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ph4ever wrote:Here in the past few years I've run across more women, and a few men, that didn't think their life was of value unless they were in a relationship.

More and More I see women - late 30's thru 60's acting as if their life is worthless because there is no relationship. Some go thru elaborate yet somewhat comical ways to attract men.

Of course men are guilty of this too - you see it often as well.


What is it about these people that they don't realize that a relationship is not the key to self worth but rather self worth is the key to a good relationship. You have to be confident and secure in yourself as a person - how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love you?

If you could say something to these type of people, some words of advice - what would they be?

ScarletB wrote:

ragtopW wrote:

flipflopgirl wrote:

ScarletB wrote:It's my friends and even acquaintances who get to me. "Why are you so picky?" They can't understand that I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones. I work with two women who were desperate to find someone after their divorces and I wouldn't be in either of their new marriages for a million dollars. Janice, you pretty much said it all in that last paragraph! I have a good job, a nice home and have secured my own retirement - I want someone to share my life not make it "better" or "complete" in some way. But I've also found that lots of guys don't want you if you can take care of yourself.
Before you all jump on me guys I didn't say ALL guys - I said SOME.
But that's probably a whole 'nother thread.

I have found that too! SOME guys are intimidated by a woman who can do and think for herself!

I had a girl break up with me because I could cook better than she..

Gee, ability to cook usually earns extra points in my book! You're well rid of her!

seminolegrl06 wrote:wwwwoooowwww. just wow.

Ok, I am only 23 years old. I have so much to say on this topic, I can barely contain myself. But remember this is a 23 year old talking, who is still in school, who has been dating a guy on and off for 5 years, who finally decided that he was ready to get married and that I am the only girl he could ever do it with. Now I find myself in a lot of predicaments. Forgive and forget the past, concentrate on OUR furture, or concentrate on MY future. I love him, a lot. But sometimes I wonder, how I will feel when I am 40 years old. Having said that,

I think everyone is seriously downplaying how the feminist movement plays a huge role in this discussion. In our socierty today we have woman who say, "go out, go to college, join the army, be in corportate society, run for office, vote, demand equal sports teams and equal pay" but than we have another segment of society that is saying " divorce is on the rise, marriages aren't surviving, there are too many turn key kids, parents aren't invovled in school, etc"

Woman have put themselves in a bind. If we go out and get great jobs, make money, and leave husbands and kids to the backburners we are fridged bitches. If we decide to get married and have kids and stay at home, we are not reaching out potential. We are turning our noses up to all the women who worked hard before us to pave a way. Society makes you feel like you have to choose and whatever you choose is wrong.

I gotta say as a 23 year old starting out my life... Its really hard to make a decision.

What is so wrong with wanting to be with someone? What is soo wrong with enjoy the company of a boyfriend? I have a lot of my own space. He lives in south florida about 7 hours away. Its hard sometimes, but I have fun and enjoy my life. Do I wish he were here? Sure! Why? because I miss him, I miss kissing him. Whats wrong with wanting to kiss someone?

Ok so, now not only are we supposed to decide if we want to be a career driven b****, or a "do nothing" stay at home mom, but now we are supposed to do it alone? WTF?

My grandparents were immigrants to this country, and both my grandmothers worked, in fact both went to college, one of my grandmothers was a nurse and the other opened her own business. Now, were they wrong? no not at all. Where they wrong to quit their jobs when they started a family? no! The war made a different enviroment for them. My grandmother knew if my poppy didn't make it back from the war, she would need that college degree and her talents in fashion. She opened her own bridal boutique. Could she have been the next coco channel? probably. Does she regret it? no! Why should she? she still loves my grandpa 60, yes 60 years later. has 3 wonderful healthy children and 14 wonderful and healthy grandchildren and great grandchildren. She wouldn't trade the 14 of us for all the gold in the world.

Ok so tying this all in together. I want to know what is so wrong about wanting to get married? Why do people have to be alone for years to figure themselves out? honestly, my relationship helped me figure out what I wanted from life. When I came to school I said striaght to law school, than to public office, maybe i will fit kids in my life in my 30s. Now, I love having dinner ready when he comes home from work and I want to start having kids around 27-28. People's life pattern changes. I never ever thought the look on his face when he walks through the door at 5:45 would make me happy. But it does! So why am I to feel wrong for that?

