BuffettNews.com

THIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE
FOLLOWING STATEMENTS
ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE
NOT BEEN RETOUCHED
OR CORRECTED.
INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT
TIRED OF CREATING
THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.
NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF
ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN
PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT
A BALL OF FIRE
DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY
THEY HAD TROUBLE
WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED
ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
UNLEAVENED BREAD
WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT
UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO
EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN
JOSHUA LED THE
HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA
TOLD HIS SON TO
STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING
THE LIAR. HE
FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN
BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE
SANG THE MAGNA
CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE
ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS
IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO
UNTO OTHERS
BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN
DOTH NOT LIVE BY
SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
MANAGED TO GET
THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE
12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO
A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED
HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH
IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
MONOTONY.

IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS


i would go to chuch if is could read a couple pints from that book

I do like a good Guinessis every now & then

Out of the mouths of babes!!!!