry, mentally I was giving you a chest massage. However, I am sorry I could only use one hand.
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 11:01 am
by phtnt
Dear Mr. Beerman,
I forgot what I was going to say
Posted: August 25, 2005 11:03 am
by PHBeerman
phtnt wrote:Dear Mr. Beerman,
I forgot what I was going to say
Dear Brain Dead,
You really need to cut the Jim Beam out of your breakfast routine.
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 11:05 am
by phtnt
PHBeerman wrote:phtnt wrote:Dear Mr. Beerman,
I forgot what I was going to say
Dear Brain Dead,
You really need to cut the Jim Beam out of your breakfast routine.
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 11:29 am
by mermaidindisguise
Dear Mr. Beerman:
I recently have been invited to perform (sing) at a party that will contain strippers and private rooms. We are the pre-entertainment. Do I :
1. Decline as the party will seem immoral
2. Accept and leave as soon as we are done performing
3. Accept and leave the next day
Posted: August 25, 2005 11:40 am
by iuparrothead
mermaidindisguise wrote:Dear Mr. Beerman:
I recently have been invited to perform (sing) at a party that will contain strippers and private rooms. We are the pre-entertainment. Do I :
1. Decline as the party will seem immoral
2. Accept and leave as soon as we are done performing
3. Accept and leave the next day
Sorry, mermaid... but, duh!!!
Posted: August 25, 2005 12:00 pm
by PHBeerman
mermaidindisguise wrote:Dear Mr. Beerman:
I recently have been invited to perform (sing) at a party that will contain strippers and private rooms. We are the pre-entertainment. Do I :
1. Decline as the party will seem immoral
2. Accept and leave as soon as we are done performing
3. Accept and leave the next day
Dear Stripper in Training,
I too have been known to attend gatherings such as the one which you have described. Therefore, I feel I can give you very precise advice in what to do. The organizer of this event is not really interested in your singing. Instead, he (I am guessing it is a he. If it is a she, I may be willing to leave my wife for her.) is more interested in your possible "post-performance" performance. My guess would be that they are either wanting you to enter a new career in the exciting field of erotic dancing, or they are wanting another woman there besides the strippers. (As strippers offer preferable service to those of their same gender) In either case, I would highly recommend against option number one. If you were to choose this option, your reputation will be forever tarnished and you will be labled a "June". I also believe that option 2 is not an ideal option as you will be insulting your employer by bailing on his party as soon as you were finished. This leaves only option 3. This option could provide you with an very fullfilling educational opportunity which your significant other will reap the benefits for years to come, while also giving the patrons a little extra for their hard earned lap dance dollar.
Good luck in your new career,
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 12:02 pm
by buffettbride
Dear Beerman,
My panties are in a bunch. Please advise.
Wedgingly,
Stuck
Posted: August 25, 2005 12:24 pm
by CaptainP
Dear Mr. Beerman:
What time is it?
Watchless
Posted: August 25, 2005 12:31 pm
by PHBeerman
CaptainP wrote:Dear Mr. Beerman:
What time is it?
Watchless
Watchless,
If you have to ask such questions, you are probably late. Now get to work. There are hungry people out there.
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 1:05 pm
by pair8head
Deer Beerman:
If God is all powerfull, can he make a rock so big that he himself can't lift it?
Cornfused
Posted: August 25, 2005 1:11 pm
by PHBeerman
pair8head wrote:Deer Beerman:
If God is all powerfull, can he make a rock so big that he himself can't lift it?
Cornfused
Dear Cornfused,
Why would I want to make a rock so big I couldn't move it?
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 1:22 pm
by CaptainP
Dear Mr. Beerman, sir:
Why are there locks on the doors of stores that are open 24 hours?
Posted: August 25, 2005 1:30 pm
by chibears
Dear Beerchugger Sir,
I have to defend a very important golf tournament this weekend and need some help with my game.
Firstly, I always make sure to wash my balls before playing. Hoping you can help me get my balls in the hole quicker.
Should I practice my stroke over and over or do I need to slow my stroke down? Also, it should be noted that I have a longer shaft than normal, thus sending my balls flying wildly all over and ending up in the rough. Do I dare cut down my shaft to gain better control of my balls? Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Danny Noonan
ps, WOuld it help if I drove a minivan?
Posted: August 25, 2005 2:25 pm
by RinglingRingling
Dear Mr. IlikemybeerandIdahoVandals Man:
Why are there Interstate Highways In Hawaii?
Posted: August 25, 2005 2:27 pm
by PHBeerman
RinglingRingling wrote:Dear Mr. IlikemybeerandIdahoVandals Man:
Why are there Interstate Highways In Hawaii?
Are you really this stupid? Or do you just act this way to garner attention?
Go Away,
Beerman
Posted: August 25, 2005 2:30 pm
by buffettbride
Dear Beerguy...why aren't you answering my questions. And also, my head hurts.Love, Chickenbutt