BuffettNews.com

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup,
> under the watchful eyes of her young
> granddaughter, as she'd
> done many times before. After she
> applied her lipstick and
> started to leave, the little one said,
> "But20Gramma, you
> forgot to kiss the toilet paper
> good-bye!" I will probably
> never put lipstick on again without
> thinking about kissing
> the toilet paper good-bye...
>
> 2. My young grandson
> called the other day to wish me Happy
> Birthday. He asked me
> how old I was, and I told him, 62. My
> grandson was quiet for
> a moment, and then he asked, "Did
> you start at 1?"
>
> 3.
> After putting her grandchildren to bed,
> a grandmother
> changed into old slacks and a droopy
> blouse and proceeded to
> wash her hair. As she heard the
> children getting more and
> more rambunctious, her patience grew
> thin. Finally, she
> threw a towel around her head and
> stormed into their room,
> putting them back to bed with stern
> warnings. As she left
> the room, she heard the three-year-old
> say with a trembling
> voice, "Who was THAT?"
>
> 4. A grandmother was telling
> her little granddaughter what her own
> childhood was like:
> "We used to skate outside on a
> pond I had a swing made from
> a tire; it hung from a tree in our
> front yard. We rode our
> pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
> woods." The little
> girl was wide-eyed, taking t his all in.
> At last she said, "I
> sure wish I'd gotten to know you
> sooner!"
>
> 5. My
> grandson was visiting one day when he
> asked, "Grandma, do
> you know how you and God are
> alike?" I mentally polished my
> halo and I said, "No, how are we
> alike?'' "You're both old,"
> he replied.
>
> 6. A little girl was diligently pounding
> away on her grandfather's word
> processor. She told him she
> was writing a story. "What's
> it about?" he asked. "I don't
> know," she replied. "I
> can't read."
>
> 7. I didn't know
> if my granddaughter had learned her
> colors yet, so I decided
> to test her. I would point out
> something and ask what color
> it was. She would tell me and was
> always correct. It was fun
> for me, so I continued. At last, she
> headed for the door,
> saying, "Grandma, I think you
> should try to figure out some
> of these, yourself!"
>
> 8. When my grandson Billy and I
> entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
> lights off until we
> were inside to keep from attracting
> pesky insects. Still, a
> few fireflies followed us in. Noticing
> them before I did,
> Billy whispered, "It's no use
> Grandp a. Now the mosquitoes
> are coming after us with
> flashlights."
>
>
>
> 9.
> When my grandson asked me how old I
> was, I teasingly
> replied, "I'm not sure."
> "Look in your underwear, Grandpa,"
> he advised, "mine says I'm 4
> to 6."
>
> 10. A second
> grader came home from school and said
> to her grandmother,
> "Grandma, guess what? We learned
> how to make babies today."
> The grandmother, more than a little
> surprised, tried to keep
> her cool. "That's
> interesting," she said, "how do you make
> babies?" "It's
> simple," replied the girl. "You just change
> 'y' to 'i' and add
> 'es'."
>
> 11. Children's Logic: "Give
> me a sentence about a public
> servant," said a teacher. The
> small boy wrote: "The fireman came
> down the ladder
> pregnant." The teacher took the
> lad aside to correct him.
> "Don't you know what pregnant
> means?" she asked. "Sure,"
> said the young boy confidently. 'It
> means carrying a
> child."
>
> 12. A grandfather
> was delivering his grandchildren to
> their home one day when
> a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in
> the front seat of the
> fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The
> children started
> discussing the dog's duties.
> "They use him to keep crowds
> back," said one child.
> "No," said another. "He's just for
> good luck." A third child brought
> the argument to a
> close."They use the dogs,"
> she said firmly, "to find the
> fire hydrants."
>
> 13. A 6-year-old was asked where his
> grandma lived. "Oh," he said,
> "she lives at the airport, and
> when we want her, we just go get her.
> Then, when we're done
> having her visit, we take her back to
> the
> airport."
>
> 14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!
> He teaches me good things, but I
> don't get to see him enough
> to get as smart as him!
>
> 15. My Grandparents are
> funny, when they bend over; you hear
> gas leaks, and they
> blame their dog.