Ticketcakes

Guest · Post by **Guest** » February 26, 2000 12:44 pm

Posted By phjim
Ticketcakes
parody of the song "Fruitcakes" by Marven Gardenias

"You know I was talking to my friend the ticket scalper the other day he
runs this gas station and ticket shop down in Beantown. He told
me that human beings are flawed individuals. The ticket makers
took us out of the printer a little too early. And that's the
reason we're as crazy as we are and I believe it."

"Take for example when you go to a concert these days, you know.
They try to sell you this jumbo drink, 2 extra ounces of watered
down Budweiser for an extra 3 bucks. I don't want it.
I don't want that much organziation in my life.
I don't want other people thinking for me.
I want my cheap tickets. Where did the cheap tickets go at the
Tweeter center. I don't want a 10 oz. glass of wine for 25 dollars. I
want my cheap tickets."

"We need more ticket outlets in this world and less ticketmasters!
We need people that care! I'm mad as hell! And I don't want to
pay that much anymore!"

Chorus:
Tickets in my wallet
Tickets on the street
He's Sellin' tickets on the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

Paradise, lost and found
Paradise, take a look around
I was out in California where I hear they have it all
They got riots, fires, mud slides
They've got ticketmaster in the mall
Parrotheads with Coconut bra's, buy these tickets now
If you want to get in to see the show
Give me money I'll show you how

Chorus:
Tickets in her pocket book
Tickets on the street
Buyin' tickets on the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Half-priced tickets in the pocket
Half-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
"Speakin' of tickets, how 'bout the scalpers?
Your hard earned dollars makin' them rich."

We lost our gold circle membership
The ticket spokesman said
Looks like we aint gonna see
Jimmy's balding head
We spent 90 jillion dollars trying to get a closer to the stage
I hear universal laughter from the fans that can see his age.

Chorus:
No Tickets in the galaxy
No Tickets left on the earth
I was on the phone for an eternity
I've been shut-out since my birth
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
" Ticketmaster! Ticketmaster! Oh, there's a long line at the ticket window.
Here we go now.
Alright, boys and girls."

Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa
Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa

Where's the number, I hate talkin' to those quirks
Ticketmaster is in the hands of some crazy-ass jerks
Those stinkin' scalpers with greasy hair and pimples
The god's honest truth is it's not that simple
It's the cynic in you, it's the killjoy in me
It's callin' the number, just why arent they free
It's the lost again look, its the one that got thru
Tell me what's goin on, I ain't gotta clue

--Spoken:
"Now here comes the big ones. Front row! Some got 'em, we
all want 'em. How do we get 'em?
Here we go, I'll tell ya."

She said you just have to know someone
Now cough up the big dough
I treat my money like I need it
You treat yours like you dont
But the right word at the right time
May get me a front row seat
That's the difference between bein' on the lawn
Or seein' the reefers keep the beat

Chorus:
Tickets in my wallet
Tickets on the street
Buyin' tickets on the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
"The future. Ticketmaster, ticket price two thousand and something."

We're two years from the millenium
That's a science fiction fact
Jimmy Buffett and his buddy Fingers
Now don't look that abstract
So I'll be dialin' on my telephone
And practice my speed-dial technique
Get Jah lost in the busy signal mon
As I swear at the son of a beach
Reach out and touch with my cellular phone is really the only way
Its shut-out year again kiddies
Have a very shitty day
Hey.

Chorus:
No Tickets in the galaxy
No Tickets left on the earth
I was on the phone for an eternity
I've been shut-out since my birth
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
"That's right, you too. Yeah those tickets are spread all around
this universe. I've seen tickets. I saw this guy in Santa
Monica sellin' tickets the crosswalk. Down in New
Orleans in the French market there are tickets like you cannot
believe. New York, forget it. Shut-out city. Down island, we've got
tickets. Spread them tickets around. That's right, we want 'em

Guest · Post by **Guest** » March 17, 2000 8:47 pm

Posted By Anonymous
this is the most beautiful thing I've ever read

Guest · Post by **Guest** » July 9, 2000 3:14 am

Posted By Lilmissbuffett98
hat song was absolutely WONDERFUL! AWesome, well written, funny and sooooo truthfilled.
Gotta love that

I will now print that and save it for shitz-n-giggles!
[url=mailto:parrotheadsara@usa.net]parrotheadsara@usa.net[/url]

Guest · Post by **Guest** » July 9, 2000 1:11 pm

Posted By capt.toni
Bravisimo!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » March 11, 2001 5:57 pm

Posted By stormcat
Cool, mon!!!

tl3495 · Post by **tl3495** » May 7, 2001 3:10 pm

On 2000-02-26 12:44:00, Anonymous wrote:
Posted By phjim
Ticketcakes
parody of the song "Fruitcakes" by Marven Gardenias

"You know I was talking to my friend the ticket scalper the other day he
runs this gas station and ticket shop down in Beantown. He told
me that human beings are flawed individuals. The ticket makers
took us out of the printer a little too early. And that's the
reason we're as crazy as we are and I believe it."

"Take for example when you go to a concert these days, you know.
They try to sell you this jumbo drink, 2 extra ounces of watered
down Budweiser for an extra 3 bucks. I don't want it.
I don't want that much organziation in my life.
I don't want other people thinking for me.
I want my cheap tickets. Where did the cheap tickets go at the
Tweeter center. I don't want a 10 oz. glass of wine for 25 dollars. I
want my cheap tickets."