Are there women who are moms, own their own business, and have kids and happy husbands? sure. very few. but I plan on being one of them.

Not everyone can have it all. Maybe YOU needed alone time. Maybe YOU needed to figure out who you were. I figured out what I wanted from life by having a relationship. I realized that I will soon be ready for husband and kids. Does that mean I am not being me? nnnnooooo.

There are plenty of girls who have come to florida state to find a boy to marry, and the funny thing is THAT IS WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY. Some women WANT to be trophy wives. Some women WANT to play tennis at the country club and pick up the kids from private school in the SUV. That makes them happy. Honestly its really amazing how many moms at my prep school were content on just being that. moms who have husbands with money.

Sometimes women have been in bad relationships long enough they don't know what they even want from a guy anymore. So whats wrong with them dating to figure it out? Why do they have to be alone? because all bitter 40 somethings got together and figured out the way to feel less bad about their failed marriages were to tell themselves they are happier alone? Maybe these women who date, do it for the fun of it?! maybe these woman jump back into relationships because they would have a meltdown otherwise. Maybe for some woman who got out of marriages where there husband cheated or their sex life was bad maybe they need some postive reinforcement to kick in their own self conscious back to thinking "damn I look good today"

Everyone has their own path in life. <--- thats my advice.

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:Here in the past few years I've run across more women, and a few men, that didn't think their life was of value unless they were in a relationship.

More and More I see women - late 30's thru 60's acting as if their life is worthless because there is no relationship. Some go thru elaborate yet somewhat comical ways to attract men.

Of course men are guilty of this too - you see it often as well.


What is it about these people that they don't realize that a relationship is not the key to self worth but rather self worth is the key to a good relationship. You have to be confident and secure in yourself as a person - how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love you?

If you could say something to these type of people, some words of advice - what would they be?

Well, on the original question, there is nothing I could tell a person like that except "ya NEED to get a life" and I know thats harsh, shallow, flip, whatever, but, geez, I just can't even begin to understand someone that HAS to be in a relationship to have self worth, can't wrap my head around that, what a waste, if someone has to be in a relationship inorder to have a valuable life, then I feel sorry for them.

I'm an only child, (yes, I'll say it for you, "oh, one of those") so maybe its easier, but I could not imagine sitting around waiting for someone and not have done the things I've done and accomplished over the years, that's unbelievable!!! sure as hell not gonna slow me down

ph4ever wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:Here in the past few years I've run across more women, and a few men, that didn't think their life was of value unless they were in a relationship.

More and More I see women - late 30's thru 60's acting as if their life is worthless because there is no relationship. Some go thru elaborate yet somewhat comical ways to attract men.

Of course men are guilty of this too - you see it often as well.


What is it about these people that they don't realize that a relationship is not the key to self worth but rather self worth is the key to a good relationship. You have to be confident and secure in yourself as a person - how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love you?

If you could say something to these type of people, some words of advice - what would they be?

Well, on the original question, there is nothing I could tell a person like that except "ya NEED to get a life" and I know thats harsh, shallow, flip, whatever, but, geez, I just can't even begin to understand someone that HAS to be in a relationship to have self worth, can't wrap my head around that, what a waste, if someone has to be in a relationship inorder to have a valuable life, then I feel sorry for them.

I'm an only child, (yes, I'll say it for you, "oh, one of those") so maybe its easier, but I could not imagine sitting around waiting for someone and not have done the things I've done and accomplished over the years, that's unbelievable!!! sure as hell not gonna slow me down

funny coincidence - my son's a only child and I'm basically the same. I have a half brother that never lived with us.

However I have known "needy" people from across the board - in different sibling order as well as only children.

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:Here in the past few years I've run across more women, and a few men, that didn't think their life was of value unless they were in a relationship.

More and More I see women - late 30's thru 60's acting as if their life is worthless because there is no relationship. Some go thru elaborate yet somewhat comical ways to attract men.

Of course men are guilty of this too - you see it often as well.


What is it about these people that they don't realize that a relationship is not the key to self worth but rather self worth is the key to a good relationship. You have to be confident and secure in yourself as a person - how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love you?

If you could say something to these type of people, some words of advice - what would they be?

