Do You Keep In Touch With Old Boyfriends/Girlfriends ?

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » August 18, 2008 1:03 pm

Mottola-Buffett wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:
Mottola-Buffett wrote:
Lightning Bolt wrote:
Mottola-Buffett wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
To those of you with a one-track mind, yes, it would be difficult to believe that there are those out there that simply want to be friends.
I don't know where you're based, and I accept that it may just may be my point of view.
Maybe it is different in smaller towns, where people regularly see each other,
but we're not "wired" to collect women as friends, and those men you speak of (especially unattached) either have, as Jimmy Carter put it, "lust in their heart",
or ....they now find you exceptionally unattractive now and will easily accept a platonic relationship

...or they're just as queer as a $3 bill.

Wishing for the rekindling of past semi-successful relationships with the opposite sex strokes no one's ego but your own, and can hardly be viewed as constructive.
Do you honestly think your husband would appreciate your attempts to "rediscover your past men"???
I suppose if you lived in a one-horse town, as you suggest, and your former boyfriends/girlfriends live nearby, you may find it difficult to contain the "lust in your heart" and face them regularly at the local Brew and Stew.
The men of my past (and those of my husband's) all live thousands of miles away... in a past life that is fun to reflect on.
I have NO Problem with my husband contacting (out of curiosity) girlfriends from his past. In fact, I have often wondered what has happened to them, myself!
It's all a matter of being secure in your current relationship. For those with relationships based on insecurities, I suppose all sorts of jealousy could ensue.

Didn't you ever have friends of the opposite sex? I went to college and studied in a male-dominated field. All my friends were guys. We hung out together constantly, road-tripped together, attended eachother's weddings, email back and forth all the time. I don't find that odd at all.
thinking the fingers got a little ahead there...

Now that would present a whole nother set of parameters wouldn't it!?

it makes the "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" argument a bit easier...

TropicalTroubador · Post by **TropicalTroubador** » August 18, 2008 1:29 pm

Mottola-Buffett wrote:Okay, that's the disadvantage of living on the west coast... I wake up in the morning and everyone else has been chit-chatting hours before me

I think it goes back to the age-old question: Can a man and woman have a friendship that is platonic?

I say yes.

I believe if you're truly solid in your marriage, or current relationship, there is absolutely no need to be jealous of any other relationship your partner has. Now, I didn't say that a friendship with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend should be physically or emotionally intimate. It should be clear from the start to all parties involved that friendship is the purpose of the relationship.

I for one, trust my husband (with eyes wide open) and I expect the same from him.

As far as I'm concerned, the mistakes and relationship troubles of the past happened when we were young and foolish. As JB says, "it's really kind of funny to laugh at it now, but I don't want to go back there". I don't look to rekindle and old flame, but catch up with someone that was an important part of one moment of my life and do it with new perspective.

(I do assume that an ex-husband/wife is a different ballgame altogether... the parameters of marriage are a whole heck of a lot different than the casual nature of the dating scene)

OTOH, if you share kids with that ex, there are good and logical and proper reasons to maintain a civil relationship with them, because you are still (hopefully) both raising those kids.

I haven't done that myself...but I have known plenty of people who've been on the good *and* bad sides of that particular situation.

citcat · Post by **citcat** » August 18, 2008 1:34 pm

This thread scares me.

citcat goes into a corner and sucks her thumb

I had one 'boyfriend' who went just a little crazy when I wanted to break up with him (he cheated). He pointed a little gun at me but I talked him out of using it....he's a semi-famous radio newsman now and I hope he stays away forever. Crazy sumbitch.

But I would like to see what my first boyfriend is doing, he was a very cute boy and I hope he's happy with kids and a nice wife and everything.

TropicalTroubador · Post by **TropicalTroubador** » August 18, 2008 1:34 pm

I'm on relatively good terms with most of my exes, when our paths cross.

One of them did a spectacular job on the artwork for my new album. Living together didn't work out for us in the long run, but we still consider each other family, and I'm happy that she and her current husband seem very well suited for each other.

I ran into one former lover a few years back at a festival, after about twenty years, and we had a great time catching up.

