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I know, this is not the Christrian thing to do but I feel like I'm being USED...well, I AM being used.

My oldest keet, Jim, has a friend who is the oldest of 6 kids, single mom who is disabled, (CP). They are all nice children..except one. He is as rude as I've ever seen and has NO manners. He is 12. (they range from 16 to 5) This child is in Jim's scout troop. One of MANY nights, the mother has called and asked me to take her son to scouts, she was busy, had no gas, another kid was sick, whatever. I've never said no. Then it got to be "Here's Nate. We were passing by. Can you take him to scouts?" Then it went to Nate calling and asking when I was coming. Then one one occasion I got there about 5 minutes later than usual (yet in PLENTY of time) and he said "You are so late, I almost started walking"...I told him he could still walk if he wanted.

Okay, after all this, James is home today with a nasty tummy flu. Mollie came home early from school with a horrible cough and wheezing. The doorbell rings at 5:15pm. IT'S NATE! He says "My mom dropped me. Here's a snack for the party tonight. Where do I put it?" (meeting tonight is a Christmas party) I asked if she was still here and he said no. Then about 5 minutes later, after I confirmed no one had talked to the mother, the doorbell rings again. It's the oldest sister who's 14. I asked her if she had made arrangments with James or something. She answers "No, but we have something else do to" So, I have this really rude, sassy kid for almost 2 hours with no notice. Meanwhile, Hubby feels like a MAC truck has run him over. Mollie has coughed her head off and is on steroids and I have an extra kid. Did I mention it was dinner time??? I feel at least a "Do you mind" would have been nice. I am being walked on and I hate it. But, now it's Christmas. It's cold (therefore I couldn't ask him to wait outside) They only have one car. There is no second parent. They have 6 children. Futhermore, if Nate gets sick, his mother will be the first to tell me how I made their entire house terribly sick!!!

Okay, I feel better...how should I handle this????HELP!!!!!!!!!

To quote Dear Abby...."People can only take advantage of you if you let them."

Stop being available. Say you can't take him, nor can he be dropped off at your house without prior arrangements. You don't need to explain why or offer an excuse. This woman is using her disability to her advantage...stop enabling her to do so.

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:To quote Dear Abby...."People can only take advantage of you if you let them."

Stop being available. Say you can't take him, nor can he be dropped off at your house without prior arrangements. You don't need to explain why or offer an excuse. This woman is using her disability to her advantage...stop enabling her to do so.

Perfect answer.


Really, Jill - you have too big of a heart. But you're NOT responsible for their lives. If you're available, you'll be happy to help. But not otherwise. I'd put the kid in the car, and take him home - and get back to your sick family.

with any luck, he'll pick up a germ or two and go home to share... short term kharmic-payback; then you can tell her that you're not a licensed child-care provider.

RinglingRingling wrote:with any luck, he'll pick up a germ or two and go home to share... short term kharmic-payback; then you can tell her that you're not a licensed child-care provider.

Yeah, I was thinking of telling Jill to send her a bill for the day care services but thought that it might be a wee bit harsh.

Seriously though...this woman obviously didn't choose to be disabled, but she did choose to have 6 children, and for whatever reason, be a single parent (maybe by choice, maybe by circumstance). If you choose to bring them in to the world, you'd better be ready to care for them and deal with all the issues that come along with being a parent. So you should take on her burden since you only have 2 kids and a 2 parent family? I don't think so.

You do have a really big heart, Jill. It's okay to help out once in awhile...but this family has gone well overboard in taking advantage of your kindness. Time for some tough love.

fart in their general direction

12vmanRick wrote:fart in their general direction

W R S

12vmanRick wrote:fart in their general direction

Seriously, it's hard when you want to help out. But if somebody has taken advantage of your kindness, simply be straight forward and say that you cannot take on regular, ongoing childcare. Just tell her you do not have the time due to your own responsibilities; arrangements must be made in advance.

Drive the offending imp towards the nearest woods and drop him off!

j/k




...mostly

Yes, it's Christmas. So you have entirely too much to do with your family to take care of someone else's kid- especially unannounced, especially when you have a house full of sick people.

