I've got a question for you.

prrthd1987 · Post by **prrthd1987** » July 24, 2006 10:04 pm

captenuta wrote:He didn't get why I was still mad and said, get this "we just have different parenting styles".

Personally, I don't see how being an a**hole is any type of parenting style... I would let the air out of his tires.

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » July 24, 2006 10:12 pm

prrthd1987 wrote:
captenuta wrote:He didn't get why I was still mad and said, get this "we just have different parenting styles".
Personally, I don't see how being an a**hole is any type of parenting style... I would let the air out of his tires.

with his face..

flyboy55 · Post by **flyboy55** » July 24, 2006 10:27 pm

Well, he IS family, so you can't threaten to beat the crap out of him (however satisfying the mental picture might be).

Is it possible that he still doesn't realize how much it hurts?

I would take him aside, nothing confrontational, and tell him exactly how it makes YOU feel, not how you're going to make HIM feel if he doesn't stop.

This may prompt him to come clean with you about whatever insecurity it is that causes him to act the way he does. I believe that by opening up to him, you will gain control of the situation.

Good luck!

prrthd1987 · Post by **prrthd1987** » July 24, 2006 11:01 pm

ragtopW wrote:
prrthd1987 wrote:
captenuta wrote:He didn't get why I was still mad and said, get this "we just have different parenting styles".
Personally, I don't see how being an a**hole is any type of parenting style... I would let the air out of his tires.
with his face..

That might just work

nutmeg · Post by **nutmeg** » July 24, 2006 11:36 pm

How awful!

He's toxic and I would avoid him at all costs. Children parented by him will probably grow up to be just as toxic. That's very sad.

If my brother were ever to say such a thing to my spouse and not stop when asked, that would be the last he'd see of me.

Is his wife oblivious to what he's teaching their children???? She and your wife should be your allies in this. His wife should definitely make it clear to her children that name calling is unacceptable behavior. Even if it points out the fact that their father is an ignorant idiot.....

citcat · Post by **citcat** » July 24, 2006 11:37 pm

Tell his mama.

No, seriously....is this guy your wife's brother? And she puts up with it?

I'd find something about him that reallllllly gets to him and call him that. Childish, I know, but if this guy teaches his kids to call you a derogatory name, he doesn't deserve any better.

No, wait. Take the high road...you'll always be glad you did. When he calls you that, turn away and don't answer him. Totally ignore it, as if he didn't even say it. Maybe with luck, it'll get old with him and he'll quit.
If all else fails, shoot him in the balls with a BB gun. At least he won't be able to have any more snotty crumb-grabbers.

flipflopgirl · Post by **flipflopgirl** » July 25, 2006 2:56 am

captenuta wrote:
Bubbaphan wrote:What a DI*K! Ban him till he cuts that crap out.

whatajerkwad!
By the way he called me today to see if I was coming to their party on saturday I said no but my wife and daughter were going. He didn't get why I was still mad and said, get this "we just have different parenting styles".

WHAT AN ASS!!!!!!!!!! I would not go to his party either!!!!!

PartofthePhlock · Post by **PartofthePhlock** » July 25, 2006 3:50 am

I was always told that people call others names or point out short comings because they are unhappy with themselves, and doing this makes them feel better. But I think some folks are just plain mean.

This guys is getting some kind of payoff, I would suggest you just ignore him, he will get tired of not getting a response and besides when he does it he looks like his ass.....I mean an ass.

Chances are some day he will be FAT and you can laugh quietly.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » July 25, 2006 9:16 am

flyboy55 wrote:Well, he IS family, so you can't threaten to beat the crap out of him

Um, why not?

Indiana Jolly Mon · Post by **Indiana Jolly Mon** » July 25, 2006 9:49 am

Politely ask him to stop, if he doesnt, start calling him 'Princess' in front of his kids. Speaking from similar experience, it worked for me.
Of course if it doesnt, next time he comes over and you make a drink for him, make it "special". Revenge is sweet.

pair8head · Post by **pair8head** » July 25, 2006 9:59 am

rednekkPH wrote:I think this is a great opportunity to teach those kids a valuable lesson about the consequences of one's actions, by beating the hell out of their dad the next time he calls you that.

Frank is a very wise man, listen to him.

flyboy55 · Post by **flyboy55** » July 25, 2006 10:03 am

rednekkPH wrote:
flyboy55 wrote:Well, he IS family, so you can't threaten to beat the crap out of him
Um, why not?

Well I thought captenuta was looking for realistic advice. Threatening to beat the crap out of people makes for good cinema, but in real life it causes more problems than it solves - especially when family is involved.

When was the last time YOU beat the crap out of someone to successfully solve an interpersonal issue?

(I know you're going to tell me)

sy · Post by sy » July 25, 2006 10:07 am

flyboy55 wrote:Well I thought captenuta was looking for realistic advice. Threatening to beat the crap out of people makes for good cinema, but in real life it causes more problems than it solves - especially when family is involved.

When was the last time YOU beat the crap out of someone to successfully solve an interpersonal issue?

(I know you're going to tell me)

Actually, it depends on the family.

It worked quite well in mine when my uncle in law insulted me and my house (insults that can not be posted here, and he was not drunk) two years back and my husband and brother in law had a 'talk' with him on the front porch in front of 25+ family members and friends on Thanksgiving. A hospital visit later and he learned the error of his ways and apologized at Christmas, in front of the same family and friends. He's been well behaved since.