Well, on the original question, there is nothing I could tell a person like that except "ya NEED to get a life" and I know thats harsh, shallow, flip, whatever, but, geez, I just can't even begin to understand someone that HAS to be in a relationship to have self worth, can't wrap my head around that, what a waste, if someone has to be in a relationship inorder to have a valuable life, then I feel sorry for them.

I'm an only child, (yes, I'll say it for you, "oh, one of those") so maybe its easier, but I could not imagine sitting around waiting for someone and not have done the things I've done and accomplished over the years, that's unbelievable!!! sure as hell not gonna slow me down

funny coincidence - my son's a only child and I'm basically the same. I have a half brother that never lived with us.

However I have known "needy" people from across the board - in different sibling order as well as only children.

My Dad and Mom were only children as well yikes
Funny thing, I was on a Match.com date one time, talking about each other, blah, blah, balh, and then I got to the only child thing and she said, "Oh, you are one of those"...ha!...needless to say I said, "gee look at the time, check please".

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:Here in the past few years I've run across more women, and a few men, that didn't think their life was of value unless they were in a relationship.

More and More I see women - late 30's thru 60's acting as if their life is worthless because there is no relationship. Some go thru elaborate yet somewhat comical ways to attract men.

Of course men are guilty of this too - you see it often as well.


What is it about these people that they don't realize that a relationship is not the key to self worth but rather self worth is the key to a good relationship. You have to be confident and secure in yourself as a person - how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love you?

If you could say something to these type of people, some words of advice - what would they be?

Well, on the original question, there is nothing I could tell a person like that except "ya NEED to get a life" and I know thats harsh, shallow, flip, whatever, but, geez, I just can't even begin to understand someone that HAS to be in a relationship to have self worth, can't wrap my head around that, what a waste, if someone has to be in a relationship inorder to have a valuable life, then I feel sorry for them.

I'm an only child, (yes, I'll say it for you, "oh, one of those") so maybe its easier, but I could not imagine sitting around waiting for someone and not have done the things I've done and accomplished over the years, that's unbelievable!!! sure as hell not gonna slow me down

funny coincidence - my son's a only child and I'm basically the same. I have a half brother that never lived with us.

However I have known "needy" people from across the board - in different sibling order as well as only children.

My Dad and Mom were only children as well yikes
Funny thing, I was on a Match.com date one time, talking about each other, blah, blah, balh, and then I got to the only child thing and she said, "Oh, you are one of those"...ha!...needless to say I said, "gee look at the time, check please".

Hmmm, so all this time I thought it was the quality of one's character that was important, now you guys are telling me it's birth order? Someone forgot to send me that memo!

AAB, I applaud you for still picking up the check after that comment. I probably would have picked it up....and shoved it down her throat.

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:Here in the past few years I've run across more women, and a few men, that didn't think their life was of value unless they were in a relationship.

More and More I see women - late 30's thru 60's acting as if their life is worthless because there is no relationship. Some go thru elaborate yet somewhat comical ways to attract men.

Of course men are guilty of this too - you see it often as well.


What is it about these people that they don't realize that a relationship is not the key to self worth but rather self worth is the key to a good relationship. You have to be confident and secure in yourself as a person - how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love you?

If you could say something to these type of people, some words of advice - what would they be?

Well, on the original question, there is nothing I could tell a person like that except "ya NEED to get a life" and I know thats harsh, shallow, flip, whatever, but, geez, I just can't even begin to understand someone that HAS to be in a relationship to have self worth, can't wrap my head around that, what a waste, if someone has to be in a relationship inorder to have a valuable life, then I feel sorry for them.

I'm an only child, (yes, I'll say it for you, "oh, one of those") so maybe its easier, but I could not imagine sitting around waiting for someone and not have done the things I've done and accomplished over the years, that's unbelievable!!! sure as hell not gonna slow me down

funny coincidence - my son's a only child and I'm basically the same. I have a half brother that never lived with us.

However I have known "needy" people from across the board - in different sibling order as well as only children.

My Dad and Mom were only children as well yikes
Funny thing, I was on a Match.com date one time, talking about each other, blah, blah, balh, and then I got to the only child thing and she said, "Oh, you are one of those"...ha!...needless to say I said, "gee look at the time, check please".

