Best Divorce letter

britparrothead · Post by **britparrothead** » October 22, 2007 10:14 am

Dear Wife
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to see for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband.
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was that 'You look just like a girl! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty pounds from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem
XXX

unclejohn · Post by **unclejohn** » October 22, 2007 4:19 pm

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » October 22, 2007 4:30 pm

drunkpirate66 · Post by **drunkpirate66** » October 22, 2007 4:38 pm

caly · Post by **caly** » October 22, 2007 6:22 pm

pinacolada lover · Post by **pinacolada lover** » October 23, 2007 12:35 am

I LOVE IT!!!

hoover · Post by **hoover** » October 30, 2007 11:41 am

good one

karat · Post by **karat** » October 30, 2007 12:04 pm

HA!