All depends on the family.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » July 25, 2006 10:13 am

flyboy55 wrote:
rednekkPH wrote:
flyboy55 wrote:Well, he IS family, so you can't threaten to beat the crap out of him
Um, why not?
Well I thought captenuta was looking for realistic advice. Threatening to beat the crap out of people makes for good cinema, but in real life it causes more problems than it solves - especially when family is involved.

When was the last time YOU beat the crap out of someone to successfully solve an interpersonal issue?

(I know you're going to tell me)

I didn't say "threaten to beat him up", I said to "beat him up". Empty threats only show weakness. And trust me, on people like this, civil discussion is highly overrated as a means of settling disputes.

As for the last time I used such tactics...it was a few years ago in a bar. A guy got loud, and the owner (a sickly, now deceased, friend of mine) calmly escorted him out the door. Well, the guy came back in and took a poke the owner... my BIL and I escorted him out THROUGH the door. After taking 20 minutes to pick the plate glass out of his face, he decided not to try again. Problem solved.

flyboy55 · Post by **flyboy55** » July 25, 2006 10:35 am

rednekkPH wrote:
flyboy55 wrote:
rednekkPH wrote:
flyboy55 wrote:Well, he IS family, so you can't threaten to beat the crap out of him
Um, why not?
Well I thought captenuta was looking for realistic advice. Threatening to beat the crap out of people makes for good cinema, but in real life it causes more problems than it solves - especially when family is involved.

When was the last time YOU beat the crap out of someone to successfully solve an interpersonal issue?

(I know you're going to tell me)
I didn't say "threaten to beat him up", I said to "beat him up". Empty threats only show weakness. And trust me, on people like this, civil discussion is highly overrated as a means of settling disputes.

As for the last time I used such tactics...it was a few years ago in a bar. A guy got loud, and the owner (a sickly, now deceased, friend of mine) calmly escorted him out the door. Well, the guy came back in and took a poke the owner... my BIL and I escorted him out THROUGH the door. After taking 20 minutes to pick the plate glass out of his face, he decided not to try again. Problem solved.

I'm not sure if an alternative was available to you and your BIL and the drunken bar patron, so I can't comment on your solution.

But my sense about captenuta's BIL is that he will refrain from making these comments in the future once he understands just how destructive they are and how they are poisoning his relationships with all those around him.

I think once captenuta gets beneath his BIL's verbally abusive exterior he will find a frightened little boy trying to pretend he is a man. This could be a growing experience for his BIL.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » July 25, 2006 10:44 am

flyboy55 wrote:But my sense about captenuta's BIL is that he will refrain from making these comments in the future once he understands just how destructive they are and how they are poisoning his relationships with all those around him.

I think once captenuta gets beneath his BIL's verbally abusive exterior he will find a frightened little boy trying to pretend he is a man. This could be a growing experience for his BIL.

To each his own, but that is just way too touchy-feely for me. I dont buy the whole understanding and growth experience thing. As far as I'm concerned, the BIL is an a$$hole, and should be dealt with as such. Generally, bullies (of any age) are only capable of changing their ways while bleeding.

Tiki Bar · Post by **Tiki Bar** » July 25, 2006 10:48 am

"I've got a question for you."

Please grant me an interview!

(did anyone else think that?)

sy · Post by sy » July 25, 2006 10:58 am

Tiki Bar wrote:"I've got a question for you."

Please grant me an interview!

(did anyone else think that?)

ah that made me laugh.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » July 25, 2006 10:58 am

rednekkPH wrote:
flyboy55 wrote:
rednekkPH wrote:
flyboy55 wrote:Well, he IS family, so you can't threaten to beat the crap out of him
Um, why not?
Well I thought captenuta was looking for realistic advice. Threatening to beat the crap out of people makes for good cinema, but in real life it causes more problems than it solves - especially when family is involved.

When was the last time YOU beat the crap out of someone to successfully solve an interpersonal issue?

(I know you're going to tell me)
I didn't say "threaten to beat him up", I said to "beat him up". Empty threats only show weakness. And trust me, on people like this, civil discussion is highly overrated as a means of settling disputes.

As for the last time I used such tactics...it was a few years ago in a bar. A guy got loud, and the owner (a sickly, now deceased, friend of mine) calmly escorted him out the door. Well, the guy came back in and took a poke the owner... my BIL and I escorted him out THROUGH the door. After taking 20 minutes to pick the plate glass out of his face, he decided not to try again. Problem solved.

Is it just me, or does the thought of Frankie gettin' all rough and tumble get ya kinda hot?

CUparrot · Post by **CUparrot** » July 25, 2006 10:58 am

Tiki Bar wrote:"I've got a question for you."

Please grant me an interview!

(did anyone else think that?)

I did!

But back to the topic at hand, I agree with everyone else that your BIL is wayyyyy out of line here. My hubby is a bit overweight, too, and if anyone in my family ever called him a name or made fun of him b/c of it, they would definitely be hearing about it from me. If your wife isn't standing up for you here, she needs to step up to the plate and chat with her brother. Have you and your wife talked about this at all?

As for you not going to the party, I don't blame you for not wanting to go. But you shouldn't let your BIL's idiocy hurt your relationship with your nephew. I'm not saying you should go...but it is shame that this has led to you missing out on the b-day party.

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