Kids and Phones

[Frank4]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

[SharkOnLand]

I'm pro-phone- nothing like sitting outside after play practice waiting on Mom only to realize she forgot you had practice, the school is locked up tighter than a bank vault, the closest pay phone is a quarter mile away (and your backpack weighs half of your body weight), and the hike means it may not be obvious where you are should Mom realize that you're not home when she gets there.

It builds character.

It's a double edged sword. Do you teach the kid to think for themselves, and figure a way to deal with the situation? Or do you have an "easy button" for every jam they find themselves in, but know that they are safer and easier to get ahold of?

[Brown Eyed Girl]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I'm sorry, but what 13 year old kid needs a crackberry? I wanted a lot of things when I was 13, didn't mean I got them. Hell, I don't even have one now.

It seems to me that if she's broken two, she has no concept of responsiblilty and money...time to take away her phone for a few years.

[buffettbride]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I'm sorry, but what 13 year old kid needs a crackberry? I wanted a lot of things when I was 13, didn't mean I got them. Hell, I don't even have one now.

It seems to me that if she's broken two, she has no concept of responsiblilty and money...time to take away her phone for a few years.

Oh yeah, Victoria's first phone will be whatever is free and I will sleep with her phone, not her.

[AlbatrossFlyer]

Oh yeah, Victoria's first phone will be whatever is free and I will sleep with her phone, not her.

as long as it has vibrate mode.

[Brown Eyed Girl]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I'm sorry, but what 13 year old kid needs a crackberry? I wanted a lot of things when I was 13, didn't mean I got them. Hell, I don't even have one now.

It seems to me that if she's broken two, she has no concept of responsiblilty and money...time to take away her phone for a few years.

Oh yeah, Victoria's first phone will be whatever is free and I will sleep with her phone, not her.

Yeah, I didn't think you'd be getting her a crackberry.

I understand your dilemma. It's easy for all of us to spout off how we survived without cellphones...but we have to admit times have changed. Sadly, it's a different world...kids seldom get the freedom we all took for granted. Heck, kids can't even play dodgeball anymore, let alone ride their bikes until the sun goes down. I may not be a parent, but I do understand that fear of something happening to your child, and the desire to have a way to keep in touch with them. I lost my niece in Kohl's a couple weeks ago and I thought my heart had been ripped out of my chest. So while I may not agree with giving kids a phone with all the bells and whistles, I can't fault a parent for giving a basic phone to their child that has mucho restrictions on it. I don't think I'd give one to a kid prior to middle school though, unless there was a really good reason to do so.

I have complete faith in Victoria...she's already far more responsible than many adults.

[buffettbride]

Oh yeah, Victoria's first phone will be whatever is free and I will sleep with her phone, not her.

as long as it has vibrate mode.

Where shall we even begin with the wrongness of that statement, Charlie?

[Finnsaremorefun]

I'm 21 and wish cell's never existed. They have completely changed life all together. Let her find out what it's like to be a real kid. I refuse to bring mine into restaurants among other places..world's too hectic these days.

[ph4ever]

I'm 21 and wish cell's never existed. They have completely changed life all together. Let her find out what it's like to be a real kid. I refuse to bring mine into restaurants among other places..world's too hectic these days.

Cell phones were science fiction when I was 21 and it was awful. You had to find a working payphone and then have correct change, and then people would come bug you as you tried to talk in a hot glass box that sometimes smelled like urine. And that was in the good parts of town

[Dally]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I think it's time for you to crack down on when she can and can't use the phone. Sounds like the roles of parent and child have been reversed when it comes to this cell phone.

[chippewa]

I'm 21 and wish cell's never existed. They have completely changed life all together. Let her find out what it's like to be a real kid. I refuse to bring mine into restaurants among other places..world's too hectic these days.

Cell phones were science fiction when I was 21 and it was awful. You had to find a working payphone and then have correct change, and then people would come bug you as you tried to talk in a hot glass box that sometimes smelled like urine. And that was in the good parts of town

Kids today probably haven't seen a rotary dial phone, and the next gen. won't know what a phone booth was.

This doesn't bode well for Superman.

[Dally]

I'm 21 and wish cell's never existed. They have completely changed life all together. Let her find out what it's like to be a real kid. I refuse to bring mine into restaurants among other places..world's too hectic these days.

Life all together has changed....it's not due to cell phones it's due to the society we live in.

When you're not safe to let your child play in the front yard by themselves....something is wrong and if a parent feels safer with their child having a cell phone then so be it.

[ph4ever]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I think it's time for you to crack down on when she can and can't use the phone. Sounds like the roles of parent and child have been reversed when it comes to this cell phone.

those are some very wise words lil sis!!!

[Frank4]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I'm sorry, but what 13 year old kid needs a crackberry? I wanted a lot of things when I was 13, didn't mean I got them. Hell, I don't even have one now.

It seems to me that if she's broken two, she has no concept of responsiblilty and money...time to take away her phone for a few years.

