What Men Are Really Saying:

[ragtopW]

"I'm going fishing." Really means "I'm going to drink myself
dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my
hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Let's take your car." Really means "Mine is full of beer cans
and burger wrappers and is completely out of gas."

"Woman driver." Really means "Someone who doesn't speed,
tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving
record than me."

"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means
"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender,
gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides
white."

"It's a guy thing." Really means "There is no rational thought
pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of
making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" Really means "Why isn't it already on
the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean Absolutely
nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog
drooling.

"Good idea." Really means "It'll never work. And I'll spend the
rest of the day gloating."

"Have you lost weight?" Really means "I've just spent our last
$30 on a cordless drill."

"My wife doesn't understand me." Really means "She's heard all
my stories before and is tired of them."

"It would take too long to explain." Really means "I have no
idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means "The batteries
in the remote are dead."

"I got a lot done." Really means "I found 'Waldo' in almost
every picture."

"We're going to be late." Really means "Now I have a legitimate
excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Hey, I've read all the classics." Really means "I've been
subscribing to Playboy since 1972."

"You cook just like my mother used to." Really means "She used
the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my
mind." Really means "I was wondering if that redhead over there
is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means "I
can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Really means "Are you still
talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me." Really means "You want me to stay
awake."

"It's a really good movie." Really means "It's got guns,
knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work." Really means "It's difficult, dirty, and
thankless."

"Will you marry me?" Really means "Both my roommates have moved
out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut
butter."

"Go ask your mother." Really means "I am incapable of making a
decision."

"You know how bad my memory is." Really means "I remember the
theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever
kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've
ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you and got you these roses." Really
means "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Football is a man's game." Really means "Women are generally
too smart to play it."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really
means "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death
before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house." Really means "I once put a dirty
towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means
"And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it." Really means "It didn't fall into my
outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?" Really means "What did you catch me
at?"

"What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means "You
just bought new clothes 3 years ago."

"She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means "She refused
to make my coffee."

"But I hate to go shopping." Really means "Because I always
wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."

"No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means "You may
actually get it to start."

"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really
means "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative
stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing,
pre-evolutionary companions."

"I heard you." Really means "I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it
well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at
me."

"You know I could never love anyone else." Really means "I am
used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific." Really means "Oh, God, please don't try on
one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present." Really means "It was Free Ice
Scraper Night at the ball game."

"I missed you." Really means "I can't find my sock drawer, the
kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means "No
one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework." Really means "I make the messes, she
cleans them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious." Really means "I
like you more than my truck."

"I recycle." Really means "We could pay the rent with the money
from my empties."

"Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." Really means
"Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"

"It sure snowed last night." Really means "I suppose you're
going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."

"It's good beer." Really means "It was on sale."

"I don't need to read the instructions." Really means "I am
perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means "If I wait
long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."

"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means "Someplace
that doesn't have a drive-thru window."

"I broke up with her." Really means "She dumped me."

[aeroparrot]

SURE... tell women ALL of our secrets.

[saltshaker1]

[flipflopgirl]

sad but true!!!!!!