BuffettNews.com

Gentle,




tender,




loving....


















...threats of violence and beatings should do the trick every time,


and I think I turned out pp-p--p-pretty alright.

Both of our kids were breastfed and we employed the much-maligned concept of the family bed. We didn't let them cry it out. Well-meaning family members and in-laws were aghast. They said we were "spoiling them", "they'd never establish independence", "ruining our marriage/sex life", and on and on . . .

But I think that because of what we did, they had no separation issues, no anxiety, etc. As young kids they were very secure in themselves and now that they're just about grown they've become independent and secure young people (and they don't think the world revolves around them either ).

If the cry sounds REALLY distressful, I used to go to him. Otherwise I generally let him cry it out. Usually a 1/2 hour was the limit before I'd check.. and only for a minute.. Really a hard thing to do.

As a general rule, I think CIO is a very bad thing....but if you child is thriving (and not just surviving) then it may have been the best thing.

However, a parent really needs to look at their child's needs, and not just what is easiest for them. I've seen parents that, in an effort to sleep train their young baby, let children CIO until they just lose all hope that their needs will be met.

Sure, their child is quiet and sleeping, but they also are insecure, clingy, and are never quiet sure if their parents are going to come when they are needed.

I am not overly fond of children in general, but I'd rather suffer (and believe me, my daughter was a nightmare of an infant (who is now a delightful 11 year old...and has been great since toddler-hood when most parents start screaming themselves) a few extra months of marching to my child's needs and ending up with a secure child that trusts us as parents in the end.

Another problem with CIO, or at least why it has a very bad reputation, is that some books take it too far.....it crosses several boundaries and becomes abuse. Ezzo and the Pearl's are two of the biggest culprits and children have died following their 'discipline' plans...which include crying it out.

Soraya wrote:Another problem with CIO, or at least why it has a very bad reputation, is that some books take it too far.....it crosses several boundaries and becomes abuse. Ezzo and the Pearl's are two of the biggest culprits and children have died following their 'discipline' plans...which include crying it out.

Who are Ezzo and the Pearl's????

I never read any books to raise my child.. If I had a question or concern I asked his doctor and my family.

SMLCHNG wrote:

Soraya wrote:Another problem with CIO, or at least why it has a very bad reputation, is that some books take it too far.....it crosses several boundaries and becomes abuse. Ezzo and the Pearl's are two of the biggest culprits and children have died following their 'discipline' plans...which include crying it out.

Who are Ezzo and the Pearl's????

I never read any books to raise my child.. If I had a question or concern I asked his doctor and my family.

I read lots of books (I hadn't planned on having children, though Rocky was planned....lol) and had no experience with babies. My husband had at least held an infant (a nephew)....which I never had! LOL!

Gary Ezzo wrote 'Babywise' which.....well....it just makes me shiver...he suggests hitting 6 month old babies for crying because they are just being manipulative. http://www.fresnofamily.com/ap/ezzo.htm has some information on the problems with this....this....this...idiot that some parents view an child expert.

Michael and Debi Pearl.....well.....locally we just had a child die, and at least one of his siblings maimed, because their adoptive mother followed their advice to beat the children with a plastic pipe. http://www.newsobserver.com/102/story/418676.html Basically they advocate training infants and children with the techniques that the Amish use to train mules. http://allthings2all.blogspot.com/2005/ ... chael.html

As I said, in limited instances, CIO may have a place in some circumstances.....but as a general rule.....parents need to s*** it up and reassure their infants. I am not saying it is easy...but wow....the pay offs I see, time and time again....are so worth it.

flyboy55 wrote:Both of our kids were breastfed and we employed the much-maligned concept of the family bed. We didn't let them cry it out. Well-meaning family members and in-laws were aghast. They said we were "spoiling them", "they'd never establish independence", "ruining our marriage/sex life", and on and on . . .

But I think that because of what we did, they had no separation issues, no anxiety, etc. As young kids they were very secure in themselves and now that they're just about grown they've become independent and secure young people (and they don't think the world revolves around them either ).

