If your young adult child wanted to pursue a music career

[popcornjack]

I went to college for acting. Told my parents when I was a junior in high school that was what i wanted to do. Spent my senior year in high school at a performing arts school, attended NYU got a BFA in Drama. Parents helped out a lot, I'm paying the rest off.

That was 16 years ago.

I have lived and worked in NY and LA pursuing it. I have for the time being given up and am now rather successful in the restaurant business. Some day I may go back, some day I may not. Who knows?

Literally just came from hanging out with my mom. She totally supported my decision to attend acting school and pursue that career even when it didn't make sense to her. But she is no less proud of me now, even though I am as far from my dreams as I ever thought I would be.

Love your child. Support them financially as much as makes sense and emotionally until it seems illogical. They will remember the emotion support long after the financial part comes and goes.

[conched]

Move to Austin?

Good idea to get into music promotion, research getting into Berklee...

[Brown Eyed Girl]

what would you tell them?

practice, practice, Practice!

I want him to follow his dream but I want a back up plan in place that will pay the bills. If he stays in school I will help with some of the bills like I was doing up to this point.

Sounds like you are doing it right.
Encourage him to continue school, not just as something to pay the bills or get to a specific career, but as something to keep his options open. Offering to pay bills if he's in school, and making it clear that he is on his own if he is not in school sends a good message; the decision is his, but the path of least resistance is to stay in school. Good luck!

Agreed, and in the same vein, how about encouraging him to pursue an education in the business side of the musical scene? That way he's getting an education that could lead to a career and it will give him knowledge of both sides of the music industry. I would think that that could be a valuable asset.

And a good addition to the business classes he's taking

I should have said business/technical side...but basically the side opposite of the musicians. Plus it could really help open some doors for him.

[buffettbride]

OCG--you are a good mom. You will help him find the balance between following his dreams while giving him realistic expectations about life. I'd rather think he'd be better off with a degree in business that he'll never use than wondering "what if" forever and ever.

[keybdplyr]

If he is a person of substance and character and especially if he is smart, I would support him 100% to the exclusion of all other endeavors, including school. The only thing he is losing by pursuing his dream is time. Don’t most of us wish we had taken a shot back when there wasn’t much to lose. No need to play safe if he’s the type that can stay out of trouble and move on responsibly if it doesn’t pan out. School and work will still be there.

However, if he is not such a person, as I maybe was, I would put a heavier burden on him and try to keep the situation more tightly structured. If he is not the type to handle this responsibly, he needs some protection against falling into laziness, debt, drugs, fatherhood, etc. which WILL burden him and will lose him more than just time.

Probably not that black and white, I know, and obviously no guarantees. Good luck.

[springparrot]

Move to Austin?

Good idea to get into music promotion, research getting into Berklee...

I was just going to suggest that!!!

I understand Jerry Jeff has a great department
read about LIPA
http://jerryjeff.com/LIPA/

[Lightning Bolt]

Get a real job first, pay the bills...and keep working on the music as a serious hobby
Most musicians don't mature into their full talents until later as continue to gain experience and perspective.

I didn't start pursuing music seriously until my 30's. I could afford the equipment,
I then knew a bigger circle of musicians, and started gigging on the side.

[Salukulady]

How old is this "Adult"? Financially supporting a 18 year old for a couple years while he gets it out of his system or makes it is one thing. Doing it for a 25 year old is crazy.

I'm a hard ass. I tell my kids, "You hit 18, out the door". I'm not serious, but they know I expect them to carry a full load of credits in college, trade school or the military IF they wish to remain at home rent free after graduation. If they decide to stay at home and work instead, they pay me rent and follow the same rules as were imposed before they were 18.

It make me crazy when parents coddle their children until they're 30 and then don't understand why they're offspring can't support themselves.

Emotionally I will support my children's dreams no matter how outlandish they seem to me. I've always told them, "Find what you love to do, and figure out how to make money doing it".

[AlbatrossFlyer]

what would you tell them?

be supportive, but have a fall back plan.

unless they really aren't that talented then some simon cowell advice is in order.

[TropicalTroubador]

"The music business is a dark plastic hallway where pimps and thieves run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." - Hunter S. Thompson

Seriously...it sounds like he's doing the right stuff. Always have a plan B.

[Bfan53again]

Just a few thoughts:
> Drive a Packard to Key West;
> Work on fishing boats during the day, sing in local bars for your food at night;
> Create your "own" sound, maybe something about the island life;
> In about 30 years you should be playing summer concerts to faithful fans, have a chain of restaurants, and be living the "good life"!

Seriously, if a young person has a genuine interest in music, just encourage them in any way possible. And remind them to never give up on their dreams......JB kind of proves that theory!

[OceanCityGirl]

f he is a person of substance and character and especially if he is smart, I would support him 100% to the exclusion of all other endeavors, including school. The only thing he is losing by pursuing his dream is time. Don’t most of us wish we had taken a shot back when there wasn’t much to lose. No need to play safe if he’s the type that can stay out of trouble and move on responsibly if it doesn’t pan out. School and work will still be there.

He is in fact such a person but he's a young guy. In my experience they are easily distracted and sucked into choices that can cause problems. Playing in bars and small venues well you know.

How old is this "Adult"? Financially supporting a 18 year old for a couple years while he gets it out of his system or makes it is one thing. Doing it for a 25 year old is crazy.

I'm a hard ass. I tell my kids, "You hit 18, out the door". I'm not serious, but they know I expect them to carry a full load of credits in college, trade school or the military IF they wish to remain at home rent free after graduation. If they decide to stay at home and work instead, they pay me rent and follow the same rules as were imposed before they were 18.

He works full time and will be going into his second year of college. He pays all of his personal expenses. I pay a bit toward insurance and provide room and board. So he's around 70 percent independent and doing a good job with that.It's just a question of whether the same deal will be available if the focus is on music and not school.

[Salukulady]

So you pay his rent, buy his food and his car insurance. Well, he hasn't felt the reality of life yet, but going to school (full credits) and working full time is a start. It sounds like you really want to do this. If you can afford to support him for a few more years, go for it, provided you and the hubby are on the same page. Don't make this decision alone. You two need to work this out before you talk with your son, then both of you need to sit your son down and give him parameters about how long and how much you're willing to put out. Don't leave it open ended or you'll be supporting him much longer than you first anticipated. Also, just be careful, if he has younger siblings, you're setting a pattern for the next one.

Teen and Adult children know how to work their parents. They have spent their whole life learning how to. They don't even know they're doing it, it's instinct. We as parents have to help them grow wings and become independent adults. Those lessons start when they are very young and continue until they walk out that door full fledge, emotionally stable, self supporting adults. It's an impossible job to do absolutely perfect.

Good luck. Let us know how he's doing. What's his band's myspace address? I love to hear them. Mines in my sig line, (shameless plug).

[OceanCityGirl]

myspace - http://www.myspace.com/kickinbear
My son isn't on there yet. He won't be until the first show he plays the first week of May when they announce the change officially. He is in the newer recordings though.
I'm fairly sure they have a facebook presence as well

[wiscoleeds]

I think it's great you included a video signature of him. That's great promoting.
Not sure there's a huge demand for cow bell players but he should live his dream as long as possible.

Cheers
Wiscoleeds

[OceanCityGirl]

I think it's great you included a video signature of him. That's great promoting.
Not sure there's a huge demand for cow bell players but he should live his dream as long as possible.

Cheers
Wiscoleeds

The world always needs more cowbell. It's my personal soundtrack when i'm walking through town.