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Ok. So here's the deal. He definitely has cancer. Since I started this thread, he's had three procedures to insert larger stents into his bile ducts to help keep them open. Unfortunately, the growth he has keeps clamping down on them which causes the bile to back up in his gall bladder. A few weeks ago, he collapsed at home (in Grand Junction, CO which is about 4 hours away from Denver) with blood pressure so low and blood sugar so high he shouldn't have even been alive.

He spent a few days in the hospital (in Grand Junction) and left with a plan to get the gall bladder out on March 26, in addition to removing whatever cancer stuff they can and rebuilding his bile duct system. I talked to him on the phone yesterday and I don't think I've ever talked to anyone who sounded like actual death before the way he did.

So, he'll be back in Denver in a few weeks to have the surgery. He'll be in the hospital 1-2 weeks. Then I'm guessing all that other cancer treatment stuff will start happening. Unfortunately, my dad is not much of a communicator so it is hard to get all the details and the game plan out of him. I should be able to get all the details from my stepmom when they get here for the surgery. Right now we're working on a plan to find her some place to stay that isn't a hotel since my dad will be here for quite a while. While an air mattress in the dining room probably works for most BNrs, somehow I don't think my stepmom will go for it.

Anyway--thanks to everyone who gave me their input on bile duct cancer. Yes--the prognosis is pretty bad from what I've read and heard. It's one of those diagnosis on par with pancreatic cancer that doesn't really have a survival rate because by the time it is discovered, it is too late. Couple that with him waiting nearly a year to even let his wife know he was sick just compounds the problem.

This is all a little awkward for me. I just don't know my dad very well--he almost doesn't seem like a dad, but just a person I know. That doesn't mean I'm happy he has to go through this or anything--it's all just, awkward. I am happy that he has my stepmom to really be there for him. I wish I had some clue what kind of relationship he wants to have with me. I suppose there probably isn't a better time to put baggage aside and just be there.

(((((((Mal & family)))))))

Your dad will be in my prayers. Hoping that the surgery and recovery will go well, and the cancer treatment will both prolong life and give him good quality life.

As far as the relationship, I've never been in your shoes, so I don't have any advice that stems from experience, but I think you kind of answered your own question:

buffettbride wrote:I suppose there probably isn't a better time to put baggage aside and just be there.

Given what you've posted about your lack of relationship with him, I think you're truly stepping up to the plate to be there for him at a time when you might justifiably have backed away. Very classy, Mal.

Damn, Mal. I'm sorry. This crap is rough.

As far as a place for your step mom to stay, contact the hospital. Many large hospitals have accommodations for out of town spouses. My Mom stayed in one in Seattle when my Dad had a heart attack and then surgery while on vacation. My two sisters and I joined her and they put us up too. It was an old wing of the hospital. It was great, and we could visit him anytime without having to drive anywhere. It was very comforting for our Mother to be that close to him.

Major love and Phin Power sent for the whole Family..

buffettbride wrote:This is all a little awkward for me. I just don't know my dad very well--he almost doesn't seem like a dad, but just a person I know. That doesn't mean I'm happy he has to go through this or anything--it's all just, awkward. I am happy that he has my stepmom to really be there for him. I wish I had some clue what kind of relationship he wants to have with me. I suppose there probably isn't a better time to put baggage aside and just be there.

Good for you for putting baggage aside. I think it's fine to see him as "just a person you know," rather than a "dad" with all the expectations that go along with that title. You don't need to pressure yourself about the terms of the relationship, on top of all of the other challenges. I'll bet you are the kind of caring person that is glad to be there for someone you care about, regardless of his title or your sense of obligation. And even if your dad isn't particularly connected to you, it sounds like your stepmother can use the support, too!

I admire you for stepping up to the plate, and wish you strength during this trying time.

Tina

Good luck, and all the best for everyone, Mal.

Sending love, Mal.

((((Mallory))))

Prayers and phin power to you and your Dad and family. This must be very difficult for you in all respects.

University of Southern California has some good info on bile duct cancer, and procedures for it.

http://www.mguitar.com/artists/display_artist.php?d=238

So sorry to hear this....

Sending lots of phin power and prayers for your Dad and you....

So, my dad had his surgery--the day of the big blizzard about a week and a half ago here in Denver. The surgery took almost 13 hours, but was extremely successful. He was out of the ICU in just about two days and is recouping in the surgical recovery ward.

They removed as much of whatever tumor they found in and around his bile ducts and pancreas, and remodeled his insides using something called the whipple procedure: http://www.mayoclinic.org/pancreatic-ca ... edure.html.

I think overall he is doing well, but he has had a few setbacks. He's had a long history with gout, and that is flaring up, so he hasn't been able to do his prescribed walking (that he must do before he can go home). He is also having trouble eating. His new system isn't quite sure where to send the food since it is all rearranged, so it does the only thing it knows to do and comes back up. He is able to keep clear liquids down, so the food thing is just a matter of practice and time.

Looks like he'll probably be in the hospital at least another week (average hospital stay for this procedure is 14 days...average!!) so he's not really doing half shabby since it's just now a week and a half.

He definitely looks and sounds better than before he had the surgery. We haven't talked overall outcomes or what to expect when he's out of the hospital (like chemo or anything), but it has definitely provided him some comfort and relief for now...

Anyway, thanks y'all for any good thoughts you've spared for my dad.

Mal! It's so good to see you!

I'm glad your dad made it through what looks to have been a very tough surgery. Phin power for a good recovery!

So glad the procedure went well. Here's more phin power sent your way......^^^^^

Glad to hear your Dad's in good care and improving, Mal.

(((((Mal and Family))))) Glad to her Dad's headed towards the mend.

The official report from the surgeon is back. While they were able to successfully perform the whipple procedure, there was remaining cancer in his liver they were unable to remove during the initial 12 hour surgery.

He meets with an oncologist in Denver (he lives on the western slope of CO, so it is a trek for him) on Monday to determine what's next for treatment, which is probably chemo.

*sigh*

(((((MALLORY)))))

None of this is easy, precious friend. Thoughts for your dad and for you . . .

hang in there, girl....

(((((((((((((((((((Mal, Dad and family)))))))))))))))))))))) good thoughts and prayers coming from New Jersey!

(((((Mal & Family)))))

Keeping all you of in my thoughts.......

(((Mal, Dad and families))))