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Did You Ever Wonder? ...
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If the funeral procession is at night, do you drive with your lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do they call it a TV set when you get only one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If a turtle loses it's shell... is it naked, or homeless?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
If a tin whistle is made out of tin... and it is... exactly what is a fog horn made out of?
"Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?

I have no idea Garry, but I love them all

Wino you know wrote:Did You Ever Wonder? ...
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If the funeral procession is at night, do you drive with If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do they call it a TV set when you get only one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If a turtle loses it's shell... is it naked, or homeless?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
If a tin whistle is made out of tin... and it is... exactly what is a fog horn made out of?
"Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?

if it crashes into a liberal . . . yes. them b*itches sure can cry.

Ricgard Lederer is a funny man. So much so that Gallagher used alot of his material(the stuff you posted) in his skits. I don't know if you got them from here, but his website has more of the same: verbivore.com

Here is a few of my favorites from him


If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Olive oil is made from olives, what's baby oil made from?

Why are they call apartments when they are all together?

Why are they called buildings when they are already built?

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
~~~
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
~~~
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
~~~
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
~~~
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
~~~
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.
~~~
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
~~~
Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them.
~~~
Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
~~~
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
~~~
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
~~~
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
~~~
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
~~~
How can there be self-help "groups"?
~~~
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
~~~
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
~~~
Is it just me--or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?

Conolulu wrote:I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
~~~
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
~~~
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
~~~
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
~~~
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
~~~
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.
~~~
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
~~~
Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them.
~~~
Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
~~~
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
~~~
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
~~~
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
~~~
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
~~~
How can there be self-help "groups"?
~~~
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
~~~
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
~~~
Is it just me--or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?

HA! Those I haven't heard.

I hadn't either....they made me giggle though...

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Thanks Garry! I just spewed cream of broccoli soup on my monitor!!

I like those Garry, I'm using them in this week's sermon.

Why don’t squirrel parents do a better job teaching their kids NOT to play in the middle of the road?

LOL! I am rofl.

Wino you know wrote:Did You Ever Wonder? ...
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If the funeral procession is at night, do you drive with your lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do they call it a TV set when you get only one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If a turtle loses it's shell... is it naked, or homeless?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
If a tin whistle is made out of tin... and it is... exactly what is a fog horn made out of?
"Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?

LOL,you always have the best jokes!

Wondering if it's against any law to gather up a bunch of horsey dookey, box it up, and send it to someone? WOuld that get you in trouble?