What is wrong with women these days?

[ph4ever]

you know this is ssooo funny to me.

I said what all woman think but not dare say in public.

I am judged, each of you women dismissed me.

Than everyone wonders why girls today, when making decisions about their life and seeking approval from their mothers and society have a difficult time.

Its really amazing those were your comments back.

Maybe people are not settleing. Maybe if it were YOU in that situation YOU would be settling. But maybe THEY ARE HAPPY maybe THEY WANT THAT. Maybe someone woman don't want to get back into a hurtful relationship.

Its like on sex in the city, when carrie is at the 100,000 dollar wedding. The bride leans in and hugs her and says "its always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them". Some woman want that, some women need that. Amazing some women are selfish, and want to be the ruler, and get everything they want the way they want it.

So you wouldn't do that, but who the hell are you to judge someone who does? failed marriages makes you the authority on healthy ones? I don't think so.

Everyone has to settle some. I mean a relationship requires compromise. Even if you do love every little thing about a person. Their snoring might keep you awake. There can never be perfection because no human is perfect. So everyone is settling some. Do I wish he was two inches taller? sure. But I love his eyes, addicted to his kiss, can talk to him for hours, love the same music, love to travel, conservative values, he is kind and generous. Am I settling and doomed to failure because he is only 5'7? well its not that big of a deal because im barely 5'2. Will our kids be linebackers? most likely not? sooo am i settleing? Letting go over the love of my life for two lousy inches? That is not happiness either.

I hate to join in but seriously - I need no help expressing myself just about everyone here could tell you that.

However there's a difference in compromising in order to make a relationship work vs just settling in order to be in a relationship. I'm not sure if you're grasping that concept. For example - I've seen divorced women in their 40's dressing like they were in their 20, going out to chase men. They have good jobs, own their own homes have great kids but they feel that their life is "incomplete" without that relationship. Many times they end up in very unhealthy relationships just to be in a relationship. Now some of these women have teenage girls that see this behavior. And sometimes the girls act out and the mom freaks out. It's real hard for me at that point to not look at them and basically say - hey you act half your age, chase men like you just have to have a penis in your life - this is the example you set for your daughter.

Women aren't the only guilty party - men are too. It seems as if we (those of us old ladies and men with kids) in some cases have neglected to teach our children respect of their own minds and bodies as well as other people.

We old ladies need to show our more respect towards ourselves and teach the younger ones, such as yourself, that a relationship does not make the person. Look hard before you leap and first and foremost be comfortable in your own skin. There's several reasons for this that we old ladies have learned just from life experience.

[ph4ever]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

[sy]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

[ScarletB]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

[sy]

However there's a difference in compromising in order to make a relationship work vs just settling in order to be in a relationship.

Now if only there was a good way to get people to really understand that, because that is one of the truest comments I think has been made.

You settle because you are stuck with something for some other reason, kind of why I have to settle with putting up with morons at work.

I compromise with people because I want to. I have a choice in the matter, I don't feel compelled to because of some dire consequence.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 8. I've never been with any other man, and I never really had a relationship before him. I'll freely admit that to anyone. We have a very odd dynamic between the two of us where we are abrasive and 'mean' in the eyes of anyone who doesn't know us. That's the way we have always been, and we find it comforting that we can be as brutally honest as we can without having to tip toe around anything. He'll tell me I look fat in something. I'll tell him he's an ass for forgetting something. We think nothing of it, and I honestly can't remember a time either of us has really taken offense to anything. We are comfortable with each other as persons, and accept each other. Yes, we compromise a lot (I've been know to throw his laundry down the stairs when he's left it sitting in the dryer for more than a day, and he's been known to hide my shoes if I leave them where he can trip over them). We p*** each other off, and there are bones of contention that can have us snarling at each other. But honestly. I wouldn't want to think of myself with someone else.

I have had people on more than one occasion make comments akin to 'you don't have to put up with that', or ' you don't have to settle for him, you can do better' and the best was 'why do you let him disrespect you like that?'. He's also heard the same.

