Math in the South
Posted: June 29, 2006 12:35 pm
Subject: Math in the south
I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
and we challenge any so-called smart Yankees to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '86 Dodge Diplomat
(C) '80 Ford pickup.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a Chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will it take to cut the trees down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for
their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country music singer?
I betcha thought that this here test was gonna be an easy one, didn't
cha?
It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a
hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare ya for in
this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK MATH CHALLENGE", here's some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece . . . Next
time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home
with them.
I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
and we challenge any so-called smart Yankees to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '86 Dodge Diplomat
(C) '80 Ford pickup.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a Chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will it take to cut the trees down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for
their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country music singer?
I betcha thought that this here test was gonna be an easy one, didn't
cha?
It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a
hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare ya for in
this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK MATH CHALLENGE", here's some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece . . . Next
time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home
with them.