Hmmm, so all this time I thought it was the quality of one's character that was important, now you guys are telling me it's birth order? Someone forgot to send me that memo!

AAB, I applaud you for still picking up the check after that comment. I probably would have picked it up....and shoved it down her throat.

ph4ever wrote:Seminole - speaking as almost a 50 something woman I will have to say this. Penny's right about the perspective thing.

There's not one thing wrong with dating around to find Mr Right - that's what a smart person does.

What I'm talking about is the type of person that settles just for the sake of a relationship and often to the wrong person.

Also, as a mother I am amused at the parents out there that give a bad example to their children and then are surprised when the child makes a bad judgment and the parents they freak out. HELLO WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE DID YOU SET?

Tequila Revenge wrote:I have an even bigger question.....


Why do women buy sandals so small their heels hang off the back about an inch?

Tequila Revenge wrote:I have an even bigger question.....


Why do women buy sandals so small their heels hang off the back about an inch?

ph4ever wrote:

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:

Ambition At Bay wrote:

ph4ever wrote:Here in the past few years I've run across more women, and a few men, that didn't think their life was of value unless they were in a relationship.

More and More I see women - late 30's thru 60's acting as if their life is worthless because there is no relationship. Some go thru elaborate yet somewhat comical ways to attract men.

Of course men are guilty of this too - you see it often as well.


What is it about these people that they don't realize that a relationship is not the key to self worth but rather self worth is the key to a good relationship. You have to be confident and secure in yourself as a person - how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love you?

If you could say something to these type of people, some words of advice - what would they be?

Well, on the original question, there is nothing I could tell a person like that except "ya NEED to get a life" and I know thats harsh, shallow, flip, whatever, but, geez, I just can't even begin to understand someone that HAS to be in a relationship to have self worth, can't wrap my head around that, what a waste, if someone has to be in a relationship inorder to have a valuable life, then I feel sorry for them.

I'm an only child, (yes, I'll say it for you, "oh, one of those") so maybe its easier, but I could not imagine sitting around waiting for someone and not have done the things I've done and accomplished over the years, that's unbelievable!!! sure as hell not gonna slow me down

funny coincidence - my son's a only child and I'm basically the same. I have a half brother that never lived with us.

However I have known "needy" people from across the board - in different sibling order as well as only children.

My Dad and Mom were only children as well yikes
Funny thing, I was on a Match.com date one time, talking about each other, blah, blah, balh, and then I got to the only child thing and she said, "Oh, you are one of those"...ha!...needless to say I said, "gee look at the time, check please".

Hmmm, so all this time I thought it was the quality of one's character that was important, now you guys are telling me it's birth order? Someone forgot to send me that memo!

AAB, I applaud you for still picking up the check after that comment. I probably would have picked it up....and shoved it down her throat.

No Kathy I'm not telling you that. However I'm sure you are aware of the countless studies that have gone on for years concerning how sibling order effects personality.

If anything I'm saying from the people I've met that seem to have the issues I have discussed sibling order DOES NOT seem to play a part.

Tequila Revenge wrote:I have an even bigger question.....


Why do women buy sandals so small their heels hang off the back about an inch?

Brown Eyed Girl wrote: I am not that obtuse.

LIPH wrote:

Tequila Revenge wrote:I have an even bigger question.....


Why do women buy sandals so small their heels hang off the back about an inch?

Do these sandals make my heels look fat?

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:

Tequila Revenge wrote:I have an even bigger question.....


Why do women buy sandals so small their heels hang off the back about an inch?

That's a major pet peeve of mine too, Dan. Drives me crazy.

flipflopgirl wrote:

LIPH wrote:

Tequila Revenge wrote:I have an even bigger question.....


Why do women buy sandals so small their heels hang off the back about an inch?

Do these sandals make my heels look fat?

pbans wrote:

Brown Eyed Girl wrote:

Tequila Revenge wrote:I have an even bigger question.....


Why do women buy sandals so small their heels hang off the back about an inch?

That's a major pet peeve of mine too, Dan. Drives me crazy.

I HATE that....I have big feet...I would love to wear a cute little size six...but ALAS, just because you can get it on....DOESN'T MEAN IT FITS....and this applies to much, much more than sandals!