It's harder for those of us who date women to track down an ex, because women's last names are more likely to change over time.

On the down side, there are a few exes I hope *never* to encounter again in this lifetime. And there's one whom it would probably still hurt too much to really spend much time thinking about. But that's the way the story goes.

All in all, I'm of the opinion that if people are gonna get into trouble, they're gonna get into trouble. And it doesn't matter whether it's "rekindling the flame" or finding someone new to make an ash out of themselves with.

Tiki Bar · Post by **Tiki Bar** » August 18, 2008 2:03 pm

TropicalTroubador wrote:I ran into one former lover a few years back at a festival...

Never heard / seen the term "lover" used in real life before!

Caught me off guard is all!

Snowparrot · Post by **Snowparrot** » August 18, 2008 2:58 pm

What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » August 18, 2008 3:00 pm

Snowparrot wrote:What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

"snuggle muffins" is the accepted term in 4 states and all provinces outside Upper and Lower Canada.

:D

PartofthePhlock · Post by **PartofthePhlock** » August 18, 2008 3:08 pm

RinglingRingling wrote:
Snowparrot wrote:What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

"snuggle muffins" is the accepted term in 4 states and all provinces outside Upper and Lower Canada. :D

"sex slave" and "love toy" came to my mind

LIPH · Post by **LIPH** » August 18, 2008 3:08 pm

Snowparrot wrote:What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

f**k buddies

Tiki Bar · Post by **Tiki Bar** » August 18, 2008 3:09 pm

Snowparrot wrote:What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

Boyfriend, or if not applicable, "a good time".

Tiki Bar · Post by **Tiki Bar** » August 18, 2008 3:15 pm

LIPH wrote:
Snowparrot wrote:What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

f**k buddies

That too!

PartofthePhlock · Post by **PartofthePhlock** » August 18, 2008 3:15 pm

Friends with benefits - wooohoo!

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » August 18, 2008 3:18 pm

PartofthePhlock wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:
Snowparrot wrote:What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

"snuggle muffins" is the accepted term in 4 states and all provinces outside Upper and Lower Canada. :D
"sex slave" and "love toy" came to my mind

sex slave has such unsavory connotations after that incident in Bermuda in 1971 tho...

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » August 18, 2008 3:19 pm

PartofthePhlock wrote:Friends with benefits - wooohoo!

and here I use that term to describe folks I know who have health coverage...

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » August 18, 2008 3:23 pm

PartofthePhlock wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:
PartofthePhlock wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:
Snowparrot wrote:What do you mean, Never heard "lover" in real life?
That's what they are!
What do you call them?

"snuggle muffins" is the accepted term in 4 states and all provinces outside Upper and Lower Canada. :D
"sex slave" and "love toy" came to my mind
sex slave has such unsavory connotations after that incident in Bermuda in 1971 tho...
Its all about word usage and interpetation. not to mention, I never heard of anything in 1971.....was you involved? ahaha

I was nine. her name was Robinson.

sonofabeach · Post by **sonofabeach** » August 18, 2008 5:08 pm

Sidew13 wrote:Never had an ex
Kristi was my first girlfriend in high school, and I married her

I'm in the same boat BUT "if" I'm ever single I'm throwing it out of both pant legs!

purpleskye · Post by **purpleskye** » August 18, 2008 5:48 pm

I absolutely DO!!

My hubs and I are not jealous peeps and some of the people in my past are great people...The Past is the Past...

We even had one of my ex's in the wedding party

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » August 19, 2008 12:17 am

Mottola-Buffett wrote:Okay, that's the disadvantage of living on the west coast... I wake up in the morning and everyone else has been chit-chatting hours before me

I think it goes back to the age-old question: Can a man and woman have a friendship that is platonic?

I say yes.

I believe if you're truly solid in your marriage, or current relationship, there is absolutely no need to be jealous of any other relationship your partner has. Now, I didn't say that a friendship with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend should be physically or emotionally intimate. It should be clear from the start to all parties involved that friendship is the purpose of the relationship.

I for one, trust my husband (with eyes wide open) and I expect the same from him.

