advice needed on my keet's DUI . .

hikingontuesday · Post by **hikingontuesday** » January 19, 2006 7:42 pm

So sorry BG!

I have two friends who just got DUI's. One was an "Extreme DUI" in Arizona, in the middle of the day on her way to a grocery store for chips and salsa to have at home while she drank at the pool. Clearly she has "alcohol" issues.

The other was just over the limit on New Year's in Arizona too.

The first spent 10 days in jail, lost her liscense 3 months then will have the breath ignition starter for a year. Then community service -- no alcohol rehab ordered -- and she needs it.

The second was "house arrested" for one week and can now drive to work and back until March -- then she get's full driving back. She put herself in therapy, has already moved out of the apt with her "party friends," and has come clean to those people she loves (us) that this happened. I'm in Oregon and would never have known.

The first is in denial, the second is scared sh**less that she could have hurt someone.

Morale of my story -- it all depends on where your son sees the responsibility. If you help, he may not "own" up to it.

If you give him anything, give him the advice that Friend two wish she had taken: A $60 cab fare is better than sixty days in jail and six months without your license."

balcony girls · Post by **balcony girls** » January 19, 2006 8:47 pm

just wanted to say thank you so much for all the good advice and well wishes. . .

after talking to his girlfriend, I'm getting the feeling this is much more than a night out with the boys . .and his problem lies deeper than just a disregard for the consequences of drinking and driving . . . . .

as of now, he will be staying in jail till his court date next week . .she got his car out of impound . .but no bail/bond will be posted for him . .

it is a long and sad story . . but we'll get thru it . . .

bottom line . . he needs help . . .not just a drying out . . .

thank you all for every thought and prayer . .

Desdamona · Post by **Desdamona** » January 19, 2006 8:49 pm

More hugs...
(((Cindi)))
... wb!

Gulfbreeze · Post by **Gulfbreeze** » January 19, 2006 8:52 pm

((((((((((Cindi))))))))))

Brown Eyed Girl · Post by **Brown Eyed Girl** » January 19, 2006 8:59 pm

((((Cindi))))

This is a tough time. No parent wants to see their child hurting, let alone locked up. But as has been said, this isn't just a fluke, it is a problem. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and face the consequences. If he keeps getting bailed out there is no motivation to change his behavior.

Sometimes you can put a bandaid on the problem, kiss it and make it better. Sadly, this isn't one of those times. But we will all do what we can to make this easier for you. Know in your heart you are doing the right thing, even if it makes you feel awful. You're helping him more than you know.

Hang in there, g/f.

Post by **SMLCHNG** » January 19, 2006 9:00 pm

balcony girls wrote: it is a long and sad story . . but we'll get thru it . . .

Yes, you will (((((Sweet C)))))!!

Prthd119 · Post by **Prthd119** » January 19, 2006 9:21 pm

Hang in there Cindi...

The past 10 months..I have found out what the "tough" in tough love means..and feels like..

It's hard...so very hard.

You'll get thru this..and so will he. And you have all the support you could possibly want here!

mommar · Post by **mommar** » January 19, 2006 9:50 pm

Cindi, I just came across this. I have no new information to relay, and no fantastic piece of advice that hasn't been offered already. I do have plenty of phin power tho, and many many prayers for you and your son.

((((((((((((((((((((Cindi & Son))))))))))))))))))))))))

OceanCityGirl · Post by **OceanCityGirl** » January 19, 2006 11:40 pm

Cindi,
I forgot.
I'm praying for you and your son. I wish I could help you. My sons have done stupid things. I'm always afraid they'll put themselves in a situation where I can't help. I don't expect them to, but at their age a stupid mistake always seems to be just one bad decision away.
If you need a hug or boost just post here and ask. We won't judge. I wouldn't judge a parent for helping in this situation and I wouldn't judge them for not helping. None of us lived your life or see everything that's going on. I believe truly that God takes bad things and mistakes we make and when we are willing he turns them to good.

iuparrothead · Post by **iuparrothead** » January 19, 2006 11:45 pm

Can't give nearly enough hugs right now, but....

((((((((((Cindi)))))))))))

balcony girls · Post by **balcony girls** » January 21, 2006 10:59 am

just wanted to send another " thank you " for all the well wishes and pm's. .

and a special one to my bud, breeze . .

yesterday I spent the afternoon sailing in the warm, healing sunshine that brought a lot of cure for my ills and heartaches. . .nothing helps more for the body and the soul, than spending time on the water . . .thanks, bud for knowing I needed that . .

soo . .things aren't great . . but getting better . .

talked again with my son's girlfriend, and it seems she went to the jail to visit, but was told " the request/permission must come from the inmate " . .and that is not happening just yet . .

I'm sending her money to help support her and her little girl, and a small amount to go toward a " jail store " account for small items . . .and she agrees that is what it's for . . not bail . .

we'll see what next week brings. . .

I'm trying to catch up on replying to all the sweet pm's I've received. . please know how much they meant . .

OceanCityGirl · Post by **OceanCityGirl** » January 21, 2006 11:03 am

i'm glad you are feeling a bit better. I can't think of much better then sailing to heal. I'm so glad you are sending the gf money. I'm sure she's in crises mode right now. Keep us up to date as i'm worried about you.

ToplessRideFL · Post by **ToplessRideFL** » January 21, 2006 12:32 pm

balcony girls wrote: I'm trying to catch up on replying to all the sweet pm's I've received. . please know how much they meant . .

No replies are necessary..... we all love you and don't expect anything in return!

Well except for you to show up on my doorstep on Feb 25th!

ches4me · Post by **ches4me** » January 21, 2006 12:35 pm

everyone has said it so well.
I can't add anything to what everyone has said. except to add my support, prayers and hugs as well

mommar · Post by **mommar** » January 21, 2006 7:01 pm

I can't stop thinking about you Cindi.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cindi & Son))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
and of course more prayers too.

You posted..........
and a special one to my bud, breeze . .

yesterday I spent the afternoon sailing in the warm, healing sunshine that brought a lot of cure for my ills and heartaches. . .nothing helps more for the body and the soul, than spending time on the water . . .thanks, bud for knowing I needed that . .

soo . .things aren't great . . but getting better . .

I'm so glad he was able to do this for you, kinda figured he'd be up to something.

For a DORK, he's a pretty decent guy, but don't tell him I said that....I'll deny it.

Gulfbreeze · Post by **Gulfbreeze** » January 21, 2006 7:50 pm

balcony girls wrote: and a special one to my bud, breeze . .

yesterday I spent the afternoon sailing in the warm, healing sunshine that brought a lot of cure for my ills and heartaches. . .nothing helps more for the body and the soul, than spending time on the water . . .thanks, bud for knowing I needed that . .

You are more than welcome...glad you could make it...the boats gate is open anytime you need a little escape...

Gulfbreeze · Post by **Gulfbreeze** » January 21, 2006 7:51 pm

mommar wrote: For a DORK, he's a pretty decent guy, but don't tell him I said that....I'll deny it.

Now...getting back to you...

BahamaBreeze · Post by **BahamaBreeze** » January 21, 2006 8:53 pm

I hope time heals your pain. I know what it is like to have a son who breaks your heart. Be tough, although that is easier said than done. I have always wondered what I could have done to make things have a different ending. I have finally realize the answer is nothing as they make their own choices without thinking that their actions have consequences. Unfortunately their actions hurt us too.

Hang in there...{{hugs}}