My point (however rambling it is) is that 'settling' in one person's eyes is not settling for another, and one person's version of a comforting and loving relationship is not another's. There is a general, vague societal idea, but when it comes down to it, I'm sure there are women out there who would probably scream 'divorce' if their husband told them they looked like a packed sausage in something. I find it humorous and appreciate that he actually thinks enough to answer me honestly.

Making a judgment call on someone else's relationship, even if you've been in a 'similar' situation, is still going out on a limb.

Just my .02.

[sy]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

[Conolulu]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

Let me blend my dinner ...and I'm soooooooo there!

Maybe I'll win another trivet!

[pbans]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

Let me blend my dinner ...and I'm soooooooo there!

Maybe I'll win another trivet!

oh, I'd like to go....but I'm kind of tired and my sciatica has been acting up....I've been trying to get the doctor to change my medications, but you know how they are, they never listen....

[sy]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

Let me blend my dinner ...and I'm soooooooo there!

Maybe I'll win another trivet!

I have a ceramic watermelon pitcher that'll go great sitting on top of that trivet!

(side story, last year we all went to the community festival that supports the school my mom teaches at, and one of the prizes you could build up to winning was this godawful tacky glossy watermelon water pitcher. Since I have an unhealthy obsession with all things watermelon and pumpkins, I plopped my butt down and proceeded to spend the next four hours in the 95 degree heat trying to win this damned pitcher. About every half hour my husband and brother in law would walk by, heckle us, and snap a picture of me, my sister in law, my mother, my mother in law, and my dad all sitting in a row like we were professional bingo players, all trying to pool our winnings for this pitcher which couldn't be worth more than 5.00. (It became the principal of the matter, as my dad said). Finally, my husband comes walking up with the pitcher and sits it down in front of me. He said he was tired of sweat pouring down his ass crack and offered the guy 10.00 for the pitcher. I swear we must have spent over 100.00 between all of us playing multiple cards, and he just walked over and bought the thing).

Sorry......I just love sharing that random story.

Back to your regularly scheduled thread

[Conolulu]

now would anyone like to join me at the senior activity center for chipped beef night?

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

Let me blend my dinner ...and I'm soooooooo there!

Maybe I'll win another trivet!

oh, I'd like to go....but I'm kind of tired and my sciatica has been acting up....I've been trying to get the doctor to change my medications, but you know how they are, they never listen....

yeah yeah...they keep trying to pass that Aleve crap off as pain meds...

I don't think so! ....Get the Percosomethings ready there , Trapper John!

[flipflopgirl]

you know this is ssooo funny to me.

I said what all woman think but not dare say in public.

I am judged, each of you women dismissed me.

Than everyone wonders why girls today, when making decisions about their life and seeking approval from their mothers and society have a difficult time.

Its really amazing those were your comments back.

Maybe people are not settleing. Maybe if it were YOU in that situation YOU would be settling. But maybe THEY ARE HAPPY maybe THEY WANT THAT. Maybe someone woman don't want to get back into a hurtful relationship.

Its like on sex in the city, when carrie is at the 100,000 dollar wedding. The bride leans in and hugs her and says "its always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them". Some woman want that, some women need that. Amazing some women are selfish, and want to be the ruler, and get everything they want the way they want it.

So you wouldn't do that, but who the hell are you to judge someone who does? failed marriages makes you the authority on healthy ones? I don't think so.

Everyone has to settle some. I mean a relationship requires compromise. Even if you do love every little thing about a person. Their snoring might keep you awake. There can never be perfection because no human is perfect. So everyone is settling some. Do I wish he was two inches taller? sure. But I love his eyes, addicted to his kiss, can talk to him for hours, love the same music, love to travel, conservative values, he is kind and generous. Am I settling and doomed to failure because he is only 5'7? well its not that big of a deal because im barely 5'2. Will our kids be linebackers? most likely not? sooo am i settleing? Letting go over the love of my life for two lousy inches? That is not happiness either.

I hate to join in but seriously - I need no help expressing myself just about everyone here could tell you that.