It is my fault for this situation. I thought it would teach her responsiblity and it really did not. I came into my daughter's life when she was 8. Before that she never really knew her real dad. Her mother and her grandparents never told her no or gave her any chores. Along came me, I just don't operate that way. I give her stuff to do and I actually challenge her and she hates me for it. She asked for a laptop for Christmas and we got her an Ipod. She told me I was a terrible parent for doing that. BTW, the Ipod is broke...I agreed to get her the phone because she really wanted it and we got some stupid deal on it. NEVER EVER AGAIN

I remember life with out cell phones or text messaging. It was a lot more easier. People at least talked to each other in complete sentences

[buffettbride]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I'm sorry, but what 13 year old kid needs a crackberry? I wanted a lot of things when I was 13, didn't mean I got them. Hell, I don't even have one now.

It seems to me that if she's broken two, she has no concept of responsiblilty and money...time to take away her phone for a few years.

It is my fault for this situation. I thought it would teach her responsiblity and it really did not. I came into my daughter's life when she was 8. Before that she never really knew her real dad. Her mother and her grandparents never told her no or gave her any chores. Along came me, I just don't operate that way. I give her stuff to do and I actually challenge her and she hates me for it. She asked for a laptop for Christmas and we got her an Ipod. She told me I was a terrible parent for doing that. BTW, the Ipod is broke...I agreed to get her the phone because she really wanted it and we got some stupid deal on it. NEVER EVER AGAIN

I remember life with out cell phones or text messaging. It was a lot more easier. People at least talked to each other in complete sentences

You're in a unique situation, that's for sure. Thankfully, when my now-hubby adopted my daughter she was very, very young, so he has always been dad to her as long as she can remember.

In the end, though, she'll give you more respect than her mother as long as you stand by your convictions, even though she'll hate you from about now until she's 30 (I jest). You can only do so much with the cards you are dealt and you are unwavering in calling her your daughter, so that goes a long way, too.

[buffettbride]

First off, I have to preface this by saying I HATE CELL PHONES.

Secondly, one of my biggest regrets in life is getting one for my 13 year old kid. She text messages on that thing 24/7, takes it everywhere with her, and even sleeps with it. We helped her get a blackberry pearl for her birthday, she's now broken it twice. The screen on the latest one is cracked.

I'd rather see kids walking around with a roll of quarters then cell phones. They are freaking evil

This is one of those topics that really gets me fired up

I think it's time for you to crack down on when she can and can't use the phone. Sounds like the roles of parent and child have been reversed when it comes to this cell phone.

those are some very wise words lil sis!!!

Yeah, but if his wife doesn't support the discipline, then that's only 1/2 the problem.

[Brown Eyed Girl]

Thanks for the background, Frank. I wholeheartedly agree with Mal. It sounds like she is craving those limits you're trying to set on her, but also pushing the boundaries to see if you'll cave or give up on her. Maybe if she had a little more ownership in her things she'd be more responsible with them. Do you have any jobs the two of you could do together, where she could earn money? Maybe cleaning out the garage or attic, painting, gardening, anything like that? You could crank up the tunes, both her faves and yours. Agree to a set amount of time and amount of work she needs to complete for a specific dollar amount...and then if she wants to work longer, she can make more. You both can go together to purchase her next desired item, but let her count out the money...it's more concrete to actually see her hard earned money going to pay for something. I've found that kids who earn part or all of the money for something they want tend to treat the items better than those who don't.

Kudos to you for not giving up, even when she challenges you every step of the way. Mal's right, she's going to respect you a whole lot more than the rest of her family. Do what you can to get them all on the same page as you.

[KeetAtHeart]

Kudos to you for not giving up, even when she challenges you every step of the way. Mal's right, she's going to respect you a whole lot more than the rest of her family. Do what you can to get them all on the same page as you.

Kudos from me, too, Frank. It's so hard to be the "bad cop," but ultimately you're doing your daughter a huge favor by setting limits, even if it's not supported by the other parent. The cell phone isn't the problem, it's the lack of respect & discipline. If she wasn't abusing her cell phone privileges, she's be doing something else equally rebellious - that's her job right now.

My son (11) throws big temper tantrums when we tell him no... and then 10 minutes later, he's as sweet as can be. It's almost like he's relieved when we finally set those limits for him (though the fireworks aren't pleasant for anyone, including the neighbors!).

Good luck! Parenting is so dang hard!!

[nutmeg]

I'm a fan of the phones that only call three pre programmed emergency numbers. That way she can reach Mom or the specified neighbor or whatever....but no one else. I think they have kid's phone like that.

My neice got a cell. (she's 14) and she is getting all kinds of wierd people calling her. (one of her "friends" gave out her number)

She also gets calls from a girl she doesn't know accusing her of all kinds of stuff.

I think cell phones are a menace for youngsters....if they can receive calls from other than parents etc.

If the technology exists to only receive calls from certain numbers and only place calls sto certain numbers, it might be workable.

The other thing I have heard from friends is that their kids go over their minutes for texting and by the time they know about it, they owe a huge bill.

I'd drag my feet on this one....

The other issue is the not thinking for themselves one mentioned above. If mom is always available with an answer...they never learn to figure out their own answers. I read a piece on "helicopter parents" which described how always being available to the children did not let them grow to be independent, problem solving adults.

This is a tough situation....and one I'm glad I don't have to deal with

Best of luck!

[Dally]

Frank...incoming PM