I agree with your entire post here. I have a very secure, independent, and doesn't think the world revolves around them, and also able to handle the stresses of growing up, in ways that many of her friends just can't. Heck, she is more independent then sometimes even I am. (By independent, I don't mean anti-social....as some parents seem to think that their children will become if they are encouraged in that direction.)

Yes, my husband's and my parents were aghast at what we did...but they never argued with the results! And is certainly didn't hurt our marriage either......lol......I can't even talk about my marriage at work anymore, because I've been told it makes other women feel bad.....and I work in the same place as my hubby!

A child needs to feel secure before they can explore the world around them.....not meeting an infant's needs.....even though the needs are completely beyond the pale and a real PIA....only causes more issues later on.

The family bed never really worked for me. It just didn't feel right. Of course both kids will crawl into bed with us if they have a scary dream or something, but having a kid in the bed with us all night-every night just wasn't for us.

When we did CIO, it was a far cry from anything in Babywise. We let our instincts guide us. Like Penny said, if it was a very distressed cry, we'd always go to him. The biggest thing was just being able to read his emotions and know if we let him go for just 5 minutes he'd fall right to sleep. There was maybe a handful of times we had to go a full 15 minutes of crying (as I said before, that's a really long time in baby-bedtime minutes).

buffettbride wrote:The family bed never really worked for me. It just didn't feel right. Of course both kids will crawl into bed with us if they have a scary dream or something, but having a kid in the bed with us all night-every night just wasn't for us.

Yep, Yep....

Sounds like all y'all did it the right way, especially green and BB.

I did it the wrong way because I couldn't stand the crying (suffering), and son is much more of a whiner than I would prefer. And bedtime has nearly always been a struggle. If I had it to do over, I'd do the Ferber thing.

carolinagirl wrote:Sounds like all y'all did it the right way, especially green and BB.

I did it the wrong way because I couldn't stand the crying (suffering), and son is much more of a whiner than I would prefer. And bedtime has nearly always been a struggle. If I had it to do over, I'd do the Ferber thing.

It's not 'wrong' if you went to your son when he was crying.
AP parenting does not mean bedtime struggles either. There may have been other side issues, or it may not have been best for you son, but it's not a 'wrong' method that leads to problems.

Ferber has it's place for older infants/young toddlers....but certianly not much before 9 months to a year.

Soraya wrote:
Ferber has it's place for older infants/young toddlers....but certianly not much before 9 months to a year.

Absolutely!!!

My little guy was probably 6-8 months old before we did any of that. He started baby food at 7 months and it was just before then. Before that, he just put himself to sleep, so CIO wasn't really a huge thing for us anyway. Just an occasional thing here and there when needed.

buffettbride wrote:The family bed never really worked for me. It just didn't feel right. Of course both kids will crawl into bed with us if they have a scary dream or something, but having a kid in the bed with us all night-every night just wasn't for us.

When we did CIO, it was a far cry from anything in Babywise. We let our instincts guide us. Like Penny said, if it was a very distressed cry, we'd always go to him. The biggest thing was just being able to read his emotions and know if we let him go for just 5 minutes he'd fall right to sleep. There was maybe a handful of times we had to go a full 15 minutes of crying (as I said before, that's a really long time in baby-bedtime minutes).

Yep, Yep, and Yep. Couldn't agree more with ya, Mal!

SMLCHNG wrote:

buffettbride wrote:The family bed never really worked for me. It just didn't feel right. Of course both kids will crawl into bed with us if they have a scary dream or something, but having a kid in the bed with us all night-every night just wasn't for us.

When we did CIO, it was a far cry from anything in Babywise. We let our instincts guide us. Like Penny said, if it was a very distressed cry, we'd always go to him. The biggest thing was just being able to read his emotions and know if we let him go for just 5 minutes he'd fall right to sleep. There was maybe a handful of times we had to go a full 15 minutes of crying (as I said before, that's a really long time in baby-bedtime minutes).

Yep, Yep, and Yep. Couldn't agree more with ya, Mal!

You made that pretty clear a few posts ago... But thanks!

buffettbride wrote: You made that pretty clear a few posts ago... But thanks!

PH Club meeting.. blame the booze.