However there's a difference in compromising in order to make a relationship work vs just settling in order to be in a relationship. I'm not sure if you're grasping that concept. For example - I've seen divorced women in their 40's dressing like they were in their 20, going out to chase men. They have good jobs, own their own homes have great kids but they feel that their life is "incomplete" without that relationship. Many times they end up in very unhealthy relationships just to be in a relationship. Now some of these women have teenage girls that see this behavior. And sometimes the girls act out and the mom freaks out. It's real hard for me at that point to not look at them and basically say - hey you act half your age, chase men like you just have to have a penis in your life - this is the example you set for your daughter.

Women aren't the only guilty party - men are too. It seems as if we (those of us old ladies and men with kids) in some cases have neglected to teach our children respect of their own minds and bodies as well as other people.

We old ladies need to show our more respect towards ourselves and teach the younger ones, such as yourself, that a relationship does not make the person. Look hard before you leap and first and foremost be comfortable in your own skin. There's several reasons for this that we old ladies have learned just from life experience.

Very well said Connie! Thank you! and if i ever do lose my voice YOU can speak for me!

DID SOMEONE SAY BINGO?!?

[ph4ever]

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

Let me blend my dinner ...and I'm soooooooo there!

Maybe I'll win another trivet!

oh, I'd like to go....but I'm kind of tired and my sciatica has been acting up....I've been trying to get the doctor to change my medications, but you know how they are, they never listen....

yeah yeah...they keep trying to pass that Aleve crap off as pain meds...

I don't think so! ....Get the Percosomethings ready there , Trapper John!

Do a shot and I'll be over to pick you up!!! Chipped Beef and Bingo!!!

[flipflopgirl]

Only if there's bingo. Then I'm so there.

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

Let me blend my dinner ...and I'm soooooooo there!

Maybe I'll win another trivet!

oh, I'd like to go....but I'm kind of tired and my sciatica has been acting up....I've been trying to get the doctor to change my medications, but you know how they are, they never listen....

yeah yeah...they keep trying to pass that Aleve crap off as pain meds...

I don't think so! ....Get the Percosomethings ready there , Trapper John!

ooohhhh!!! percosomethings!

[Ambition At Bay]

As soon as I get my teeth out of the glass I'll join ya!

Awesome! I'll get my knitting bag, my bingo marker, and my good luck pink stuffed pony!

(and if anyone had a doubt, no, I'm not kidding, and yes, I do have those things, and yes, I take them to bingo, including the big brown scary looking stuffed armadillo).

Let me blend my dinner ...and I'm soooooooo there!

Maybe I'll win another trivet!

oh, I'd like to go....but I'm kind of tired and my sciatica has been acting up....I've been trying to get the doctor to change my medications, but you know how they are, they never listen....

yeah yeah...they keep trying to pass that Aleve crap off as pain meds...

I don't think so! ....Get the Percosomethings ready there , Trapper John!

Do a shot and I'll be over to pick you up!!! Chipped Beef and Bingo!!!

Whew, man, you guys are too wild for me, I need a nap although the meds sound kinda good

[seminolegrl06]

As for wishing he was two inches taller....seriously, stop wishing and just love him. Don't even let that kind of thing be in your mind. If the whole world could see my husband through my eyes, they would fall in love with him, too........

And still, yes, I have those 'what if' days!~!

Thats my whole point. I dont wish. I do just love him. But according to you people I am settling and I should be alone so I can figure out life. Not like I haven't ever been single or something.

to the rest of you - No I am not 47. My mom, 49 I am sure has woulda shoulda coulda moments. I have learned from her life experiances.

The woulda shoulda coulda moments? What If I stay single until I "figure out" myself because that is what yall think is appropriate and I miss the chance to have children, a meaningful relationship, years of heartache, and endless hours of work with no one to share the benefits with?

Perhaps the above is how you wish to live your life, but now how I wish to live mine.

I will look back on this and smile, because I do not have regrets in life, the past is the past and you can do nothing about it. You just gotta grab the future by the horns and hang on for the ride.

This poster asked for advice and I told her everyone has their own path, but sometimes I think about the following quote....

