Infant Funerals

Big Jimmy · Post by **Big Jimmy** » January 8, 2007 8:46 pm

Has anyone ever been to one before--- Im afraid I will be attending one later this week, due to a co-worker in my companys child passing away.

Just curious is there anything different to them than a regular wake/funeral

sunseeker · Post by **sunseeker** » January 8, 2007 8:48 pm

no different...just more sad...I have had two friends who lost their children at birth....

Dezdmona · Post by **Dezdmona** » January 8, 2007 9:24 pm

Just go.

They will appreciate your presence more than you can possibly imagine.

Moonie · Post by **Moonie** » January 8, 2007 9:28 pm

sunseeker wrote:no different...just more sad...I have had two friends who lost their children at birth....

I attended a 2 yr olds..I was only 18...it's something I will never forget as long as I live...I knew the parents and family...

I was 6 mos. old when my 2 yr. old brother was killed, I felt I had a little more insight to what my parents went through...

it'll break your heart

fruityparrothead · Post by **fruityparrothead** » January 8, 2007 9:29 pm

I've been to two too many...never pleasant. It's hard to imagine what the parents are going thru....I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

....and YES, definately go. The family needs all the support they can possibly get.

Post by **SMLCHNG** » January 8, 2007 9:47 pm

Never been to one.. but it's the worst sadness that anyone can imagine who's had a child.

Big Jimmy · Post by **Big Jimmy** » January 8, 2007 11:28 pm

I don't handle wakes/funerals well -- esp when they are young. Back when I was like 24 or so--- a friend who was 19 died in a car accident. That was hard. Never met my co-workers kid (8 months)-- but still I know if a few of us from work go--- we will all have to hit a lounge before hand.

Wino you know · Post by **Wino you know** » January 8, 2007 11:34 pm

I went to the funeral of the 2-year old son of my sister-in-law's sister. (Brother's wife's sister's son-are you with me)?
He somehow got out of the house one afternoon and ended up in the family's swimming pool. He wasn't found for about a half hour.
I was so distraught at the funeral, I had to be escorted out.

I've been to a few others where I didn't really know the family, but the child died (or was killed) while I was at work and I investigated the death.
Family or not, it's absolutely the saddest and most difficult thing anyone with a heart can imagine.

CaptainP · Post by **CaptainP** » January 8, 2007 11:36 pm

This is a subject that I'd really rather not think about at this point...

ejr · Post by **ejr** » January 8, 2007 11:39 pm

It is very hard, but your colleague needs all the support they can get. And will continue to need it when they return to work.

Your going shows that you care, and I guarantee that everyone there will have a hard time getting through this, but it is important to go and show support.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » January 9, 2007 9:17 am

Those tiny little caskets are hard to look at. A few years back I went to the funeral of a good friend's 2-year old son who was hit by a car. If I never have to do something like that again, it'll be too soon.

jimolliemom · Post by **jimolliemom** » January 9, 2007 9:49 am

I've only been to one and I was a child at the time. I remember it VIVIDLY. Very sad...open casket. She was a foster child of my mom's. Her mother had a cocaine addiction and Missy was born with no fingers. She was beautiful. Dark hair and big brown eyes...so gorgous you never even looked at her hands. She died at 18 months at Sunland Hospital in Tallahassee. She had a brain hemmorage, probably due to the drug addiction prenatally. Gosh, makes me cry now. The idea of a baby, any baby, leaving us breaks my heart. On a better note, Angels don't need fingers.

She's better now.

Just know this will make a mark on your life and you will remember it forever.

SchoolGirlHeart · Post by **SchoolGirlHeart** » January 9, 2007 9:56 am

It took me a long time (way too long) to understand that a funeral isn't so much for the person gone as it is for those left behind. There's little to review about such a short life, but the parents need that sense of closure, and they desperately need the support of family, friends, and co-workers.

There's not much that can be said, but a simple "I'm so sorry" and a handshake or a hug means more than you can imagine.

I'd also consider hitting the lounge after the funeral, rather than before. It's a lot harder to maintain your composure if you're buzzed...

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » January 9, 2007 10:00 am

i've never been to one, but hubby's best friend's daughter died during childbirth just before we started dating and said it's the worst thing ever, but it meant so much to his friend and his family.

just the notion of it makes me want to throw up. i don't know if i'd be able to go, and i can stomach just about anything.

a good friend of mine was a funeral director for a time, and she decided to leave the business because the kid stuff was just way too much. she gained about 50lbs in about 6 months from stress-eating.

blackjacks wife · Post by **blackjacks wife** » January 9, 2007 11:09 am

((((((((((Mom & Dad))))))))))))

PackPhanGirl · Post by **PackPhanGirl** » January 9, 2007 3:27 pm

I lost a half brother who was only 4 days old when I was 20. (a long time ago!) It was like looking at a baby doll, honestly. It just really didn't seem real, but it is also something that was very hard to understand. Good luck. They family does need your support, I am sure. This is a sad subject...

El mojito · Post by **El mojito** » January 9, 2007 3:51 pm

I think as you get older funerals are harder to go to,
3 years ago we lost a our cousin Wiley and his two boys Morgen 7 yrs and Parker 5 yrs old all 3 at the same time (I do not do funerals anymore)

All you can do is to give as much support as you can and tobe there at a moments notice. with love and care.

carolinagirl · Post by **carolinagirl** » January 9, 2007 4:25 pm

Big Jimmy wrote:I don't handle wakes/funerals well -- esp when they are young. Back when I was like 24 or so--- a friend who was 19 died in a car accident. That was hard. Never met my co-workers kid (8 months)-- but still I know if a few of us from work go--- we will all have to hit a lounge before hand.

Definitely do what SGH said... Hit the lounge after! It would be disrespectful before and you might as well not go. You might need it after, but be strong during for the sake of the parents.

frognot · Post by **frognot** » January 9, 2007 6:03 pm

SchoolGirlHeart wrote:It took me a long time (way too long) to understand that a funeral isn't so much for the person gone as it is for those left behind. There's little to review about such a short life, but the parents need that sense of closure, and they desperately need the support of family, friends, and co-workers.

There's not much that can be said, but a simple "I'm so sorry" and a handshake or a hug means more than you can imagine.

SGH, this is the perfect wording for what i wanted to say.

Big Jimmy · Post by **Big Jimmy** » January 9, 2007 7:58 pm

carolinagirl wrote:
Big Jimmy wrote:I don't handle wakes/funerals well -- esp when they are young. Back when I was like 24 or so--- a friend who was 19 died in a car accident. That was hard. Never met my co-workers kid (8 months)-- but still I know if a few of us from work go--- we will all have to hit a lounge before hand.
Definitely do what SGH said... Hit the lounge after! It would be disrespectful before and you might as well not go. You might need it after, but be strong during for the sake of the parents.

Usually I do both. A different co-workers dad died over the summer-all of us from work had to go to the lounge before and after.