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difference between men and women showering

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:19 am
by OceanCityGirl
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhanced conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:32 am
by rsgeist
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:34 am
by RinglingRingling
rsgeist wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
Mings sent you the prettiest, sweetest, kindest card you've ever gotten in your life?

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:34 am
by LESTERPOLYESTER
rsgeist wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
MINGS SENT YOU THOSE PICS TOO! :o :o

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:35 am
by mings
true true true

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:36 am
by rsgeist
RinglingRingling wrote:
rsgeist wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
Mings sent you the prettiest, sweetest, kindest card you've ever gotten in your life?
Sealed with a kiss (did you know he wears red lipstick?) and complete with an autographed picture of Johnny Weir.

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:37 am
by mings
cards, pictures, I'm just a giving person

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:38 am
by mings
rsgeist wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:
rsgeist wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
Mings sent you the prettiest, sweetest, kindest card you've ever gotten in your life?
Sealed with a kiss (did you know he wears red lipstick?) and complete with an autographed picture of Johnny Weir.
Did you decide last night to make a reference to a male figure skater, and decide that Weir was the easiest to pronounce?

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:38 am
by LESTERPOLYESTER
mings wrote:cards, pictures, I'm just a giving person
you forgot roofies and STD's dude!

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:39 am
by mings
LESTERPOLYESTER wrote:
mings wrote:cards, pictures, I'm just a giving person
you forgot roofies and STD's dude!
I thought that went unmentioned.

How you feeling? everytime I talk to you you're ailing somehow.

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:41 am
by rsgeist
mings wrote:
rsgeist wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:
rsgeist wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
Mings sent you the prettiest, sweetest, kindest card you've ever gotten in your life?
Sealed with a kiss (did you know he wears red lipstick?) and complete with an autographed picture of Johnny Weir.
Did you decide last night to make a reference to a male figure skater, and decide that Weir was the easiest to pronounce?
Nah, it's just that every time I turn on the Olympics to watch some REAL winter sports, he's flitting around the ice dressed like Madonna.

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:42 am
by LESTERPOLYESTER
mings wrote:
LESTERPOLYESTER wrote:
mings wrote:cards, pictures, I'm just a giving person
you forgot roofies and STD's dude!
I thought that went unmentioned.

How you feeling? everytime I talk to you you're ailing somehow.
passed out on the bar at Heartland Brewery is an ailment? :-?

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:43 am
by rsgeist
We now return you to your regularly scheduled shower (that would be weekly for you Mings).

That looked like a checklist of what I do every morning. Especially the woo-woo part.

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:45 am
by nutmeg
:P :P :P

Thanks OCG I needed a laugh today!

Posted: February 17, 2006 9:45 am
by mings
LESTERPOLYESTER wrote:
mings wrote:
LESTERPOLYESTER wrote:
mings wrote:cards, pictures, I'm just a giving person
you forgot roofies and STD's dude!
I thought that went unmentioned.

How you feeling? everytime I talk to you you're ailing somehow.
passed out on the bar at Heartland Brewery is an ailment? :-?
no - not an ailment, but the aftereffects are ailing.

Posted: February 17, 2006 10:05 am
by mings
rsgeist wrote:We now return you to your regularly scheduled shower (that would be weekly for you Mings).

That looked like a checklist of what I do every morning. Especially the woo-woo part.
I know! Meanwhile, there's good snowboarding and luge and all the other crap that we're missing

Posted: February 17, 2006 10:16 am
by RinglingRingling
LESTERPOLYESTER wrote:
mings wrote:
LESTERPOLYESTER wrote:
mings wrote:cards, pictures, I'm just a giving person
you forgot roofies and STD's dude!
I thought that went unmentioned.

How you feeling? everytime I talk to you you're ailing somehow.
passed out on the bar at Heartland Brewery is an ailment? :-?
It isn't the picture of health...

Posted: February 17, 2006 11:25 am
by Y-NO-9-O
I don't know about you all, but I am suddenly hungry for a ginger nut and jaffa cake.

Posted: February 17, 2006 11:28 am
by CaptainP
rsgeist wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
Are they making the woo-woo sound?

Posted: February 17, 2006 11:32 am
by RinglingRingling
CaptainP wrote:
rsgeist wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

And now I have to explain to people passing my office exactly why I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
Are they making the woo-woo sound?
just returning the favour for alphabet's last three trips to the Men's room. :D