remembering mom

[rich_big]

1/9/05 was the day my mom died. It was 3 weeks before her 65th birthday. I went to the cemetery this morning to visit her grave.

On Dec 28, 2004 I went to my parent’s house and asked, “Where’s Mom?” Dad said she was upstairs doing her dialysis. I asked why is she doing it early, its not 4 o’clock. He said we got good news…UCLA called and said they might have a kidney for her. It was a maybe, but she had been on the donor list for I don’t remember how many years, 7 or 8. We were all thrilled; this was the closest she had ever been to getting her long awaited and much needed transplant. Around 6 that night Dad drove her to UCLA to admit her. At around 3 that next morning, they took her in and she was ready to go.

Next day we visited her. She was not doing well, really out of it and in a lot of pain. She continued to go downhill, but had brief moments of doing better. The big deal they were waiting for was for her to pee. That means the kidney transplant was a success. I visited her every day while she was in there, most days once in the morning and once at night. She had two heart attacks while recovering. That didn’t scare me all too much. Truth is if I could pick anyplace in the world to be when I had a heart attack, ICU at UCLA would be the best choice. Much better than on a boat in the middle of the Pacific or something. So they moved her from the renal recovery area to the cardiac recovery area. They got that under control and moved her back to the kidney wing. She then again went downhill.

Most of the time visiting her, she was out of it. When she was awake, she would say things that were not correct. “We are in the French Alps.” Or “Someone just came in the window”. The thing that was strange was she was not frightened by seeing someone come in the window. I would say “Mom, we are in Brentwood on the 8th floor of UCLA, nobody could come in the window” I spoke to a friend of mine whose father had died; he read that’s how people die. It is a very peaceful way to go. They are going to places they want to be. I like to still believe that.

On Jan 8 while driving home Dad called me, said come to his house. I was on the freeway and it was pouring rain. I asked if Mom died, I knew she didn’t have long. He said no, but I need to come over. At his house he said Mom had taken a turn for the worse. They put a breathing tube in her and did not expect her to survive the night. He said I should come back early tomorrow and we would go visit her at 6 on Sunday morning. (Mom had spent a lot of time the past few years in hospitals, and Dad and I always disregarded visiting hour rules. We would just show up and walk right on in)

I did not sleep well knowing that my mother was going to die that night. I got to Dad’s house around 5:30 and he was crying. So I knew. She died a few hours earlier. We went down and saw her for the last time. I am glad I did that. She looked like she was finally at peace.

We had a funeral and made donations to UCLA Medical Center Transplant. I am glad she is at peace, but I still miss her.

I don’t know why I am posting all of this; it’s probably depressing as hell.

So think a good thought for Mom today and be an organ donor.

[popcornjack]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I used to dread April 9th every year after my father passed away. Eventually what came to happen was that the day meant less and less as the memories of him dying were replaced with all the great memories I had of him living.

[ph4ever]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom passed 20 years ago and over the time, the pain eases and is not really forgotten but put in a place where you can deal and cope with it easier. Your sharing your story is perhaps not a bad depressing thing like you said but maybe something that could motovate a person to not only be a donor but a living donor. Thanks for sharing.

[pbans]

((((Rich))))

That was just a few months after my Mom passed so I feel you my friend......

and BTW, I am an organ donor and always have been.....designated on my license AND my family knows my wishes...

Sending you good thoughts, it sucks being an orphan.

[C-Dawg]

Rich, thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Wino you know]

RICHARD:
I'm not supposed to have tears rolling down my cheeks when I'm on the job and in uniform.
{{{{{{{RICHARD & FATHER}}}}}}}

Much of your story was what I went through on May 10, 2008.
The peaceful look, not being afraid, and beautiful words that didn't necessarily mean anything, but sounded beautiful nonetheless.
Please don't think your sharing the story as depressing. I know it's obviously very painful for you, but I've found for me it's very theraputic for me to talk about it. Mostly because there are so many people who care so much and can empathize.

I hope you feel the same way-you know you have lots of friends here and I know any of us would be glad to chat with you anytime.
We're just an e-mail away, or, if you want, you can pick up the phone and call too.

Godspeed to you and your father-be strong for him, I know you've been a rock to him these past four years, and YOU know that's what's been sustaining him.

Smile, count your blessings, and cherish the memories. They're yours forever.
Finally, remember the people who love you.
LET THEM.

{{{{{{{RICHARD & FATHER}}}}}}}

[momsrule27]

That is what we are here for to listen to each other and go through this crazy world together. I'm glad you posted - it's good for us that still have our family and friends around us to receive a reminder of how precious life is. I am also happy you mentioned organ donation - another very important reminder. I will keep good thoughts for you and your Mom.

[ParrotHeadDeb]

Thinking of you & sending good thoughts your way.

[nutmeg]

((Rich))

[Tequila Revenge]

Lost my Dad on Jan 4th two years ago. I think I lived in a haze for the next 4 months.

Hang in there

Life is precious. Sounds like your Mom was very special.

[SMLCHNG]

((((((Rich))))))

Thank you for sharing this with us. Sounds like you have a wonderful family.


Today is a memory for me, as well. It would have been my brothers 58th birthday.

A toast to your mom from my brother, Dan.

[TommyBahama]

Sorry to hear of your loss!!!

[rumdrinks]

I sit here teary eyed for you and wonder how I will hold up when that time comes for my mother, who is 85 and suffering from lung cancer. I know the time is coming but not sure how to handle it. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers tonite.

[springparrot]

((((Rich))))
It does get easier....it really does

[bufitonmybmw]

((((((Rich))))))

Thank you for sharing this with us. Sounds like you have a wonderful family.

I can only echo what Penny said.....

[ejr]

I am coming up on the 26th anniversary of losing my mom, and the 25th for my dad (lost them 11 months apart) and still remember much of it vividly. It will always be with you but it definitely got easier to deal with. Sharing your stories is a great way of keeping her close to you!

[blackjack]

I thank God I still have both my parents.

I don't think what you wrote was depressing. It was beautiful that you could honor the memory of your mom.

Be well.

[Salukulady]

Your post was not depressing at all, Rich. It is good and therapeutic for us to share stories of our loved ones we have lost. Lost my Mom 4th of July 2002. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. She was very ill the last two years and it was a painful time for her. I dream of her more often the longer she's been gone and the cool thing, she's always healthy in my dreams and usually telling me that I should be doing whatever I'm doing, her way. Always giving me hell. It's great.

[Karacal]

(((((((Rich)))))))

Thanks so much for sharing.......my Mom was also on dialysis but was too sick to be considered for a transplant. She has been gone 11 years now and my Dad has been gone 1 year. It is very hard to lose your parents and helps to talk about it. I'm very sorry for your loss and am sending you lots of phin power and good thoughts!!

[tikitatas]

May you find peace in the knowledge that so many of us care and can empathize, Rich.