Experience dealing with aging/sick parent

[buffettbride]

So, my stepdad is sick. Really sick. He has incurable, stage 4 prostate cancer that has matastacized and evolved into a small-cell cancer type in his lymph nodes.

His options are essentially +/- 2 months with no treatment or +/- 9 months (70% chance) with aggressive chemo treatments. He has been hospitalized for almost 3 weeks now getting stable and figuring out the prognosis.

He is leaning toward doing the treatments, which is fine, but it kind of has the family in a pickle:

* He wants to be at home
* Skilled nursing facilities don't typically transport to/from chemo treatments (Medicare says you can't be an inpatient and an outpatient on the same day)
* No one in the family can be with him 24x7 to provide the care/supervision he needs

If he opted for no treatment, the answer is somewhat simple because Hospice would take over and we could find coverage to be at the house in a non-caregiver capacity 90% of the time. His legal documentation says he wishes to be at home unless it causes an undue burden on the family. I hate to consider it an undue burden...but it kind of is.

Has anyone ever had to deal with this and find the balance? Any suggestions would be helpful, because I am at a loss.

[Saltx3]

So, my stepdad is sick. Really sick. He has incurable, stage 4 prostate cancer that has matastacized and evolved into a small-cell cancer type in his lymph nodes.

His options are essentially +/- 2 months with no treatment or +/- 9 months (70% chance) with aggressive chemo treatments. He has been hospitalized for almost 3 weeks now getting stable and figuring out the prognosis.

He is leaning toward doing the treatments, which is fine, but it kind of has the family in a pickle:

* He wants to be at home
* Skilled nursing facilities don't typically transport to/from chemo treatments (Medicare says you can't be an inpatient and an outpatient on the same day)
* No one in the family can be with him 24x7 to provide the care/supervision he needs

If he opted for no treatment, the answer is somewhat simple because Hospice would take over and we could find coverage to be at the house in a non-caregiver capacity 90% of the time. His legal documentation says he wishes to be at home unless it causes an undue burden on the family. I hate to consider it an undue burden...but it kind of is.

Has anyone ever had to deal with this and find the balance? Any suggestions would be helpful, because I am at a loss.

incoming pm

[buffettbride]

Our options may be diminshed. The doc let us know today that my stepdad may not be a good candidate for the chemo because of his poor existing help.

Any advice is still helpful.

When my mom was released to hospice, she had my stepdad 24x7, so this is weird territory for us. He has other natural children (they are terrible people) so we're trying to work out where a person stays 1-2 nights per week with him.

[springparrot]

I can't be any help, but please know my thoughts are with you and your family.

[lime rickie]

I can't be any help, but please know my thoughts are with you and your family.

Ditto, sending prayers and phin power your way.

~/)~/)~/)~

[sistergoldenhair]

So many of us here are walking or have walked in your shoes. It's so hard. My mom is in nursing home, declining. Before she went in, I really had to keep close track of her, while working full time and raising the four savages. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will do the best you can. The choices are tough. Blessings to you and your family.

[sistergoldenhair]

So many of us here are walking or have walked in your shoes. It's so hard. My mom is in nursing home, declining. Before she went in, I really had to keep close track of her, while working full time and raising the four savages. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will do the best you can. The choices are tough. Blessings to you and your family.

[Saltx3]

Sent you a p.m. before you provided an update. Check with your local county Office of Aging to see if they have any services or can steer you in a good direction for getting some help. Some local nursing facilities (and hospice) will offer respite care where they may take your stepdad for an overnight or 2 to give family and caregivers a break.

Kevin (PAParrot) and I understand your situation - we went through the same thing just 2 months ago with Kevin's dad.

((((hugs to all ))))

[buffettbride]

Thanks, all. I'm sure we'll figure something out. And hospice will provide us a list of caregiver services so we can pick someone to help fill in the gaps.

I may or may not be lots of help (Hubby is actually my stepdad's durable power of attorney so has been doing most of this while I hold down the fort at home), but I also injured my knee earlier this week and am going to the orthopaedist this afternoon to see about a possible torn ACL or meniscus. Evidently your knee is not supposed to pop and then buckle laterally then swell up to the size of a grapefruit.

[SMLCHNG]

Not going through this, but sending lots of good thoughts for you (and your knee), and Matt.