A Question That Bothers Me So

[BigR-KyParrothead]

I have debated posting this in a public forum, feels kinda like I am airing out some of my personal dirty laundry. But, I am having a tough time understanding something that happened to me recently and thought some insight might be helpfull. Plus, I have only met a few other BN'ers...so for the most part this can be an anonymous post.

I'll try to give the condensed version, so here it goes....

Over the summer, I began dating somebody. It tunred out to be a "short romance" but it was intense and quite serious. A few months into things, during a wonderfull weekend together (it was long distance) the "L-word" was said by both parties involved. That same weekend discussions of "spending our life together" and marriage (in the distant future) also took place.

7 days later, I was dumped because the "love of my life" had fallen in love with another guy whom she has known for quite awhile (i was told he was her "big brother"). 7 DAYS LATER! Needless to say, I was shocked and I'm still very upset with her (upset is an understatement). I mean...who does that?

Anway, I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish with this post. Maybe just wanted to vent. Anybody else ever been through anything like this? What did you do?

[12vmanRick]

hey man, sometimes a bunch of strangers that have advice are better than your own family but here me out.

As someone who has recently re-evaluated those I call friends and have decided that those I put effort into that give little or nothing in return are not really friends no matter how long I have known them.

That being said trying to find love hurts and there is a lot of pain involved in relationships period. Those that don't realize your true virtues and character aren't worth having in your life.

Also, drink a few, well more than a few, but don't tie one on, allow yourself to mellow and reflect and think and you'll be a new guy tomorrow. If you don't drink, find yourself another mellow spot, back porch with some Buffett or whatever your "escape" in the city is..

[Y-NO-9-O]

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but consider yourself lucky it was ONLY 7 days and not 7 months or 7 years. A) Since it was a long distance relationship, you better believe she was already seeing him and B) "big brother" is another way of saying "we are always together" which brings me back to A. If she "loved" you on Saturday and "fell in love" with him by the following Saturday, I would say she wanted a nice weekend with a nice guy (you) to see if the other guy was really the one. Plus, I imagine you footed most of the bill for hotel/food/etc so she gets that too. Plus, her ego gets quite a boost from 2 guys pining over her.
She got what she wanted and all you got was the credit card bill (and a wounded heart). With that type of woman, I would say you won.
And to take a line from a song I've heard:
There sits a fifth of tequila....

First shot's on me.

[Wino you know]

This is going to sound cold, but read what I have to say.
YOU'RE BETTER OFF!!!
Better this happens now than after you DO move in together.

First of all, about 90% of the people who think they can find love over the internet are fooling themselves big time, and building themselves up for a HUGE let down.
You know NOTHING about the other person, and anybody can seem like anything from the other side of a computer.

I'm sorry this happened to you, however, I do think as time goes by, you'll pick yourself up and your life will go on, and yes, you'll be happy again.
If you take a deep breath, convince yourself what a great person you really are, you won't need anybody on the internet whom you've never met building up your ego.
Just be yourself, like yourself, and never ever make yourself miserable just to make someone else happy.

You'll be surprised at just how many people are looking for a person EXACTLY like you-people right there in your own county. Believe it.
Yes, on line "flirting" is fun, but DON'T think a fairy tale romance can happen just exchanging words with someone you've never met.
I realize there are a FEW couples here on B.N. who HAVE met via this web site, but, trust me, they're the exception rather than the rule.
I was young once too. I used to think nothing more than good window dressing was all I needed. I was wrong, but not bitter. Disappointed maybe (more so because I thought I wasn't "good enough" than anything else). (I was REALLY wrong when I thought that). You have to tell yourself that too.

Hang out with your friends, do something that makes you happy, be it taking a long trip by yourself, or just renting a few of your favorite movies, but DON'T get down on yourself.

I DID learn SOME things in 55.8 years. Those are just a few.
Keep your chin up. You'll be fine.

[SharkOnLand]

She was probably just trying to get you to put out.

Seriously though, sometimes we get crapped on. Don't let it keep you down though. Just use it to appreciate the good times that much more.

Rick's got some good advice. Find a mellow spot, or hang with some true friends... But don't do anything stupid... love (and loss) can make people do really idiotic stuff.

I'm no Dr. Phil. That's about the best I can do

[nutmeg]

I had a guy ask me to marry him one weekend and when I saw him the next weekend he was engaged to someone else.

Funny now....but not to a 23 year old.

I am definitely better off!

Take my word for it...it wasn't meant to be.

[12vmanRick]

Rick's got some good advice. Find a mellow spot, or hang with some true friends... But don't do anything stupid... love (and loss) can make people do really idiotic stuff.

I'm no Dr. Phil. That's about the best I can do

Thanks and as someone who failed on two marriages, ok so the first wife wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car and asked me to drive and the second one was a minion of satan but the 3rd one is amazing. Believe me there were plenty of girlfriends and the such before the first or even in-between the marriages so it wasn't like I was just some lonesome loser, just a loser

[buffettbride]

The best way to cut your losses is to keep your night of passion and "L" word business in a happy memory place and realize time and space heal *almost* everything.