"We need more ticket outlets in this world and less ticketmasters!
We need people that care! I'm mad as hell! And I don't want to
pay that much anymore!"

Chorus:
Tickets in my wallet
Tickets on the street
He's Sellin' tickets on the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

Paradise, lost and found
Paradise, take a look around
I was out in California where I hear they have it all
They got riots, fires, mud slides
They've got ticketmaster in the mall
Parrotheads with Coconut bra's, buy these tickets now
If you want to get in to see the show
Give me money I'll show you how

Chorus:
Tickets in her pocket book
Tickets on the street
Buyin' tickets on the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Half-priced tickets in the pocket
Half-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
"Speakin' of tickets, how 'bout the scalpers?
Your hard earned dollars makin' them rich."

We lost our gold circle membership
The ticket spokesman said
Looks like we aint gonna see
Jimmy's balding head
We spent 90 jillion dollars trying to get a closer to the stage
I hear universal laughter from the fans that can see his age.

Chorus:
No Tickets in the galaxy
No Tickets left on the earth
I was on the phone for an eternity
I've been shut-out since my birth
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
" Ticketmaster! Ticketmaster! Oh, there's a long line at the ticket window.
Here we go now.
Alright, boys and girls."

Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa
Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa

Where's the number, I hate talkin' to those quirks
Ticketmaster is in the hands of some crazy-ass jerks
Those stinkin' scalpers with greasy hair and pimples
The god's honest truth is it's not that simple
It's the cynic in you, it's the killjoy in me
It's callin' the number, just why arent they free
It's the lost again look, its the one that got thru
Tell me what's goin on, I ain't gotta clue

--Spoken:
"Now here comes the big ones. Front row! Some got 'em, we
all want 'em. How do we get 'em?
Here we go, I'll tell ya."

She said you just have to know someone
Now cough up the big dough
I treat my money like I need it
You treat yours like you dont
But the right word at the right time
May get me a front row seat
That's the difference between bein' on the lawn
Or seein' the reefers keep the beat

Chorus:
Tickets in my wallet
Tickets on the street
Buyin' tickets on the crosswalk
In the middle of the week
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
"The future. Ticketmaster, ticket price two thousand and something."

We're two years from the millenium
That's a science fiction fact
Jimmy Buffett and his buddy Fingers
Now don't look that abstract
So I'll be dialin' on my telephone
And practice my speed-dial technique
Get Jah lost in the busy signal mon
As I swear at the son of a beach
Reach out and touch with my cellular phone is really the only way
Its shut-out year again kiddies
Have a very ****ty day
Hey.

Chorus:
No Tickets in the galaxy
No Tickets left on the earth
I was on the phone for an eternity
I've been shut-out since my birth
Over-priced tickets in my pocket
Over-priced tickets on the bus
There's a little bit of ticketmaster annoying everyone of us

--Spoken:
"That's right, you too. Yeah those tickets are spread all around
this universe. I've seen tickets. I saw this guy in Santa
Monica sellin' tickets the crosswalk. Down in New
Orleans in the French market there are tickets like you cannot
believe. New York, forget it. Shut-out city. Down island, we've got
tickets. Spread them tickets around. That's right, we want 'em

HILLARIOUS!!!!
And damn truthful too. Are you Jimmy's lost long twin brother. LOL

mismagic · Post by **mismagic** » May 7, 2001 4:37 pm

Funny, very funny! I loved every word of it.

PHrozen Finzzz · Post by **PHrozen Finzzz** » July 19, 2001 5:33 pm

fins2rt · Post by **fins2rt** » November 14, 2001 3:36 am

that is awesome!!! Good work.

parakeet teacher · Post by **parakeet teacher** » March 19, 2002 3:20 pm

This definitely should be set to music!! How absolutely, positively, without a doubt the TRUTH! Well done!

obxparrotheads · Post by **obxparrotheads** » June 12, 2002 3:40 pm

This is beautiful!
It could be the top of every Phan's anthems!

Little Miss. Magic · Post by **Little Miss. Magic** » January 27, 2004 5:36 pm

Such a good song....I was reading it during class and had to try hard to hold in my laughs.....well done! Should we be looking for a CD soon????

FanInCincy · Post by **FanInCincy** » February 8, 2004 2:24 pm

Very tastefully done, and true!

Jason Mason · Post by **Jason Mason** » April 9, 2005 7:00 pm

That is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen! Good job!!!!!!!!!!!! Its so true!

coolblueswing · Post by **coolblueswing** » April 9, 2005 9:59 pm

Hysterical! Expresses the way we all feel! Thanks!!

DonnaKayDunbar · Post by **DonnaKayDunbar** » April 13, 2005 2:10 am

you're my new hero.

jonesbeach10 · Post by **jonesbeach10** » November 25, 2005 4:08 pm

That was effin amazing.

Prthd119 · Post by **Prthd119** » November 25, 2005 8:32 pm

jonesbeach10 wrote:That was effin amazing.

What he said....

thegoatgod · Post by **thegoatgod** » June 9, 2006 1:13 am

BuffettNews.com

Ticketcakes

great song