Quantas Pilots vs Mechanics

britparrothead · Post by **britparrothead** » August 21, 2007 3:36 pm

Thought I would like to share this with you, I was e-mailed it and I have had a good giggle ever since. (I apologize to anyone who has seen it before, but I still laugh third and fourth time of reading !!)

QUANTAS AIRLINES.............

For those that travel: Or are planning to!

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to
fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
that has never, had a major accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

bravedave · Post by **bravedave** » August 21, 2007 6:03 pm

LOL
Always a classic!
Thanks for posting it here

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » August 21, 2007 8:47 pm

Still funny..

INeverGoAnywhere · Post by **INeverGoAnywhere** » August 21, 2007 8:51 pm

Just hope Creeky remembers this on her impending our...

IrishPirate · Post by **IrishPirate** » August 21, 2007 9:00 pm

Elrod · Post by **Elrod** » August 21, 2007 9:17 pm

Rum_Runner · Post by **Rum_Runner** » August 21, 2007 9:29 pm

Some of those were so funny, I am going to have to share with phriends.....

Snowparrot · Post by **Snowparrot** » August 21, 2007 9:36 pm

I've seen it before, butit always makes me chuckle, too. Thanks
By the way, Brit, I think your jokes are the best!

britparrothead · Post by **britparrothead** » August 22, 2007 5:00 am

Hi Snowparrot,

i aim to please

creeky · Post by **creeky** » August 22, 2007 5:50 am

INeverGoAnywhere wrote:Just hope Creeky remembers this on her impending our...

I am more worried about the fact that the chief engineer that Qantas had signing off the planes as safe to fly - was not qualified and has now fled

popcornjack · Post by **popcornjack** » August 22, 2007 7:50 am

Hadn't heard those before, they are fun-ny!!

unclejohn · Post by **unclejohn** » August 22, 2007 7:58 pm

redwinemaker · Post by **redwinemaker** » August 22, 2007 8:05 pm

A good friend of mine is a maitenence suprvisor for United. He told me this finny but true "Gripe Sheet" and its resolution:

The pilot was about to retire and he took a gripe sheet and wrote to the maintenence crew "Thanks for all of the prompt and great service all these years"

Solution: "Replaced Pilot"