And personally, if the kid's that rude, I would tell him that he's not welcome in your car, house, whatever, until he learns some basic manners.

I agree with everyone here. It's sad that the kid is probably rude because he's grown up getting dumped on other people and never was taught to be appreciative. Or it could just be that he's 12. Anyway, you've got to tell the mom to back off, and she'll be ugly about it. Expect it, and you won't be disappointed.

I have the same problems with someone who took HUGE advantage of me for a long time, because her son was my son's best friend. But after a series of mean occurences, both my son and I have stopped being friends with them. She still calls to see if I'll pick up her son from school when it's raining when she lives a half block away, since I'm going to pick up my son anyway. The last time she asked, I was glad my son being picked up by another friend's mom, so I could easily say no. But I'm sure I'll be asked again!

The plot thinkens...

I went in to pick Jim up from the meeting tonight. I asked the leader (who's wife is a principal of the elem. school) to make an overall discussion about manners and being appreciative. He will but I also will call the mom. Then he gave me a good thought, although it's something I would not do. I will however, remind the mother I could do it!!!
He said "You know Jill, Norma has fought with this woman for years over her kids...all of them. She would drop them at school an hour early and not pay for Kids Club! You will have to be direct. Even confrontational. But, remember it's YOUR job to take care of YOUR family, not hers. And if all else fails, call the law and tell them the child was abandoned. It's true and after she has to pick him up at the police station and show up in court to explain it, she won't do it again!"

He's a smart man
Jim did say that Nate said (enough hear-say?) "My Mom will be pi$$ed AT YOUR MOM if we get sick at Christmas time"...
Just as I expected.
On a side note, Dad left, moved to Texas. He also has CP. Nice man, wonder why he left???

Now, Mollie is asleep, propped up on pillows, taking a truck load of kid medicine and with a vaporizor with Vick's in it. Poor baby is miserable and can hardly breathe at all. James is better and will be going back to work tomorrow. I think Mollie and I will visit Dr. D.

Jill, you will do what is right for your family......hang in there.

((((Jill and Family))))

No good deed goes unpunished. You DO have a huge heart, Jill ! But what if you weren't home when she drops her kid off at your house, and he had to stay outside for hours ? This is not a woman who cares 100% about her children. I would NEVER leave my kid anywhere like that. You do need to have a talk with her and ask her why she left him without knowing for sure you were home? You must tell her on no uncertain terms that she can't do that anymore and tell her that she is making you feel taken advantage of. She certainly can't argue with you about how you FEEL.
What a rude person....her disability doesn't allow her to be rude and a bad parent.

citcat wrote:No good deed goes unpunished. You DO have a huge heart, Jill ! But what if you weren't home when she drops her kid off at your house, and he had to stay outside for hours ? This is not a woman who cares 100% about her children. I would NEVER leave my kid anywhere like that. You do need to have a talk with her and ask her why she left him without knowing for sure you were home? You must tell her on no uncertain terms that she can't do that anymore and tell her that she is making you feel taken advantage of. She certainly can't argue with you about how you FEEL.
What a rude person....her disability doesn't allow her to be rude and a bad parent.

I understand your very nice and it hard to say no. But at some point you'll have to just say NO.

citcat wrote:No good deed goes unpunished. You DO have a huge heart, Jill ! But what if you weren't home when she drops her kid off at your house, and he had to stay outside for hours ? This is not a woman who cares 100% about her children. I would NEVER leave my kid anywhere like that. You do need to have a talk with her and ask her why she left him without knowing for sure you were home? You must tell her on no uncertain terms that she can't do that anymore and tell her that she is making you feel taken advantage of. She certainly can't argue with you about how you FEEL.
What a rude person....her disability doesn't allow her to be rude and a bad parent.

The social worker in me thinks that this situation needs to go one step farther-- these children are at risk for negelct and worse. Call Children's Services or whatever it is in your state. The "system" isn't perfect, but I feel that this situation is intoleable and the kids need help, NOW.