The Funniest Thread Ever

ph4ever · Post by **ph4ever** » November 6, 2008 11:41 pm

SchoolGirlHeart wrote:
TommyBahama wrote:(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Yes, damb you!

me too!!

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » November 6, 2008 11:43 pm

Mottola-Buffett wrote:
TommyBahama wrote:A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectlyformed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'

(folks, your gonna luv this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
My kids loved this one; altho I had to explain the Mick Jagger/Rolling Stones reference.

I taught mine at an early age when she would be asking me to buy her something constantly. I would say, "What does Mick Jaggar say?"

And she would respond, "You can't always get what you want."

Mick Jaggar as a parenting tool Most excellent.

drunkpirate66 · Post by **drunkpirate66** » November 6, 2008 11:50 pm

buffettbride wrote:know what's funny? farts. farts are funny.

almost as funny are uranus jokes. uranus jokes are always funny.

I think making fun of the deaf - blind - and dead like Helen Keller is funny. There, I said it.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » November 6, 2008 11:52 pm

drunkpirate66 wrote:
buffettbride wrote:know what's funny? farts. farts are funny.

almost as funny are uranus jokes. uranus jokes are always funny.
I think making fun of the deaf - blind - and dead like Helen Keller is funny. There, I said it.

I do a great "Jerry's Kids" voice.

ph4ever · Post by **ph4ever** » November 6, 2008 11:52 pm

buffettbride wrote:
Mottola-Buffett wrote:
TommyBahama wrote:A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectlyformed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'

(folks, your gonna luv this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
My kids loved this one; altho I had to explain the Mick Jagger/Rolling Stones reference.
I taught mine at an early age when she would be asking me to buy her something constantly. I would say, "What does Mick Jaggar say?"

And she would respond, "You can't always get what you want."

Mick Jaggar as a parenting tool Most excellent.

I've witnessed it - so cute!!

krusin1 · Post by **krusin1** » November 7, 2008 12:09 am

SMLCHNG wrote:
krusin1 wrote: The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Groan.

Hey, he asked for bad ones....

So...

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

and for DP66 and BB...

Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

Lightning Bolt · Post by **Lightning Bolt** » November 7, 2008 12:18 am

UAHparrothead wrote:What do you call a dog with no legs?

...It doesn't matter, he's not coming to you anyway.

What do you do with a dog with no legs?

You take him out for a drag

drunkpirate66 · Post by **drunkpirate66** » November 7, 2008 12:18 am

krusin1 wrote:
SMLCHNG wrote:
krusin1 wrote: The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Groan.
Hey, he asked for bad ones....

So...

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

and for DP66 and BB...

Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

Lightning Bolt · Post by **Lightning Bolt** » November 7, 2008 12:22 am

Man walks into a bar....

He goes..."^#@%*, that hurt"

UAHparrothead · Post by **UAHparrothead** » November 7, 2008 12:48 am

Lightning Bolt wrote:Man walks into a bar....

He goes..."^#@%*, that hurt"

"In Soviet Russia, bar walks into you."

Desdamona · Post by **Desdamona** » November 7, 2008 1:49 am

"Bad Jokes" from the Prairie Home Companion (PHC!) movie...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUCGKLXneQ8
(The soundtrack CD has just the "song". )

C-Dawg · Post by **C-Dawg** » November 7, 2008 6:05 am

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."

A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

Conolulu · Post by **Conolulu** » November 7, 2008 6:12 am

What's Mary short for?

She's got no legs.

drunkpirate66 · Post by **drunkpirate66** » November 7, 2008 7:59 am

there is that tacky - borderline retarded - Parrot Head humor I love! now we need some funny pictures offensive pictures of animals doing wacky things.

pair8head · Post by **pair8head** » November 7, 2008 8:16 am

Lightning Bolt wrote:Man walks into a bar....

He goes..."^#@%*, that hurt"

Two men walk into a bar,

You would think the second guy would have seen it.

HockeyParrotHead · Post by **HockeyParrotHead** » November 7, 2008 8:59 am

Termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"

bravedave · Post by **bravedave** » November 7, 2008 9:01 am

Skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer...
and a mop."

Gulfbreeze · Post by **Gulfbreeze** » November 7, 2008 9:05 am

Rodney Dangerfield wrote: I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

green1 · Post by **green1** » November 7, 2008 9:05 am

So the pope, an Indian and Polish guy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this some kind of joke?"

Hockey Mon · Post by **Hockey Mon** » November 7, 2008 9:27 am

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"