The Funniest Thread Ever

popcornjack · Post by **popcornjack** » November 10, 2008 7:36 pm

This is a little off color, but then again so am I....

A husband and wife are in bed having sex. They're just about to reach the best part of it when their 8 year old son Timmy walks into the room. Timmy takes one look at what's going on and runs the other way. The father looks at the mother and says "Well, I guess I should go talk to him, try to explain what was going on." So the father gets dressed and walks down to Timmy's room. he opens the door to find Timmy and Timmy's grandmother in bed, furiously having sex. The father gasps in shock and Timmy turns, looks at him, and says:

"See? Not so funny when it's YOUR mom."

mjeischen · Post by **mjeischen** » November 10, 2008 9:50 pm

popcornjack wrote:This is a little off color, but then again so am I....

A husband and wife are in bed having sex. They're just about to reach the best part of it when their 8 year old son Timmy walks into the room. Timmy takes one look at what's going on and runs the other way. The father looks at the mother and says "Well, I guess I should go talk to him, try to explain what was going on." So the father gets dressed and walks down to Timmy's room. he opens the door to find Timmy and Timmy's grandmother in bed, furiously having sex. The father gasps in shock and Timmy turns, looks at him, and says:

"See? Not so funny when it's YOUR mom."

LMAO!!! AWESOME!

Post by **SMLCHNG** » November 10, 2008 9:51 pm

I'm not laughing.. I'm not laughing..

mjeischen · Post by **mjeischen** » November 10, 2008 9:58 pm

Fred and Barry have been friends since grade school baseball . . . Now 85 yrs old they've slowed down but their love of baseball grows.

The debate on the city park bench is always whether or not there is baseball in heaven. Fred and Barry clearly agree heaven with out baseball is simply hell. One sunny Sunday afternoon Fred comes to the bench to meet Barry as usual and while thumbing through the obituaries learns his friend of 70+ years has died. Fred continues tradition and still shows up to the bench daily . . . . one afternoon Fred hears a voice and its Barry.

"Barry is that you!?"
"Yes Fred and I have good news and bad news?!"
"Damn it there's no baseball in heaven?"
"No there's baseball everyday in heaven from morning until night"
"Well Barry that must be the good news what could be so bad if there is baseball in heaven?"
"You're the starting pitcher on Thursday."

drunkpirate66 · Post by **drunkpirate66** » November 11, 2008 9:21 am

popcornjack wrote:This is a little off color, but then again so am I....

A husband and wife are in bed having sex. They're just about to reach the best part of it when their 8 year old son Timmy walks into the room. Timmy takes one look at what's going on and runs the other way. The father looks at the mother and says "Well, I guess I should go talk to him, try to explain what was going on." So the father gets dressed and walks down to Timmy's room. he opens the door to find Timmy and Timmy's grandmother in bed, furiously having sex. The father gasps in shock and Timmy turns, looks at him, and says:

"See? Not so funny when it's YOUR mom."

There should be an award for joke of the year; this would win.

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 11, 2008 12:38 pm

Quint wrote:Geoge Bush and Dick Cheany are sitting in the White House one morning getting ready to enjoy one last breakfast with each other. The waiteress walks up and Dick Cheany says " I think I'll have the egg and pancake special". George Bush looks at the menu then looks at the waiteress and says " Ill have a quickie " The wiatersss moans " Oh, not again, this is just like the Bill Clinton days " Dick Cheany leans over to George Bush and says " Ah.. its pronounced Quach "

Kinda blew the punchline there. "It's pronounced quiche."

popcornjack · Post by **popcornjack** » November 12, 2008 12:42 pm

A bear and a rabbit are in the woods together doing their business when the bear turns to the rabbit.

"Lemme ask you something," he says.

"Sure," the rabbit replies. "What's up?"

"I was wondering," asks the bear, "if poop ever sticks to your fur?"

"Never has," says the rabbit.

And with that, the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his bum with him.

Frank4 · Post by **Frank4** » November 19, 2008 1:34 pm

A young man named John received a parrot as A gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the Bird's' mouth was rude,
obnoxious and laced with profanity, he tried and tried to change the bird's attitude
by consistently saying polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him into
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not A Peep, was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a
dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 19, 2008 2:11 pm

Why won't Courtney Love be having any cranberry sauce with her Thanksgiving dinner???

Because she'll have died from a heroin overdose by then.

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 19, 2008 2:13 pm

Why did Burt Reynolds stick his penis in a bottle of Paul Newman's salad dressing?

The men were friends for over 40 years, do you think he's going to stick his penis in a competitor's salad dressing???

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 20, 2008 9:40 am

Is this thing on??? Moving right along.....

In which US state did my ex-wife start having sex with the dentist she ended up running off with?

I don't actually know but when I see her in court next month.... I'llaska.

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 20, 2008 9:43 am

Why did Colonel Sanders keep his eleven herbs and spices a secret?

Because he was ashamed of them.

blackjack · Post by **blackjack** » November 20, 2008 11:45 am

FunkHouse9 wrote:Is this thing on??? Moving right along.....

In which US state did my ex-wife start having sex with the dentist she ended up running off with?

I don't actually know but when I see her in court next month.... I'llaska.

Ouch.

krusin1 · Post by **krusin1** » November 20, 2008 11:49 am

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

Hockey Mon · Post by **Hockey Mon** » November 20, 2008 11:51 am

Hey, what did Del wear?

A new jersey.

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 20, 2008 11:58 pm

Why did God create herpes?

So Robin Williams could give something to his female fans that they couldn't just turn around and sell on eBay.

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 29, 2008 12:24 pm

What do you call the creatures who are growing in the pile of potato chip wrappers and discarded g-strings behind Britney Spears' house?

Her children.

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » November 29, 2008 12:24 pm

What do you call a senior citizen who can't refrain from exposing their genitalia in public?

Madonna.

Tequila Revenge · Post by **Tequila Revenge** » November 29, 2008 10:26 pm

Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.

As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?

Cooter's wife gave it to me, Ronnie replies.

That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?

Well, not exactly, Donnie says. When she answered the door, I said to her, you must be Cooter's widow.

She said, you must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.

Then I said, I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.

Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive s***.

rich_big · Post by **rich_big** » November 30, 2008 1:04 am

FunkHouse9 wrote:
Quint wrote:Geoge Bush and Dick Cheany are sitting in the White House one morning getting ready to enjoy one last breakfast with each other. The waiteress walks up and Dick Cheany says " I think I'll have the egg and pancake special". George Bush looks at the menu then looks at the waiteress and says " Ill have a quickie " The wiatersss moans " Oh, not again, this is just like the Bill Clinton days " Dick Cheany leans over to George Bush and says " Ah.. its pronounced Quach "
Kinda blew the punchline there. "It's pronounced quiche."

Real men eat Quach.