There's definitely something to be said about the feelings a night/weekend like that can invoke. For now it has to live on as a memory instead of reality. Trying to figure out why she did an about-face on ya would be a moot point probably and wouldn't help you in your "healing process" or whatever you might need to do to feel normalish again.

Luckily, time and space heal *almost* everything when it comes to love, so give yourself plenty of that (and some liquor ).

I'm definitely no relationship expert either and I'm far better at screwing them up than I am making them work, but good 'ol time and space will do wonders for ya.

[Bubbaphan]

the "L-word" was said by both parties involved.

Why would you say "-------" to each other?

(looks like I can't say "-------" on here)

Just kiddin'.

Anyway, I'm with the rest of the pholks. Remember the good parts, forget the rest...and remember that time heals the wounds no one can see.

Can't really explain how, when or why, but it'll get better.

[The Lost Manatee]

I've been down the same path only it wasn't 7 days later. I spent 14 years in the relationship, including 12 of being married. Sometime between December 14th (when we had a nice romantic evening out) and December 20th she decided that she no longer loved me and on the evening of the 20th told me that she no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. The divorce was finalized at the end of the following July, she remarried on August 8th. Now she lives with an unemployed bum who is a control freak and I live a comfortable lifestyle with my current love of my life.

Yeah, it is painful when you get dumped like that however you are better off finding out early on then much later. I am sorry that you got treated like that however you will recover and you will meet someone who will love you for you and make you so very happy.

[drunkpirate66]

I have debated posting this in a public forum, feels kinda like I am airing out some of my personal dirty laundry. But, I am having a tough time understanding something that happened to me recently and thought some insight might be helpfull. Plus, I have only met a few other BN'ers...so for the most part this can be an anonymous post.

I'll try to give the condensed version, so here it goes....

Over the summer, I began dating somebody. It tunred out to be a "short romance" but it was intense and quite serious. A few months into things, during a wonderfull weekend together (it was long distance) the "L-word" was said by both parties involved. That same weekend discussions of "spending our life together" and marriage (in the distant future) also took place.

7 days later, I was dumped because the "love of my life" had fallen in love with another guy whom she has known for quite awhile (i was told he was her "big brother"). 7 DAYS LATER! Needless to say, I was shocked and I'm still very upset with her (upset is an understatement). I mean...who does that?
Anway, I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish with this post. Maybe just wanted to vent. Anybody else ever been through anything like this? What did you do?

high school chicks and crack heads.

[RinglingRingling]

I have debated posting this in a public forum, feels kinda like I am airing out some of my personal dirty laundry. But, I am having a tough time understanding something that happened to me recently and thought some insight might be helpfull. Plus, I have only met a few other BN'ers...so for the most part this can be an anonymous post.

I'll try to give the condensed version, so here it goes....

Over the summer, I began dating somebody. It tunred out to be a "short romance" but it was intense and quite serious. A few months into things, during a wonderfull weekend together (it was long distance) the "L-word" was said by both parties involved. That same weekend discussions of "spending our life together" and marriage (in the distant future) also took place.

7 days later, I was dumped because the "love of my life" had fallen in love with another guy whom she has known for quite awhile (i was told he was her "big brother"). 7 DAYS LATER! Needless to say, I was shocked and I'm still very upset with her (upset is an understatement). I mean...who does that?
Anway, I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish with this post. Maybe just wanted to vent. Anybody else ever been through anything like this? What did you do?

high school chicks and crack heads.

at least with the latter you know what you are getting straight out of the package.

[PackPhanGirl]

Wow! That sucks! I'm sorry you are hurting. I have to say I agree with everyone else. It sounds like maybe you could have been a quick rebound case and she got the attention of the one she really wanted. It's not fair and when you quit hurting I hope you find someone who really appreciates you!

[Skibo]

Breathe in, breathe out, move on.

[PackPhanGirl]

Breathe in, breathe out, move on.

oohhh good answer....can I change mine?

[pojo]

Do what you can.... Yes, it does hurt, but you are most likely better off.

[sonofabeach]

Breath in, breath out, get drunk, move on.

good answer!!

[BigR-KyParrothead]

Breathe in, breathe out, move on.

that is an awesome answer!...and drunk pirate....you made me laugh!

thanks for all the kind words. fellow parrotheads (for the most part) are awesome!

thanks

[12vmanRick]

hey man another thing... this song's one line hit me as such a reality it's unbelievable

When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in your self. When you're broken.

[murPH]

hey man another thing... this song's one line hit me as such a reality it's unbelievable

When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in your self. When you're broken.

Good quote. Here is another one to think about, by Seismonic:

"Every new beginning is some other beginning's end."

Hang in there, and keep those fins pointed UP!

murPH