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting,
challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. - Sex in the City

[SMLCHNG]

I do just love him. But according to you people I am settling and I should be alone so I can figure out life. Not like I haven't ever been single or something.

No one accused anyone here of settling, personally. These were all just generic conversations.

I am judged, each of you women dismissed me.

Its really amazing those were your comments back.

So you wouldn't do that, but who the hell are you to judge someone who does? failed marriages makes you the authority on healthy ones? I don't think so.

There were a lot of women and men posting.. I didn't see anyone dismiss you, but reply to your comments.

You maybe thought no one would reply to your comments? That's what we do here. To everyone.

I don't think that ANYONE judged anybodys feelings or posts. Just posted their own points of view.


And it's "Sex AND the City".

[ph4ever]

[pbans]

As for wishing he was two inches taller....seriously, stop wishing and just love him. Don't even let that kind of thing be in your mind. If the whole world could see my husband through my eyes, they would fall in love with him, too........

And still, yes, I have those 'what if' days!~!

Thats my whole point. I dont wish. I do just love him. But according to you people I am settling and I should be alone so I can figure out life. Not like I haven't ever been single or something.

to the rest of you - No I am not 47. My mom, 49 I am sure has woulda shoulda coulda moments. I have learned from her life experiances.

The woulda shoulda coulda moments? What If I stay single until I "figure out" myself because that is what yall think is appropriate and I miss the chance to have children, a meaningful relationship, years of heartache, and endless hours of work with no one to share the benefits with?

Perhaps the above is how you wish to live your life, but now how I wish to live mine.

I will look back on this and smile, because I do not have regrets in life, the past is the past and you can do nothing about it. You just gotta grab the future by the horns and hang on for the ride.

This poster asked for advice and I told her everyone has their own path, but sometimes I think about the following quote....

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting,
challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. - Sex in the City

YES....the above is how I wish to spend my life......in love with my husband, dedicated to raising our kids, a successful career behind me, a glorious retirement in front of me, a world full of beauty, more friends than I could possibly count and laughing my a$$ off any chance I get....

and BTW I was quoting YOU....
"Do I wish he was two inches taller? sure."

and I'll just leave the rest to Ron..............

[ToplessRideFL]

And it's "Sex AND the City". [/b]

Correct... the City is the 5th person!

All afternoon I was in and out of this thread trying to post something prolific.... but kept getting swept up with one phone call or another working at my well paying, pain in the A$$ .....which I am VERY good at job altho I am wasting my FSU education by not practising my chosen career... which ... oh by the way was not what I wanted to do as it turned out........

Point is... no matter how hard you try...any decisions made in your twenties will be forever be second guessed and over analyazed when you are in your thirties... and by the time you get to your forties.... you will no doubtly wonder just how you got so blindsided... but you learned from it and continue to make the best out of the hand you created.

For me .... I would be settling @ 5'7".no matter how wonderful he was. There are some things you cannot look past. For someone else...maybe not so much. Thats why we were given the wonderful talent of making choices....and the even better talent of changing our minds.....

[txaggirl91]

thank you penny for the post. i was reading back to make sure no one was accusing her of settling...

there is a difference between settling and following your dreams....

i have friends who are college educated and are stay at home moms. that is what they always wanted to be since i've known them (and for a couple of them - its since 2nd grade). many of them met their husbands in college and got married right away and are still happily married. some of them waited around for the right guy to do that. do i think less of them becauase they are not working outside of the house? no. they have a tough job and i respect them for what they are doing. is this settling? no it isn't. it is doing what they have always wanted to do and be.

i followed my dream.... they followed their dream.

for me (and this is my opinon only), settling is thinking "well, i can't find anyone better than this guy/girl so i guess he/she will do". i also see settling as someone who gives up so much of themselves to make the other person in the relationship happy. relationships are definately give and take but one person shouldn't have to give up everything they are as a person to make the other happy. that is when it moves into an unhealthy situation.

the purpose of this thread was to offer advice to women/men who think they are nothing without being in a relationship. unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who are afraid of being alone and do not see their self worth unless they are in a relationship.