As far as I'm concerned, the mistakes and relationship troubles of the past happened when we were young and foolish. As JB says, "it's really kind of funny to laugh at it now, but I don't want to go back there". I don't look to rekindle and old flame, but catch up with someone that was an important part of one moment of my life and do it with new perspective.

(I do assume that an ex-husband/wife is a different ballgame altogether... the parameters of marriage are a whole heck of a lot different than the casual nature of the dating scene)

pre- you comes to mind..

I have a few (OK a bunch) of friends that are female..
would I?? no way.. not a chance..
not worth the pain..

Have I even looked up an EX??

Had to.. ( passport required I know Her birthplace,Date.. ETC)

I did see one ex.. just prior to leavig California..
an accident.. three lovely daughters.. two sons..
nice looking hubby.. Private Box in Arco arena

I doubt she even recognized me.. I stopped.. took it in .. and walked.

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » August 19, 2008 12:22 am

Lightning Bolt wrote:
Mottola-Buffett wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
To those of you with a one-track mind, yes, it would be difficult to believe that there are those out there that simply want to be friends.
I don't know where you're based, and I accept that it may just may be my point of view.
Maybe it is different in smaller towns, where people regularly see each other,
but we're not "wired" to collect women as friends, and those men you speak of (especially unattached) either have, as Jimmy Carter put it, "lust in their heart",
or ....they now find you exceptionally unattractive now and will easily accept a platonic relationship

...or they're just as queer as a $3 bill.

Wishing for the rekindling of past semi-successful relationships with the opposite sex strokes no one's ego but your own, and can hardly be viewed as constructive.
Do you honestly think your husband would appreciate your attempts to "rediscover your past men"???

I would Dissagree..
I have some Female friends I would just feel.. dirty if I slept with,
great friends.. no they are pretty.. and cute.. no worries there..
( yep.. I seen them Nekid too)
have I slept with some of their friends.....

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds....

Lightning Bolt · Post by **Lightning Bolt** » August 19, 2008 2:34 am

Mottola-Buffett wrote:
Lightning Bolt wrote:
Mottola-Buffett wrote:
RinglingRingling wrote:

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
To those of you with a one-track mind, yes, it would be difficult to believe that there are those out there that simply want to be friends.
I don't know where you're based, and I accept that it may just may be my point of view.
Maybe it is different in smaller towns, where people regularly see each other,
but we're not "wired" to collect women as friends, and those men you speak of (especially unattached) either have, as Jimmy Carter put it, "lust in their heart",
or ....they now find you exceptionally unattractive now and will easily accept a platonic relationship

...or they're just as queer as a $3 bill.

Wishing for the rekindling of past semi-successful relationships with the opposite sex strokes no one's ego but your own, and can hardly be viewed as constructive.
Do you honestly think your husband would appreciate your attempts to "rediscover your past men"???
I suppose if you lived in a one-horse town, as you suggest, and your former boyfriends/girlfriends live nearby, you may find it difficult to contain the "lust in your heart" and face them regularly at the local Brew and Stew.
The men of my past (and those of my husband's) all live thousands of miles away... in a past life that is fun to reflect on.
I have NO Problem with my husband contacting (out of curiosity) girlfriends from his past. In fact, I have often wondered what has happened to them, myself!
It's all a matter of being secure in your current relationship. For those with relationships based on insecurities, I suppose all sorts of jealousy could ensue.

Didn't you ever have friends of the opposite sex? I went to college and studied in a male-dominated field. All my friends were guys. We hung out together constantly, road-tripped together, attended eachother's weddings, email back and forth all the time. I don't find that odd at all.

Sure, I've got plenty of female friends...and I think I didn't clarify my point here.
I'll also add that I don't have a long list of ex's locally, and I'm flying solo currently.
I do have an occasional e-mail relationship with one, and she's now married w/kids. She's told me her husband doesn't know about our "past."

Her lack of transparency with her husband kind of troubles me, but it's her deal, not mine.
We're 3,000 miles apart now, but if she was across town, I'd be curious about her attentions (and intentions). I have fond memories, and so does she.

I think it's that curiosity that kind of influences my opinion on this matter.